Hit my Head

I need to post for me. I find my anger growing as the winter approaches. I have been busy doing nothing for my job.I have gone from being a somewhat technical guy in the workplace to a traveling excel updater. I spend a large part of my working hours interviewing people that are speaking English as a second language and as you can tell I don't speak or write as though English is my primary language. So to sum up my life people are looking for me to provide direction and leadership neither of which are nearly impossible giving that my careers lacks direction and the only leadership I really provide is the best place to eat.

Vikings
FT forced me to buy tickets to the Vikings packers game this year. I refused to go unless FT made his famous bloody maries.. We had a great time before the game eating brats, catching more passes than the Vikings have completed in 2 years eating barbeque beef sandwiches laughing at the Green Bay horde as they waddled to our crap stadium to watch or crap team.. So FT and $1.25 and I sprinted to the game as not to waste valuable eating time and waste more time watching the Vikings piss another season down there leg. Well it was raining so hard that even $1.25 shoes where getting wet and FT usual tomato face was only a blush. As we hit the busy intersection to go to the game my popped balloon self was trying to keep up so I followed without paying attention to how slippery the pavement had become.. Well $1.25 slammed on the breaks halfway across the intersection to avoid being hit and I being very Herschel Walker like was not able to adjust to this sudden change in direction. I slipped and went hairy ass over tea kettle and landed directly on my head without so much as even getting one hand down to protect my head.. That was lucky since I have this giant cranium with little to know brain in it so I was able to take the fall. When I hit I thought was hit everything went black I had finally done it I had managed to kill my self on sheer stupidity alone.. I am not sure this is something to brag about but I am sure this will come as no shock to anyone that reads this but the feeling brought me back to the many hits that I had taken throughout my life and really it was no different other than no was patting me on the back for damaging someone else's brain cells on the way to a meaningless win only this time I had a large heavy man helping me to my feet wait a minute maybe nothing's changed. Apparently when I hit it was revealed to the countless people scurrying to the game that the hollow sound told the truth that I have nothing in my head. $1.25 looked at me and looked around for any brain matter that might have spilled on the tar and asked me if I was ok I nodded and continued on to the game.. FT was across the street when all of this occurred and assumed I was near death so he asked me if I still wanted to go the game.. I believe he would pry the ticket off of my dead corpse and scalp it if given the opportunity so I said no I will still go I am fine. I went to the game and was bored to tears short of having to deal with the "loyal" packer fans.. What a joke they are so dedicated and they are with "their" team always.. These idiots that have all there packer crap all over them are some of the most unknowledgeable football fans I have ever seen.. They spent the entire game looking around talking pictures and doing everything except watch the game.. When Favre broke the record I would say half of them where not even looking at the field when the play happened. Here is a quote from an idiot that I nearly had to drop in front of me.. "Where is 14" ,his friend, "Who", Brent Far" ,"He is the best ever",.. Me two minutes later with my head pounding watching the Vikings 3rd put in the last 10 minutes.. Why do I do this.. I will never go to a Vikings game again. Not unless they score 3 offensive touchdowns in one game will I ever go back.. Well unless we have brats before..

My thoughts on the Vikings.
I see no reason to keep Chilly, He is an idiot going into a season with a quarterback and backup quarterbacks as we have.. This offense will never give this team a chance to win games.. This is a billion dollar blunder by Wilf you will never get a stadium or get any fan support for team that is lifeless dull,boring,tedious. This is the lowest point I have ever seen the Vikings get to in 30 years and he accomplished it in less than 2 seasons.. He is not a good coach he is an arrogant ass that believes a system will win games.. No you have to adapt your system to get the most of the talent you have..Why would you do this..
This organization is doomed unless they get lucky enough to get a quarterback that has much talent as All day..

I am running out of time I need to get back to my spreadsheet.

Timberwolves..
I have not been this excited.. I don't care if they win 20 games this year at least we have a chance to grow and get better.. I will watch them and hopefully they will get better..

Weight
Feeling great.. Still a lb or two over 220.. I am running more than ever and I actually feel great..

Guys Weekend Winter is going to be reality more posts on this later..

I gotta go..


HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYD

No one is reading this

Good thing I stopped posting for a few months that should have shook of any of those people who really don't HeavyD..
Ok.. What do I have that is interesting over the last few months.. Hmm a lot of happy nice things.. You see that is why I have stopped posting I have horrible material that FT has pointed out on more than one occasion actually every time.. So I have been doing some travel that was for fun instead of work..(I have been in Europe every other week so my free time has disappeared).. I went on a cruise on a cruise with IJ and are wives..

Cruise
It was very warm, I nearly passed away in Key West when I had the brilliant Idea to wear a black hat and shirt and IJ convinced me to go on a tour of some famous authors house.. I told IJ that now that I have been blogging for over a year this guy had nothing on me and if he would like to tour my house I would allow him to at nearly half the price.. Oh wait I forget something.. I am trying to keep running whenever I have an opportunity so when we where Ft. Lauderdale I decided to churn some butt butter and see some sights on a morning run.. Well apparently this area is a hot spot for men who really like men and apparently really like bald sweaty confused ones.. So I am on this side street trying to run my way back to my hotel and it is nearly 140% in my nether regions and I am thinking I am lost.. A thin little bald men in his late 40's comes running up behind me.. I don't know how long he was back there checking out the goods but I am sure he was hit with about 3 cups of collateral sweat drops pouring off me. He then comes up to the side of me and I have my pod cranked to drown out the jackhammer my feet are doing to the pavement so I cannot hear what he is saying so he motions for me to take my earphones out.. I am wierded out at this point but I decide to listen to the little minni me and he says this.. "Hey do you want to run together".. Without hesitation I say no and please get away from me.. Know maybe he was just a little friendly guy looking for someone to hang out with but I was not taking any chances since no one in there right mind would like to run next to the jackhammer without having other ideas.. Ok what else .. The food on the cruise was really good blah blah blah.. It was great to spend time with my Wife and IJ and his wife.. The service was to much for me.. They just went to far with the cleaning and the running and doing whatever in such a hurry it just plain tired me out.. Going a shore was ok in Key West but the other ports seemed to just be a roadside store where people try and sell you the same crap time after time.. The excursions where cool we went snorkeling and did an Air boat ride in the swamp.. I wish I could share pictures but there is way too many pictures of me and it really makes most of the pictures unviewable.. Would I do a cruise again? maybe but currently this one cruise put me in yet another financial black hole which I won't get out of in the near future..

Fishing
I had been waiting to go fish with BOH for 10 years and finally he caved into the pressure and took me along to Canada.. The trip was very relaxing and it was cool to really get away from everything for 6 days.. BOH and I set a record for the lowest IQ of any boat on the water. Neither of us could navigate a map let alone count to the needed depth of 35 feet we needed to be to fish for walleyes.. Well to prove that is doesn't take a rocket scientist to cash fish in Canada we ended up catching more each day and eventually caught 60 fish in 6 hours of fishing on the last day.. Maybe I will share some of this pictures but to be honest with you two bald guys shivering in a cold boat doesn't make for great pictures.. BOH got to see the rage of HeavyD .. On the first day we started fishing it was around 30 degrees the wind was gusting and it was either snowing or sleeting or raining it was about the worst weather I have ever been in. Why did we fish then? Well BOH told me that if we don't fish we don't eat we fished until it was dark to catch whatever we could.. I would have had the minnows as anchovies. Notice the diet coke in the picture it helps it goes well when you are eating 6 lbs of fried fish each night


Running/Eating
I am still going maintaining and going lower.. I actually should approach the teens in a month or so if I avoid vacations.. I have now pushed my runs up to 5.5 to 7 miles a day around 5 days a week. I have gone through another pair of running shoes.. I love my Nike nano thing I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys music when they are running.. IJ is almost going by me in running he is running 5.5 miles a day..


Vikings
Good something to be angry about.. I watched the first game and some parts of the second game.. I would like to blame this horrible offense on the quarterback but it goes much farther than that.. The Vikings have the most overpaid line in the NFL they have played absolutely horrible they make stupid mistakes they are out of position they are busting on picking up blitzes.. But I think this also a result of a coaching staff that is so overmatched that they will have a hard time doing anything until they realize that they are the worst strategist to ever coach in the NFL.. I don't care if it is Chilly or if it is the whole staff but they don't have any idea that the field is becoming so compressed that there is little or no chance of success until they prove that they can burn teams who blitz and put 11 guys in the "box" (I hate that) but in this case it is true when you watch the vikes you see that they have rolled up both corners and have the safeties less than 6 yards off the ball and they are having the linebackers standing in the gaps.. So unless that changes we have no chance of getting Peterson free or allowing any Quarterback a chance to get some passing game rhythm going.. Chilly has this opinion that you run the offense and it will be kick ass.. He does not have the athletes or the creativity to run this offense if you are good coach you utilize what talent you have and get the most out of it.. Like trying calling a play that my sons don't know what it is when you line up.. Get rid of receivers that can't catch and if you can't keep people out on a three step drop it is time to let the coach go and start over again.. Ok. More on this later I have a lot of anger over the Vikings offense.. So I will just give the vikes a single grade C- they played 2 of the worst teams in the NFL and had a chance to win both games.. But if you consider how lucky we got we should have lost both games with how poorly they played on offense.. I still have the vikes finish 5-11.



Ok this is getting too long..
Still rambling still bald still dumb
HeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvyyyyyyyyyyyyyDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Where have you gone heavy..

Let me see what the heck have I been doing lately.. Nothing very exciting otherwise I would have blogged about it some. Let me run down my main topics and see if I come up with anything of interest.
Movies
I saw the funny movie of the year what is it knocked up or something like that. I really liked the feel of the movie and the side characters and just like the way this movie moved along.. Although I thought the main guy in the movie just was bit to homely to be with the hot blond chick from Grey's Anatomy..
It really makes you think how disconnected movie writers are when they have line like I am almost 200 lbs or he has man boobs when the guy isn't even heavy just homely.. I saw ratoullie I don't know how to spell that and I don't want to break from ramble to look it up.. It was a good animation flick sort of on the bug's life or something close to that I really liked it but again I love seeing movies with my kids so I am biased..

Sports
TPUPS
Should I talk about the KG fiasco no but I think I need to pass what I said to BOH about how we can really feel sorry for a guy for having to play basketball for 25 million dollars a year just in salary and not even including endorsements. To put in perspective if my boss would offer me one 25th of what KG salary is each year with the caveat that each morning my boss would be able to urinate on my head at 8:45 each day I would remember to bring a towel and soap. I love KG but enough is enough already you have proven that you cannot win with you and this management team. Go mortgage another franchise into mediocrity we have had are run and it just doesn't work to have your best guy shooting fade away jumpers when you have been asked to drive to the basket..
Vikings
about 3 weeks to go.. They have the same team as last year.. They did not sign a single player that will matter in free agency.. They drafted a great rookie but that was the only skilled position that they had talent in to start with... This will be a Les steckle year unless they sign a veteran a quarterback, wide receivers. Tavaris will be benched midway through the second game..
Twins
Stuck in a bad spot.. They actually have a pretty good team but that team is not complete and isn't enough to compete in this division. They need a power hitter and another legitimate starter this year to make a run.. Unless Garza and Ro white are gonna play outta there heads this teams will have around 8o wins and be fun to watch but will not make the playoffs.. But to be honest in Baseball the regular season is enough for me..

Weight..
I did it I actually reached 225 still look like crap but it makes it easier to run. I was wearing my kids shuffle to listen to music on my runs but it crapped out from either moisture or the heat given off by my running.. It just so happened that IJ was with me and offered me his wife's Nano and Nike add-on.. I ran once with it and I was sold.. It is too expensive for what it does but if you want to reward yourself for working out it is worth a shot. I wouldn't run without it now.. So I am know tracking all my miles and speed and everything.. It is really sad how slow I am but it is what it is..
I have decided to forget getting any faster and just see what my max distance is.. In March I could run 3 miles without stopping now I can run close to 7 miles without dying.. I am hoping to get to 10 miles by this fall.

GUYS WEEKEND
We are approach guys weekend again. I have to prepare myself to step back in time. I have to submit to the Alpha Males again.. We have 4 Alpha's at guys weekend and it is quite humorous to see how each of them decides to assert themselves.. JLO is the head of Dog of course by using superior intellect and sheer strength of personality. HOW uses his tireless energy to wear the rest of down to doing whatever he asks. Schpeedy uses his famous Wings to impose his will. And my brother has mellowed over time but we/me all have seen the rage that is buried deep in his soul that he unleashed on bootsy that might surface. So let's run down the subservient other members.. I will start with the youngest son of superintendent and his side kick muslim (bit of a reach but it works for me). I can guarantee that they get the most of guys weekend which entails making there less than manly drinks and catching up on old times. The pig farmers tolerate the idiot friends that are associated with HOW and JLO and really considering where they live anywhere besides home sounds good and they enjoy themselves.. IJ is caught up in the splendor of having to do nothing for couple of days that he would like to turn into a week if possible as long as everyone would leave after two days.. I might just have a guys weekend post but do to the audience that might read this I might censor myself..


This is my worst post, well that might be tough but it somewhere close to the bottom and for that I don't apologize.. I am still struggling with happiness so bear with me..

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYDDD
OUT

Way too early for my flight

Just a little angry so thought I would post a couple of items.
I am at the airport 3 hours before my flight leaves.. The SAP class was supposed to be a 2 day class but apparently to the contracted industry 4 hours equates to a full day so the class ended 4 hours early..

I am sitting here in Dallas Fort Worth I don't know where the heck Fort Worth is but it is sort of a throw in sort of like Minneapolis St.Paul even though no one actually has a destination of St. Paul we through it in for props.. (For you WHS Alum's it is sort of like Mayer what is in Mayer? for that matter what is in Watertown?..) I see all these people feverishly clacking on there CrackBerries and standing on top of each other to reach the one power outlet available to charge there little mini laptops so that they can get email and review the 25 slides they need to present on Monday. I am not sure what makes me or uncomfortable the clammering for power or the fact that these people have themselves convinced that their time is that precious that they can't waste the precious hour they have at the terminal. (Ohh great it is raining down here as hard as IJ and myself go after a bucket of popcorn.. My flight is going to get delayed..) Or maybe it is just the fact that I can't bring myself to believe that anything that I do is that important.. True True

So the big bald wonder breaks out my PSP and pod and shuts out the self indulgent conversations going around me.. Alex (he answered his cell phone next me) is arguing with the company that cuts his lawn for him. So to shut out all the inputs around me I start making a story about Alex. I think Alex should hire somebody to hug his kids and make love to his wife because he is just too busy to take the time away from his important job to do all that busy work.. I start really hating Alex just to pass the time I guess we all have hobbies..

Ohh I just ordered a margarita that is bigger than my ass.. Maybe I am not that angry anymore.. I am in the restaurant hammering the keys here people think I am doing something for an important deadline Not just creating a meaningless post on the blog that no one reads..

What is new.. Hmm A whole lotta nothing.. I have not seen anything lately in the theaters except with my kids.. Rise of the Silver surfer was a pretty good popcorn movie.. The storyline probably could have used some work my 9 year old was picking out flaws in the logic all the way home.. It got to the point where I had to pull out my line I use with IJ just enjoy the movie "we are not trying to change the world".. I think my son is smarter than me already not much of an accomplishment but I have to give him props he has the times tables down I just figured out it was a bad career move to be in IT..

Weight
I like the weight I am at right now I just don't like where it is sitting on me.. I am trying to lift weights and do sit ups and push ups in hopes that I won't look like I a saggy old man.. Wait to late.. Brings up a funny moment.. I am getting out of the shower the other day I am feeling pretty good about myself I had just finished 6 miles in the heat and I was looking pretty good for me.. My boys are waiting for something so of course they are invading my room and bathroom so I strut out the shower with my head held high but do to the run and the heat of the shower my junk is slung low.. C looks at me and yells to D hey take a look at Dad's balls they are disgusting you have old balls Dad.. I turn away only to see D coming he looks at my arse and says why is there so much hair on your butt.. I grab the towel and cover my lower half and in strolls T to feed on what is left of my self esteem he smiles and looks and me with Pity.. I love you dad no matter what you look like.. He is so smooth he will probably be yelling at his lawn guy some day..

Travel
I went to Nags North Carolina with my kids.. My kids where great.. we loved the ocean. Driving across the country on no sleep is not cool but all things considered I love my wife for tolerating me and feel lucky to have someone like her. We almost lost C in the undertow.. We told the kids they whole time that they don't need to worry about sharks.. When we reached the beach our second morning D points out a 14ft shark this is swimming in the exact area we where surfing in the day before.. All the boys looked at there Dad like he was an idiot.. Normal..

Old
I am staying at this Hotel that is full of people just out of college full of hope and healthy.. Annoying.. It is raining I decide to get a workout at the nice facility at the hotel.. I walk in and it is like the O.C down there I am a good 15 years older than the oldest people in the room. Fffumm I am going to get my workout.. I do some sit-ups and pushups waiting for one of the Treadmills to open up.. I can't take all the stares from the people wondering (Hmm if I am really that old or if my hair fell out from Chemotherapy).. I see an opening on the stair master.. It is one of these nice ones or old ones where it is like an escalator going in reverse..I get on this baby and I decide to do work to shut out the world and to prove to myself that even though I look like shit I am at least in shape.. To make a long story short I climb this SOB for 40 minutes.. I could have watered the lawn with pools of water collecting on the machine below it got so bad that if I moved my arms the sweat would spill on the people riding bikes below. It should have been embarrassing but I could have cared less these little craps where all scoping each other out and not one of them even broke a sweat..

I am thinking of making a fake phone call to make people believe that I have something important to do.. No I need to shut this laptop down people think I am doing enough..

That is me and I am HeavyD…
Dallas Out..

My plane is delayed.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEE PLAAAAAAAAANES

Why I should never leave the U.S.

So the big bald heavy is in Germany again. I started to feel like I had the world by the balls for a minute but as usual life corrects me and brings me down to earth. As I write this my heart is as heavy as it as ever been but I just need to blog something and get my mind off of it. I don’t want to go into a ton of details but D is getting teased and embarrassed at school and is acting out at home so it makes life difficult for my entire family and especially my wife since I am unable to help. I really don’t give much help when I am there anyway but at least I cold be there for my wife.. But oh well such is life and it motivates me to blog so here we go.

This is a really filthy post so skip if you need to ..

So as I have stated several more times than I can count (I have to stop at 21) I have bit of a problem with my body functions. Wait a minute I have to comment on this before I rip on myself again.. I am sitting here watching the sunrise over the steeples in this city but between me and this view is this little suave Frenchmen. It is an odd office here very open but you can’t see who is looking at you at any given point.. (I wonder when they will ever get over this whole European styling thing it must be just a fad.) (Why don’t we have American Styling) Anyway I try to look out the window and I see pepe reaching down the front of his pants and itches his junk. I mean even for me that is pretty gross.. But that is not it. He then looks around and takes his hand out and sniffs his fingers. That makes my next comment pretty lame I hope.. Good thing stereotypes aren’t true.

So back to my body functions, So with the time change and everything my body clock is a little off. To put it bluntly when heavy has to go he has to go. So I tried to time my trip to the biff so that I would have the bathroom to myself when I had to “do work”. I felt the need to drop my kids off at the pool so I made a quick trot pinching my be speckled hairy arse. I had made it the hallway with no one in front of me. But No.. I had been working with this other French guy and another German that I did not know at all. They both smiled and told me they had a quick question. Apparently the international face of this big fat bald guy has to lay some cable doesn’t come across to all languages.. So I attempt the just a minute gesture but to no avail they stop me.. I am dying inside my insides are turning inside out.. I start imagining soilent green running down my leg and out on my bowling shoes. I start to sweat. Should I just ease some air out and try and relieve the pressure? No too risky.. I don’t know a good proper way in English, German or French to say that if I don’t take a shit in the next 30 seconds I might explode.. So in mid conversation I just cowboy up and walk toward the bathroom I say nothing.. They look appalled but really at this point I am just doing damage control and all things being considered. I would rather be the rude American than the fat guy who sharted himself in the hallway. I really hated to admit this in the post but I was sort of proud of myself for not having an accident..

I am sorry for representing America to the rest of you out there but It “is what it is” with the big heavy. You can dress me up in a sport coat and bowling shoes but you just hide the fact that I am big bald angry man with more issues than I would ever admit to. Well maybe I will later but one issue at a time.

So I ruined something else.. Remember I describe the beautiful park on the Rhine that I run on.. Well I have just gotten into a nice routine of running there each night. I was carefree and M5 (No need to interpret this?) thinking this has to be the perfect way to get a good workout and enjoy the city and spring weather. So on my third run this week (Just showing off) I am feeling pretty good but I am getting passed on a fairly regular basis by what I consider marathon runners (I do this to make myself feel better about being the slowest distance runner in history) So today I decide no matter what I am not going to get passed by any runner.. I have some old school journey wailing on my pod and I am feeling pretty good.. I have two miles to go and no one has passed me.. But like a flash (everything is like flash to me since most of the time I have sweat burning my eyes) I am passed by this German Chinaman (I am not sure he was German nor he was Chinese but it makes for a better story to say I was passed by a German person of Asian heritage) Back to the story.. Like a flash YouRun (sorry that is just to easy) slips by me and all I can see his light little feet scurrying away from me with nary a mark in the clay in front of me. The Bald Clydesdale has had enough and I start throwing up clay as I clomp behind him. I am not sure if he cares but I know he can hear my giant hooves pounding on the clay behind him. I try to make a quick sprint to catch him but it doesn’t work I make up about three steps and at this point he is a good 50 yds ahead of me.. NO NOT ANYMORE NOT TODAY. (this is insane so role with it if you aren’t IJ) I am not going to be outsourced this time, I am not going to go bald at 23, I am not going to lose to Jackson, I am not going to let Granite Falls beat us, I am not going to dance with three Bills, I am not going to get laid off, I am not going to lose a paper fortune, I am not going to be in IT, I am not going to lose to my nephew in a forty, I am not going crumple up like a cheap suit and blow my hammy, That is it.. I have been holding back for way to long. I zero (too easy sorry) in on YouRun and I feel my hammy and my veal and my MCL barking but not today. I can’t lose this time. If I have to run on my arms I am going to catch YouRun. It takes me 2 miles and I run like I have never run before to catch this guy.. It takes me nearly two miles but I sprint to the finish line believing I have gold spikes on my feet.. I can’t believe it but I catch him and pass him on my way to victory maybe it was the thug eminiem in my ears or some old ability coming out. I a nearly vomit from exhaustion but I do it.. I am not a loser standing in the middle of some German Park halfway across the world panting and holding back vomit and well you know my other issue but I did it..

I really am that pathetic..

But I thought it was worth a blog and it allowed me to forget some of my frustrations at home..

That’s me heavyD out..

Gone Heavy Fishing

You haven't fished until you have fished for men..or something like that..

Maybe I can be governor as well.. I am a former wrestler, I am bald, I am heavy, I am dumber than virtually every person I meet, I have the English skills of a 5th grader (ok I know what you are saying maybe a 4th grader). I hate our government process, But I am not a Navy Seal nor do I have any charisma, So I will keep doing what I am good at.. Hmm What am I good at again.. Well it is what it is.. So I don't believe I have to go into the whole back story of my recent family outings with my family but they all follow the same formula.. We attempt to get together with the guys in the family and do some male bonding but it usually ends up with someone in the hospital.. So this year the plan was to make the trip to Bemidji and do some fishing. The plan was to have all six of us take one vehicle to save on gas but it turned out that putting six guys in one vehicle and mix in a stop at Craponalds and you will get a fair amount of methane .. I will summarize the trip quickly we arrived the first day and fished in 75 degree weather caught a ton of small northerns and a few walleyes but fishing with my son was priceless.. He must have caught 10-15 pike himself that day.. Which is a blast to watch but creates more work than you can imagine.. See my Dad ,who from our last little adventure has a hand that is not fully recuperated really and wasn't able to take the fish out without a fair amount of wincing and me looking on with the guilt that I was a big part of his hand being in constant pain for the last 7 months.. I had to drive the little 14 foot tiller boat and get off the 30 or so fish we all caught that day.. Actually it worked really well but I was getting a little tired and just a wee bit angry after the tenth time the treble hooks would hook the same spot on my finger.. So all went well the first day.. The second day, not so good.. We woke with the temps in the 40's and the wind was blowing but hey we are tough so we bundled up and took the nicer 16 foot boot that day.. So as we are meandering through the stream on the way to the lake my Dad snares another northern and pulls it to the side of the boat. I am a little sleepy but hey I can still feel the pangs of guilt so I reach down to grab the feisty little snake (that's what she said) but before I get my hand to the fish the fish shakes the rapala and all I can see is hooks coming at my face.. I rear back like a grizzly that finally caught the salmon but instead of salmon it is a orange rapala and instead of a grizzly it is a washed up guilt ridden tomato faced popped balloon looking man thrashing around with a rapula impaled on his nose and his coat locking the great beast into a horrible position of weather to panic and just start pulling since his face really can't look worse or freeze and hope that my one armed bandit father will not try setting the hook and bring in the bald hairy assed fish.. So short story long I tell my dad to freeze and don't move.. Of course there is a boat driving by while the beast was trying to free himself from the three hooked monster but I didn't let that bother me, just facing people each day looking the way I do prepares me for moments like this.. I have a lariat around my neck with a clippers so I cut the line so clubby does not decide to help and drive the barb in any farther.. I start coming up with a plan of how we are going to get to a hospital to get this out but just when I feel the warm blood in my nose.. .. I decided to give the lure a quick jerk to see how deep it was logged inside my nostril and it came out.. My dad thanked me for removing the fish and the nostril hair from his lure and continued fishing with 5 seconds.. I sat in the cold boat the rest of the day with my nose pounding like I had been punched in the face.. So that was it.. My Dad claimed he caught the biggest fish.. So the trip was a success we got to hang out with the guys and really it was fun and there will be no recovery period this time..

Twins..
Still struggling but it is a long season and they will continue to get better they are just lacking a solid homerun threat in the lineup..

Twolves
This is it.. I don't like to consider the odds of whether they will win the lottery I like to consider the odds they will fall farther back then 7th.. If they don't get 1or 2 I would give the pick to the clippers and fold up shop nobody in this draft is in the same category as the top 2..

Guys Weekend..

There has been much discussion but little resolution. We have the date but not the location as far as everybody is concerned. It looks like having at M5's place is a long shot since the group feels that the close location and the physical size of the house prevents us from having our typical guys weekend comradery. JLO you being the most supreme alpha will have to battle this out with HOW and come up with a solution.. IJ and your little bro are non committal and I am on the fence but leaning away from my cabin because it requires work on my part.. JLO you might have to have a summit meeting with HOW and schpeedy and come up with a resolution..

Spidey 3..
The weakest of the three but not a bad film for my three boys.. I will give 2.5 baldies..
Wish me luck k I might attempt a 6 mile run this week to see where I am at..

GO HEAVY or Don't GO at all.

The Rollercoaster

Well I am finally recovered from my rough week of travel… Here is how it went, I arrive home from Germany on Friday (7hours time Difference) and we went straight to the cabin.. We had a ton of things to do up there as well as preparing for opening fishing the next morning.. So I tried to slip on the mash mellow bed (circa 1965.. ) My back hurt so bad my legs where tingling in the 3 hours of sleep I managed to get in.. The next morning my middle son C was too excited he wanted to get out fishing.. I looked outside and it appeared that Antie M was about ready to head to the root cellar but having the guilt of not seeing my kids for a week I managed to get the boat in the water and start fishing.. I ended up pounding my cheeks up down as we road thee 2 foot white caps for most of the day.. If I came from the lake my wife would have other tasks that she wanted me to do or my other boys would want me to play catch or wrestle or whatever.. By the end of the day I looked like Billy Joel give or take a few years.. (Have you seen that guy lately.. Yeah he aged nicely.. He doesn't need hair.. He looks like a bald wood tick.. He and I have a lot in common..) My in-laws arrived later in the day which meant that the mash mellow bed was not in my plans for the night it was going to be worse.. So I melded with the couch and dog hair for a blissful 3 hours of continuous slumber.. I know this is boring but so is my life continue reading/living I have to.. So needless to say I woke up sore angry bitter and bald… Life was getting back to normal.

We had to rush home from the cabin so I had to load the boat while trying to avoid the cows spinning above my head, man I hate loading a boat in a cross wind and I hate trying to hurry it as well as your wife looks on like you go to some class as guy for how to load a boat.. I get so angry and worked up that with my waiters on and my head turning purple I am like floating falic symbol bobbing out of the water.. So we threw the kids in the van and rushed home.. On the way home we where talking about getting the dog again and we pretty much decided it would have to wait until the summer months.. But two minutes later we saw a sign and we had welcomed another member to our family.. This is all good since I really am much happier/comfortable when I am angry.. Not sure what IJ called that syndrome but I am sure he will put it in a comment.

Why did we get a dog..
This is a boring depressing part but I need to get it off my chest and it is all part of the roller coaster..
I know I have talked about my son D in the past so there is no need for background story. But as he is getting older he is starting to plateau on what he is able to do.. Which is incredibly difficult for him and even more difficult for me.. We where just informed that some of the other programs that we are paying for are not going to be possible if he does not show more improvement.. So to either distract him or me subconsciously we got the puppy.. The puppy is so much work right now I can't believe people would do anything this insane for an animal.. But short story long D spends nearly every waking minute training/playing with the puppy.. My heart breaks each time I see him holding the dog.. I hope it is enough to distract him from this difficult time or in some way push him to reach his full potential.. At 1:00 AM and 5:00AM I was cleaning shit out of the crate and at that point I could have cared less what the dog meant to anybody but I am big softy emotionally and physically so I just keep doing it in hopes that it will get better..

Ok.. Enough of the depressing crap..
I will try to make this brief.. But each year we have the elementary musical which has not and will never change. The kindergarten kids stand on risers and sing and beat this sticks to rhythm and the 1st grader get up and they play the tambourines.. Yada Yada.. Well they pack about a thousand Wisconites into an old gymnasium to witness this event each year. It was about 98.6 degrees this year in the upper bleachers so all you could smell was Winston's and day old miller lite as they wedged us in against the other nylon green and gold clad parents and grandparents. My kids as usual looked for way not to be seen with there parents, immediately darted for any kid they knew in the bleachers so as not to sit next to one angry hot bald man.. My wife smiled and pretended not to be with me so her old high school classmates would think she was alone. But as luck would have it we where positioned next to my wife's boss at the school.. My wife realized the mistake and tried to make the best o of it by introducing me in hopes that she would pity her for the rest of the school year. Oh you poor thing it looks like you had to settle. He must be a great dad (That is a nice way of saying you have a hideous spouse in hope that it will comfort spouses who obviously outclasses there spouse.) The lady smiles as she introduces me and does what people do when they approach something they can stand.. Oh you look like (They bring up any bald guy they know.. Sort of like I have lots of gay friends) I wanted to come back with you look just like Ruth Fuzzy for my own reasons but in the end I smile and say oh that is interesting (like the hair on my back) .. So anyway the concert continues with all of the kids getting on the risers looking like deer stuck in the headlights and we all smile and clap since we know this will be all over soon.. Then the third class is brought up where C is standing up on the end. (that is important later.) They sing the song and C has a couple friend hanging on him and he is getting pretty comfortable. Well too comfortable.. When the second song starts he makes some room on the risors for him self and he starts doing the robot dance followed by a whole lot dancing choreagraphy and hand motions to the lyrics to the song.. Everyone that we know in the crowd is looking back at beauty and the baldy and is wondering what is wrong with this kid (he is the closet to thing to normal that I got).. C finishes his routine as the song ends and as we enjoy the moment for a bit while pretending it bothers us cause really with everything else going on this is nothing.. C throws kisses to the crowd as exits.. Not sure what the future holds for that kid but we are sure enjoying the roller coaster ride that gives us..
Weight and workout are doing great I am still not healthy with my knee but "it is what it is" when you are nearing 40...
I guess that is it for the day..
Heavy Out

Running on the Rhine

Another post from Germany( I can't sleep) . What is new heavy? Are you angry about anything? Today I am feeling very reflective.. I am not sure if that is an appropriate use of the word and nor do I care.. So let's just reflect back a few years. My wife was 8 months pregnant with my third child, I had just been let go from my old job that left me scrambling for a job that would cover my medical expenses, never mind that this job was supposed to be the job that freed me from being a cubicle rat for the rest of my life.

I found a job working at a nuclear plant. (Insert your own Homer Simpson joke here) There was no place for the contractor sit so I was stuffed into the computer room of the plant. The room was poorly lit and littered with Circa 1970's servers seriously you can't make this up.. I was seated with my back to the servers which kept the room at a balmy 90 degrees. The fan noise in the room prevented any meaningful phone conversation. I had been hollered at by a man that looked like his face was made of playdoh that I was not to drink diet coke in the computer room. The depression/funk that I was in could not be described.. I ran to the only thing that could make this better.. Like an angel (another contractor was hired to help me with the horridly tedious task that I was assigned) when he entered the room it was like a fluorescent eclipse all the light was blocked from my eyes.. This young guy was about 6'6 with a 13 lb shadow.. As all men of that ilk he introduced himself to me when I as talking my caffeine break..(you can't make this up.. it was like a smoke break only it was a liquid drug break.) As he was draining his liter bottle of Mountain Dew and I was attempting to inject the diet coke into my arm. He looked at my 10lb shadow and said "have you found a good place to eat around here".. He knew the answer but out of respect you just don't look at a fat guy and say "Boy I bet you know where to eat.." (Quick travel hint: If you are confused or in foreign territory follow a big man he will guide you to a good meal) Well anyway as I wiped the tears from eyes, "I said I have heard that the Casino has a pretty good buffet" (I knew the entire staff) . He an I became fast friends and my weight approached a level that I really never thought I could achieve.

It has taken me nearly 6 years to recover from that situation. Yesterday I walked home from a long day of working at this office overlooking the city of Dusseldorf, the weather was a perfect 70 degrees.. I went up to my room at the Hilton relaxed for a few minutes on the most comfortable bed and comforter I have ever been exposed to. I then slipped on my running gear and pod.. I ran(waddled) through the city streets before arriving at this beautiful park along the Rhine river. The park extends for miles along the river.. They have these running/biking paths that are lined with flowering trees.. It was by far the most enjoyable run I have ever had.. I can't believe how great I felt as I was passing the kids in strollers and couples enjoying the gorgeous evening.. I did manage to stumble in front of college age kids who got a good chuckle watching me trying to catch my balance and support my huge bald cranium. I am still probably going to be a cube rat for the rest of my career but at least now I can drink coke light at my desk and I can see daylight from my desk and I have managed to work my weight down to a 7 lb shadow. I hope I never have to go through that again but I guess it makes where I am now feel so much better.. The big heavy is actually feeling happy and I think I could get use to it..

Book
Ij recommended that I read the "The Road".. I guess my review is simple I picked up the book and in one flight I finished the book and I can't stop thinking about it.. It is this horribly depressing story about a father and son trying to survive in a situation that is described in a detail and style that is so beautifully told that you wish it wasn't describing the horrific situation that they where in. The relationship between the two of them is so gripping and warm that it will make you cherish ever minute you have with your own kids.. Anyway this book is difficult to recommend since it is just so depressing.. I will give this the highest rating I have since I don't think I will come across another book like this again. 4 out of 4 baldies.. Just don't expect this to be a nice happy easy read..

Vikings
I loved the draft but I am not sure you wanted to here another draft grade from me but if you do holler and I will post my thoughts..

My head is bald the beer is cold

HeavyD Out..

Minnesota ViCant's

The NFL draft is Saturday.. You can almost feel the anticipation in the air.. I hope this year we can get another Iowan with a bad knee.. I am proud to say this year that I will not be watching it live .. (I might tivo it) Or hey maybe we can get a quarterback who can't throw or a offensive lineman that can't block or defensive end that can't sack the quarterback( no we already have two of those) or maybe a receiver that can't catch (no we used the 7th pick 2 years ago on one of those..) Maybe they have some running backs that can't run…I guess it all comes together when we have an offensive coach that can't coach offense (even though it is a kick ass offense) or can't call plays.. Hmm it is all coming together.. We got him to run a tight ship.. Wait that ship doesn't float when we have had 10 arrests this year.. Yes 10 , can you imagine another sport where it is normal for the players to get arrested.. Oh yeah it happens in the NBA.. I am going to start watching more hockey at least they don't arrest them for fighting.. No I can't, I don't get the outdoor life channel or whatever it is that they have stuck hockey on.

Ok I need get this out first.. I am so frustrated with this that I have not been able to even blog about it.. The Timberwolves are going to bring Kevin McHale back. Apparently they where in discussions to bring in Matt Millen but they broke down since he is not one of us so they stuck with the horse that got us here. I think this is part of the David Stern death sentence for the Joe Smif fiasco. You will lose 5 first round draft choices and you have to have Kevin McHale in charge for 10 years.. Sort of like when Jordan was forced to play baseball because of his gambling problem.. .. The team entered the season with 8 guards and then "McHale says at the last press conference we need some bigs. It took him 82 games to realize that." Wow there are some chemistry issues when you have 8 guards for two positions. I have a plan for the Minnesota State Magnet.. (props) Install the triangle of leadership at target center.. I would put BOH in charge of player personnel. I would put SW in charge of the coaching staff.. And I would be the official ball buster.. If BOH loses his mind and wants to sign any player to more than a 2 year deal I kick BOH square in the jewels.. If SW starts TDUD I kick BOH again because he signed him and because I like kicking BOH.. I cut them all every last one of them that has contract of more than 2 years.. I would also put in an ugly clause that does not allow you to sign any player that looks uglier than me.. That will keep out THUD,Cassell maybe that won't work I set the bar pretty low.. No one on that team deserves the salary they are getting from McHale on down yes Hoiberg too yeah I know you have a bad heart and all but still someone has to say enough is enough.. I can't take it anymore you can't have a successful league or team when guys like Ricky Avis (No D in Davis) making the kind of money he does when he says and acts like this. I quote " I play defense when the teem needs me to.". (What the heck does that mean Avis) I have plenty of anger but I just have to stop somewhere.. Garnett you lost me when you decided to sit at home while "your" team finished the season. You make 20 million a year and you don't have the class to show up to the game.. That was bush league I used to think you would rise above that but you did not. Yes this is a horrible team but you are not a great player unless you are a great leader as well.. Just my opinion take your 20 million and enjoy it you will never win a title..

So back to the Vikes
Here is my prediction.. They are much smarter than we are so they are going to get guys that will help this team in the long run Yeah... I am not a very bright guy but if you want to get a stadium here you might want to get someone in here that make people want to watch.. And this is a thought it is kind of difficult to run an offense when you don't have a guy that can throw and you have a high jumper receiving the ball.. So I look for the Vikings to draft this Landry guy from LSU at safety even though we have 5 safeties on the team and it is arguably the best position on the current roster.. Or if possible they will take another D end so we can have yet another first round draft choice that can't rush the passer.. Seriously here is what I would do.. Either trade a player or a pick to move up and get Calvin Johnson or slide down in the draft and pick up a few quality receivers like the Mechum kid from Tennessee or Garret from USC.. Staying at 7 buys you nothing I believe you would get just as much value near the 20th pick. I think they really need to draft at least two more corners.. Maybe one to return kicks and another to backup and play the nickel.. I would fill this roster with some playmakers regardless of size or position I believe you can get some tweaner guys that are good possession receivers/running backs that could break some plays after they catch the ball.


Weight/Workout
My knee is still hurting but I keep icing and running on it sparingly. My weight is sitting right around 229 or so which is pretty good but I am trying to build some tone before I get any lighter.. I will be in Germany next week so I will have to stick to walking and playing badminton.. I like playing it because it gives you an opportunity to say shuttlecock and make people around you really uncomfortable but talking about when you really smashed that shuttlecock..


GWE
JLO my blogs have been boring and few and far between I could use a great topic or statement form you to get me going again.. Looking forward to the planning session on Saturday.. What film should we see?

BOH turned 44 wow you think he would have aged better.. Well it is what it is..

Crap one more thing.. IJ what is the Penfold that we had the other night.. That was just a step up in my mind..

IJ just reminded me it was a Penfold Bin 389 a very good wine to impress people with I give it 3.5 baldies.. Rich smooth full bodied.

Popped Balloon

Out

Sometimes it snows in April

Sometimes you feel so bad..

Ok.. No excuse I just need to quit being so lazy and start posting more.. Lets run down a few updates..

We are going to have a brief name change on the site.. One of the original characters (BS) in this blog continues to amaze me with his feats of stupidity. I used to keep him around simply because he is as bald and ugly as I am but he always maintained the upper hand by being thinner and smarter than me… (Sort of like being the best cruise line in Greece..) But upon further review he is still thinner than me but he is equally as dumb.. So from this point forward I will reference BS as BOH as in dumber than a Bag of Hammers..

I am not going to complain about the weather it is just too easy and personally I have succumbed to the beast this year.. We had a year of no snow until March but effectively have had winter conditions from October until Mid April. If I wasn't as dumb as BOH I would have moved already but you get used to it..

Weight has been a been tougher than ever to move this last five pounds but hey I finally hit a number this 5lbs lighter than I was 15 years ago at my wedding.. I hit 225 before Easter Dinner 229 after.. So hey I was feeling pretty good about myself since I have mantained this whole healthy thing through a pulled porkstring a torn veal and now a torn mcl.. So the following morning I went for the ultimate test I attempted to shave my head and face without wearing my second skin (white t shirt) in front of the mirror.. Well after looking at my misshapen cranium acne ridden complexion and overall popped balloon upper body.. I opted to put the second skin back on brush the vomit off my teeth and vowed to myself to never do that again until I am sub 210 and have at least attempted some sort of weight lifting program..


Please skip


I am going to add something new to the blog just really for me but feel free to give me your opinion.. I am going to be adding the wine that I am drinking and what I thought of it so that I can remember what to buy next.. IJ and went to the Hasels nickel wine sale last week.. Great idea if you want to try a ton of different types of wine and get some decent deals on stocking your wine rack at home.. So here goes and again I am too dumb to remember since I looked at so many different things that day but I believe IJ and I had a tremendous red with a couple of steaks on the grill this was a great wine for the money Pedroncelli Motherclone Zinfandel under 10 bucks at the wine sale..
I really enjoyed the big full flavor of this.. And I am now starting to think that Zinfadel is my favorite grape.. Since most of my favorite reds have Zin in them..


I wanted to find a resling that wasn't too sweet for me and that my wife would like as well.. After tasting a few at the store I wound up buying Dr. Loosen Riesling.. We shared it with my bro and his wife and really is the perfect wine before dinner or with cheese and crackers(what isn't) any way I am going to be keeping a supply of this around since it turned out to be a very nice smooth wine that even my wife enjoyed and that was not to sweet..


Vikings..
I am completely bored with them

Wolves
I am so angry with this entire organization.. I have hard time believing I will follow them next year unless the organization is gutted from McHale down the line and most of the roster is just plain cut..

Twins
It is going to be tough year if we play the Yankees a lot but since we don't it should be a great year..

HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAVYYYYYYYYYYDDDDD

First post from outside the US

The last post about M5 got my blood boiling so I am inspired to blog some this week.. As I sit hear typing this the sun is rising over the city skyline in Dusseldorf Germany I am staring out the window and my anger toward M5 has subsided a little so this post is going to be a little more difficult to do. The flight over here was very relaxing.. Well maybe a little too relaxing.. But it does bring to mind one of the great  philosophical questions of this age.. If you fart with your head phones on and you can't hear it, can anyone else  hear it.. Sort of a if the tree falls in the woods.... blah blah ..  When I ride on the plane I constantly have headphones on to discourage anyone from feeling the need to strike up a conversation with me on 9 hour flight..  But with my usual pace of flatulence of 3-4 sharts an hour that leaves me with nearly 30 trips to the bathroom or 25 attempts try to sneak out a few during the commotion of serving drinks or dinner.. The guy next to me will usually ask the stewardess if his food has spoiled ( just kidding) But what usually happens is I drift of to sleep and blast away with nary a care in the world.. 

That thought brings back a funny story.. When my bro and I used to eat lunch everyday when we worked together a few years back.. Well lets just say the my bro has the family flatulence problem that I have..  We always ate at the company cafeteria that was cheap and generally had pretty good food. We opted to eat in the blue collar café just because we could eat without having to do the fake hi's to everyone we knew.. Anyway that sets the stage.. It was a hot day and the guys from the warehouse where just coming into the air-conditioning  to relax before heading out again.

 Well there is this big old guy we will call him Fred because it suits him perfectly.. Well Fred is wearing his company uniform that has been sweat through about 3 times already this morning and he didn't get any sleep because Martha kept complaining that Fred hadn't had the air conditioner serviced before the summer and her dad always took care of those things so she didn't have to worry about these issues and she hated being nag but if she didn't say something about it would never get done.. Let's just say life and the heat had gotten the better part of Fred and he just needed to relax but Martha constant nagging about the food he should eat had finally gotten through and Fred skipped the meat loaf and mash potatoes that day and opted for the pre-made salad..

Well back to the flatulence twins.. Bro looks at me and gets that goofy looks on his face that he was going to make magic happen..  He looks to the left and to the right to make sure the coast is clear.. But he does not see Fred sloshing his way directly behind him and he lays down a sulfur laden WMD and looks at me for acknowledgement.. I see Fred and raise my eyebrows so bro turns all the way around sees that Fred is going to sit as close to bros chair as Iraq is to Iran..  We both freeze and wonder if Fred will notice the mushroom cloud that is rising about him.. Sorta like wondering if I will order another cold German beer after dinner..  Fred flops himself down and stares at the plastic container containing the green poison salad that Martha is forcing him to eat after his bypass last fall.. Well just as Fred opens the lid just and just as the sulfur has made its way into his nostrils and all is quiet from the flatulence twins.. He then reels back and says to his buddy I think this salad has gone bad.. Smell it Bill it smells like shit as he pushes the green poison in his buddies face never realizing it was Bro's cabbage laden wonder he dropped 30 seconds earlier..  Bro and I are dying it will go down as one of the funniest events that I was ever party to..

Ok.... Back to today.. Pretty cool night last night.. It is the white asparagus season here so I had a meal of White asparagus soup and shrimp.. Followed by White asparagus and grilled salmon.. Along with the famous alt beer that was so cold it made your teeth chatter.. We ate this seated outside where we where able to relax and watch the interesting German locals who where going out for a spring walk and dinner.. We ended the evening  by walking the flower laden trail along the Rhine river back 3 miles to our hotel.. It was pretty amazing night..  I know I am a broken record here but the only problem was calming the storm in my stomach after 4 beers so as not to embarrass myself (more than usual) on the walk home..

Weight.. Still doing great I think it will be a month or so before I can be in the 220's but I am still at it.. My knee is getting a ton better and I will start to run again when I get back next weekend.. On a pretty cool note I spilled on myself at work (no shock) before I  was going out with B.S. and M5 that evening right after work so I asked M5 if he had any fat pants for me.. He showed me some 38 that where too big.. So I ended up wearing a pair of his 36 pants.. It was pretty damn cool to fat guy trying on 42's pants last fall..

HeavyD Out..

Please Skip This Post

The happiness the joy of living it is really tiring. Life is pretty good for me right now and I could not be more content with my situation. It is really hard to get use to but I am adjusting.. So let me give you a quick rundown on life.. My family spent a couple of days at the Kalahari indoor water park last week during there spring break. It was going to be nice to go somewhere where I have to take my shirt of and not look summer sausage… Not so lucky I took my shirt off in the room and I still have a long way to go. I looked old and sloppy I really need to lift weights and lose an additional 25 lbs and to be honest I probably looked better at 280 then at least I looked like I was beefy.. Now I just look heavy and old.. (Not to get off on a tangent but why is it that even though I am bald and approaching 40 fast that I still get zits like a 15 year old.. ) Back on the point as I had the best few days of my life with my kids.. My wife and I had are own room and the kids all had there own huge bed and TV fireplace etc.. It is great to go places with the kids they get so excited it just amplifies everything and makes everything seem larger than life.. It used to be that my wife would do this kind of trip it was someone staying with the younger kid(s) and the other hanging out with the older kids so we would barely have time to do things together.. Now we can all pretty much do the same things it was just so relaxing other than the 70% people there that feel the need to pierce or tattoo every inch of there body.. It is just hilarious to see these moms try and act like they are Mrs. cleever with their young kids and they have this nasty tattoo on there lower back shaped like a crucifix pointing toward there crotch.. Wow mom that looks nice oh I am sure that you a good girl. That will make for some nice conversations when those kids are teenagers..

Torn MCL
Well the vacation was great but something always has to go a little wrong.. So I am riding this flowrider(http://www.flowrider.com/) To cut this short this thing is creates a constant wave that you can kneeboard on or surf on with a "snowboard like ski" .. You have to wait quite awhile to do it but it is extremely fun I will put a picture of the big heavy on the blog.. Maybe not.. So as usual I think I have to prove that I am not an overweight middle aged man I try to do all the tricks the 20 year olds are doing and actually I am able to do most of the simple rolls and what not but the young kid since my insecurity and try's to get me to do something a little harder well apparently I am too old too large and too uncoordinated to pull the 360 spin on the top of the board.. My left leg get's caught up in the current and hurt my knee.. It hurts really bad but I cannot show any weakness in front of this crowd of people so I suck it up and am glad that my shorts are wet so that no one can see that I have nearly pissed my self with the pain that I have just endured and I walk off.. This must be the year of injury for me.. I was pretty lucky after going to the doctor and having an x-ray it looks like I did not tear it to bad in fact I was walking 3 miles on it within 3 days.. But there is still a ton of pain but I will take that over a knee surgery..

Weight
232 seems is killing me I can't seem to break this barrier I am going to extend my miles to 4 and try eat less on my evening meal.. But hey I feel great.. I should be able to start running next week if the knee continues to progress..

Movies..
I have seen way to many crappy movies to mention this year already.. But I saw 300 with the guys weekend guys awhile back and I really enjoyed it.. We are not talking academy awards or anything but it just had a cool edge and different look to the movie.. I really could careless that it was 80% CGI it did not feel like a video it was more like a high tech arty violent dark film..

I would recommend this for any guy but not many women.. The legs and heads flying off at constant pace does get a little gruesome.. 3 baldies out of 4..

M5
I should have a separate post on this one.. But I just don't have the time.. M5 is selling his 2000 540i this week.. When he sent me an email it brought me back to a time when I "thought" I was going to actually have money and that I wouldn't be working in a cubicle for the man the rest of my life.. I helped M5 pick up the car at the dealership.. He was going from 12 year old Honda accord to this 60G car man I hoped someday I would have enough money to buy something half as cool as this car.. I thought I was living a fantasy and oh yes I was.. I lost the opportunity to get of the cube rat race just one short year later.. As I type this in my cube where I am a nameless rat I am ok with now.. I am content but my opportunity to do anything different is gone.. Ok.. I almost forget that M5 was the guy that laid me off and he now owns an even nicer car and lives in a mansion.. Yep I am angry again and I will continue to post…

Twins are about to start.. It is going to be a great year..

Hey if you did not read the comment from IJ from yesterday please read it.. It puts this filthy blog to shame (not hard to do)

In Germany next week.. Out

schwerD

Old Post Lost

I found this old post that I typed while at the airportin Chitown.. It was wierd day and wierd post.. But it is what is..


So Here I sit in Chicago on my way to germany...
I have nothing but great memories of this city.. Sitting with IJ in what appeared to me as 120 Degree heat to watch the cubs play the Houston Astros.. We sweat like two fat chicks on Jenny Craig in a chocolate factory. We watched all 9 innings in that heat that day and I could not wipe the smile off my face.. Wow baseball on a hot day in chicago.. Cold beers and pizza followed.. We where big dumb fat and burnt but we loved it.. I could go on and on but I just love baseball in the summer.. IJ and traveled the upper part of the U.S. watching baseball a few years ago and I could not have had a better time.. I think of that as the baseball season begins.. Baseball is just so pure please stay away from the game Barry bonds there is nothing like it in the world.. 160 +games of pure americana.. The Twins came off the best year that I could possibly imagine.. I don't care what they did in the post season they where magical.. It was just the best days I could imagine.. Santana was onstoppable Mauer was a cagey veteran at 23 years old.. Mornea was just a solid MVP candidate down the stretch… I have said this before but I feel it again as the season begins.. Baseball is back.. Baseball is great…. FU Barry Bonds leave this game alone.. America is not a blood thirsty kille...r we love to hit baseballs and pitch in the sun and laugh.. America is alive.. America is baseball..
Sure I have had 6 glasses of red wine and 2 bloody maries waiting for my plane to depart in MSP for Chicago.. I am a little tispy but I am ready to post.. I have so many worthless things too add to googles search engine.. I ripped on wrestling on Thursday/Friday.. Dang it I was right.. My Son C was not ready for wrestling this weekedend he is apart of terrible program but all all that being said I have never been more proud of him.. So we drove to the armpit of the world and decided to enter a wrestling tournament in Wisconsin.. These people where hideaous and insane.. I think I heard one man in coveralls say to the other "LETS MAKE HIM SQUEEL LIKE A PIG" but hey I figured this was C's chance to embarce his wrestling roots.. After 4 hours of watching C entered the octagon of death to begin his journey into the sports backwash of the world.. C walked onto to the Mat thinking there was no phyiscal equal to him.. He had defeated every kid from every weight from every grade he was ready to take his crown as best wrestler without a mullet this side of the Missippi River.. (Props to simley) C got caught in an inside craddle and pinned before he knew what was happenning.. He had never seen that move before but he walked off the mat and never shed a tear or dipped his head for one minute.. He just looked at me and said what was that Dad.. I told him what I could and he shook his head and decided that he was not the best wrestler that had ever taken that mat.. C never faltered in his ability or his will to win he gave what he had every time he walkded onto to the mat but our school did not give him the tools he needed to be successful.. But that is not the story.. Let me give you my version.. I took C aside after his second loss and prepared him to face the Lions for a third time that day.. We where back in a lockeroom all by ourselves and C flat out told me that I really want to go home.. I did what worked for me.. I told him to run around the lockeroom and get warm and he ran by I hollered wrestling encouragement at him. C you need to find away to bring about the beast in you.. Wait a minute I stopped.. I am not very smart but it came to me at that moment.. The only way I could win in wrestling was to bring out the beast.. No one will believe this unless you where there but before I would wrestle I made my Dad slap me across the face as hard as he could.. I had to create artificical rage to get my blood boiling.. My Dad would slap me hard enough where the flight or fright reaction would kick in.. I had the rage I needed to "kill" wrestle the other oppenent.. Wow this is hard to admit to you all but I needed a drug to slap my body to get myself ready to kill.. Without that I couldn't muster the fight I needed to wrestle at the highest level.. ..I am an idiot I thought about play slapping C around to get him ready to wrestle at this little backwater wrestling tournament.. I am dumb but I stopped C is better than I was not.. C lost his match with class and honor he held his head high.. He has since fallen on harder times..



Go Twins

See ya KG

I tore my MCL.. Will post later..

Don't hate the players hate the GM

Heavy D.... Out..

Whole lotta nothin

Where are the Vikings going.. How are they going to get people to come to the games.. What chance do they have of winning games next year when they have not added anything to a team that was lucky to be 6-10. Why do we sign players to long term contracts that could have been picked up off of waivers.. Wilf is becoming just like Red.. I am not sure if he is getting this payroll clear so he can sell it or move it.. But not talking to the media after your team is in a tailspin is a recipe for disaster. I am thinking of growing a mustache like Childress. If we trade Oakland a 3rd round choice we can get moss and I will guarantee sellouts for the next two seasons.. No free agents short of a few who should be on practice squads will even visit with Minnesota.. Somehow are team has gotten arrogant and full of themselves when they have done nothing but deteriorate a franchise..

TimberSpaniels
Ugly pathetic bloated lazy no I am not describing myself (It would be if you added gassy). Wittman is trying to win games to save his job.. It makes no difference who coaches this team they are pathetic heartless overpaid children.. Hoiberg can try and arrange the deck chairs on this titanic but it is still going to sink.. If I was taylor I would get out of the NBA business.. It is bleeding itself out and is completely directionless.. They switched from a synthetic ball to a real ball in January is there any chance they can get rid of the synthetic hearts these guys play with an insert some real heart.. They don't want to play they could care less how the team is doing or if they are winning or losing.. They hug and kiss each other before the game then they throw punk punches at scrubs I am sorry the less athletic guys (white guys) while shooting jumpers. Sports media is afraid to say it but Kobe has been called twice for this and both happen to be less afltetic guys.. And it takes effort since not a whole lotta them ever see the floor.. Bring back the ugly pistons or something at least they punched you in the face .. This respect love crap these players give each other is sick.. Everyone is always taking about representin and keeping it real and all the other B.S. Why don't you show some respec for yourself and quit putting Tat's on yourself like your peddling crack buddies and wearing "bling" that no can afford unless it is stolen or they are selling rock on the street.. I could say trade this guy or trade that guy. I say screw them all don't give anyone a guaranteed contract.. The T.V. ratings are plummeting attendance is going down the toilet blow this league up and make this guys earn back people by playing hard playing to win and please make the games and the playoffs count.. On a side not Mike James congratulations on winning the lottery.. Troy Hudson should thank you.. You have made the worst guard in the league appear to have value since you are so horrible.. You should pay to play in the NBA..

Weight/Running
I can't hit my target of 22X but I just keep trying.. I feel great and I believe I can sustain what I am doing.. I ran a 5k on the treadmill in under 30 minutes which is a miracle for me.. I am still struggling with being happy most of the time but we all have our cross to bare..

Movies
I am ashamed by the last two I saw.. Ghost Rider and Wild Hogs.. I would not was one minute watching either of these movies.. Of course I enjoyed watching Ghost Rider with D since he thought "it rocked" in his words.. But it was really a lame movie.. Wild Hogs was insulting the production value was like the dukes of hazards in the 80's with the fake grass and scenery it was embarrassing and insulting.. I will give both of these movies a .5 baldies out of 4.. Don't see them.

Quick Story
Big heavy women got on the bus(you could tell she was heavy I could hear the VHHH SHSHS noise of here poly's pants rubbing even with my ipod on.) She has two kids in front of hear that look to be two cigarette burns short of crying and they decide to jump on my seat and wipe the snow off their boots on my arm.. She yelled to the 2 year old "Damn it chartruce get your ass off that man's seat" I smiled and and she yelled what you looking at.. I pulled the chord for the next stop and got off the bus.. I don't think the life ahead is going to be real fun for chartruce..

Help Needed
For a lot of good reasons.. (I don't want to hear bashing..) We are going to be getting a dog this year.. Does anyone have any good suggestions.. Breed to buy or people you know who sell those breeds..

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Still Happy Dang it

I will make this short since I am still struggling with the whole happy thing..
Bobby Day
I am the opposite of the real coach.. C's team ending up placing fourth in our league and winning 50% of the games.. The kids all started playing better towards the end of the year and really started to enjoy the game.. So mission accomplished on my part.. I may or may not coach year depending on how C feels about me coaching. I have hard time not putting pressure on him and I would hate to wreck his experience.. I still can't believe how competitive I am I have to fight with my will to win every second of every game so that I make sure I don't let the real heavyD out..
Movies
I have watched so many since they have movies on demand on the flights to Europe.. So I will just run some of them down..
Illusionist.. 2.75 baldies out of 4.. Ed Norton is just solid... nothing earth shattering but an interesting storyline.
World Fastest Indian.. 2.5 baldies.. Well done simple story..
Football movie with the Rock. .5 baldies done 20 times before nothing new and poor acting
Timber wolves
I am really closer than before on completely losing any interest in them or the NBA.. Nothing interests me any more about this league and the wolves are a perfect example. We have street thugs with amazing physical abilities that could care less about playing hard or playing at all if it didn't make them millions of dollars.. Blow up the whole idea of the NBA you have failed to take this league into the next century.. To many games too few talented players and you have lost the game of basketball as we know it.. If the players don't care about themselves or the game then why should we.. The same players on the same team that was in the worst pro sport incidents in Detroit are caught shooting guns at a strip club at 3AM they have not learned.. If I was an owner I would lock these players out.. Let them all play over seas and pay the college kids to play hoops with a salary cap that is equal to the effort they are giving on defense each.. For instance Rick Davis would only be payed for 3 games this year.. THUD would be paying glen taylor still.. And Mike James would be filing for bankruptcy,, And KG would have to have one diamond the size of an orange instead of two.. Yeah I know I feel this way because the tiberwolves are a terrible team but I do think this is the worst NBA season I have watched or not watched in 30 years..

Weight
Extremely happy although I still haven't dropped below 230 yet but I am actually getting into pretty good aerobic shape.. If only I could lose some head circumference.. I am able to run 3 miles pretty easy and I am now just trying to get my time down.. I am struggling with my ipod since running with it is making the disk fail.. I have to come up with a better solution. If you don't have a treadmill it is truly the truth serum for people that say they are trying to work.. There is no excuse for not working out running or walking.. It is always there all you have to do is get on it instead of watching TV.. If you are lazy like me it couldn't be better since I workout and watch tivo at the same time.. So it does not affect whatever "schedule" I have in my life..
I will post more.. Sorry HEAVYDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

No Anger No Bitterness No Blog

Okay something new and boring..
I read the Post Office by Charles Bukowksi… IJ read it since Bukowksi is referenced in a Dan Bern song.. I read it because the book looked small and IJ said it was written so that a 3rd grader could comprehend it..( A bit of stretch but I thought I will give it a shot) So I got my dictionary ready and started reading.. In short this is a book about a drunken loser that gets through life by drinking and doing work that he absolutely despises.. I think Bern and I are on the same page this book is gutteral and simple like me and for whatever reason I just enjoyed this book for what it was.. I gave it 3 baldies and would recommend it to simpletons like me. BS you can read it to all the wrestling Dads on your long weekend trips..
Why I struggle with Wrestling.
All of this opinions below are solely my opinion that have no basis on fact but on my own feelings. My son C is really getting into wrestling and it really bothers me.. Sure as my son I want him to do things that he enjoys but Wrestling just makes really uncomfortable. I don't think they should allow kids whose parents who have never wrestled before in wrestling. Yeah I know that sounds like I am out of my mind but I mean that.. Wrestling just has so many stigmas that are not positive.. Yeah they have shirts that say this but they are really true.. You play football or Play Hoops or Play Hockey There is no play in wrestling not one bit. Almost everything that is attached to wrestling is true. They really smell yes when you sweat yourself through for hours at a time in an enclosed place it smell like ass and eventually you smell like the other wrestlers who wash there clothes in pig urine at home since you are swapping 20% of your body weight in fluids every night with the guys around you.. Wrestling hurts most of the time the holds in wrestling are designed to inflict pain or go against a joint so that you will relent and roll over.. Sort of like being married.. Well not quite like that.. You don't look cool in wrestling.. You look like homo out there.. Wrestlers know that.. there is no way around it you have to wear these clothes it is all part of it.. It is not like wrestlers go yeah I want to wear the singlet that looks like I am ready to take a dip in pool in the 1920's.. Basically you are wearing an oversized jock that pins your junk to your body so you look like you got nothing going down there.. The side benefit is that you can always tell who is gentile.. No too much information.. Wrestling is a second hand citizen sport.. Yeah I have heard it all before it is the most natural sport we have .. it was in the first Olympics.. Again I don't care.. You take anybody to wrestling match and the first question almost always is why would you want to do that.. I have no answer.. When you’re a winner in wrestling it gives you machismo or self confidence much like men in Latin America who have 14 children.. But it is really only to you.. No one else cares how good you are.. I am an excellent sleeper congratulations knock yourself out no cares if you sleep well. It is barbaric.. It helps to be dumb.. Both of these "skills" I have. I really enjoyed watching my family wrestle growing up but I can honestly say somewhere down the line it stopped being fun for me and it weirdly coincided with me getting to be a better wrestler.. Again congrats again no one cares if you wrestle.. When wrestling in a room without people it can be fun but you really don't want to be on display while doing it.. Sort of like riding my scooter.. Again when you say you like to wrestle in a room with a man with no people around it just doesn't sound good hard to put a positive spin on wrestling with a man. I will blog more on this but I just had to get some of this out.. C is wrestling this weekend and I will cheer for him to do well but it is really a road that I hope he enjoys because it is not the road I would choose.. Just my thoughts


Big dumb Heavy Out..

Where have I been

No Blogging.. Maybe I put on weight.. Maybe I am depressed.. Maybe I lost my job..  Those would all be good topics but none of those things happened to me. I have acquired herpes gladitorium and decided to take 8 days off to make sure my wounds have healed before I blogged. Actually I have been pretty busy at life and work but here goes.. A quick update on some items.. 

My son's basketball team is approaching  .500 and we are on a torrid 2 game winning streak.  I think this will be my last year coaching hoops I love it but I don't think I am cut out for it.. I had the team running lines (I ran them with them) to get them really tired so they could practice shooting and passing when they where tired.. The weird part is it really worked they where too tired to goof around and they listened during the teaching periods of practice. I missed a few games when I was in Germany and I actually think they played better when I was gone. I think I can teach ok but the kids feel a little too much pressure when I am on the bench during games. I wonder what these kids would think if I really didn't hold my self back..

I think I am in better shape than I have been in the last 10 years.. I am now to the point that when I measure my heartrate when  I step on the treadmill I am not at my target rate for my age..  I can jog three miles ok on the treadmill but would prefer to run outside since I seem to run so slow on the treadmill. Still can't break in the 220's  I think I need to run more and eat less to get there but due to the weather I am ok with it for now..

I just want to clear this up a few weeks ago I thought I felt like I lived through our first earth quake in RF but it turns out that 1.25 just fell of his roof. The good news is he is ok now and he now has an area hollowed out in front of his house for a pool.

Vikings
"We got him" we have been waiting for this coach from the colts to win the super bowl so that he be our substitute defensive coordinator. I think this guy will be fine since Childress said he is going to leave the defense alone and concentrate on the kick ass offense he created last year.  Being Vikings idiot I will somehow get excited about them being good for next year but unless they get a new play caller this team is going to be pretty boring whether they win or lose..

Wolves
Wow the big heavy is slowly losing his NBA vive.. I just can't stand the lack of effort in the NBA right now and I know most of it is because the wolves are simply waiting for the season to end but I just don't see the effort for these players at all right now.. I wish there was a away to cut back on the number of games played and give these teams something to play for.. Wittman is a decent coach but how you can you tell with this team they have no heart they have no pride they no winners on this team. If you have ever heard Mike James interviewed you will know why this team is a mess.. Mike James is insane he thinks the whole world is out to get NBA players and everyone is trying to keep him down.. I wish these guys would lose there bobos and have some real friends with real jobs If I had a friend that was in the NBA I would inform them how lucky they are to be making 5 million a year playing a game and if they pulled this feeling sorry for yourself or the man is out to get you.. That signing has been worth than Sam Cassel he is horrible player with a horrible attitude and all around thug..

Twins
Can't wait for the season to start.. I have high hopes.. But it is just to early to get fired up about baseball when it is 10 below 0..

Movies
SweetLand One of my favorite small movies of the year.. If you are like me from a Scand avian upbringing in the Midwest this movie is a must see.. It just gives you some insight on what it was like for great grandparents when they came to America..

The scenery (it was shot in Minnesota) was worth it for me alone.. The acting was subtle but it just reflected the time perfectly..

I am not saying this is the greatest movies of all time but it was a really nice small film.. 3.5 baldies out of 4.

Life
My uncle died this last week.. I really don't need to go into the details but I was fortunate enough to be able to help my parents go to the funeral in small town in Wisconsin. The warmth that all of my Uncles family surrounded the people that came down to the funeral was amazing. You can do a lot of things right or wrong in your life but in the end it is really about the impact you have on the people's life around you and all the people in my Uncle life couldn't be doing better. I was proud to say that I was his nephew..  By the way my Mom's knee is doing great she is walking with here new Knee better than here old one already.. My dad is struggling with his wrist that looks to have some nerve damage as well. But the doctors believe this can be resolved by taking out to the plates and pins but it requires yet another surgery..(I am such a dumbass for going up that hill)  Just a quick observation on my family when they are all together.. I don't believe any of my uncles way more than 150 lbs and I none of them are as tall as my wife.. My cousins all have hair are thin and are in general very small people. I love being referred to as the large freakish looking cousin that looks like mr. clean. I get the ohh…. you must have been the football player.. I wanted to return with ohh you must been the jockey but I didn't.. Again another situation where I stuck out like Muslim at a notre dame football game.

I went with privileged FT to watch the mighty Hopkins Royals play against Cretin last night.. I love high school hoops and they both have some great athletes.. I was very impressed with this wide receiver from Cretin that is being recruited by all the real colleges like USC and Notre Dame he is very athletic when he shot his jumper he looked like he was three feet off the ground.. The one gopher recruite that kid that shot that three from his butt a few years ago scored like 30 but he is not a great athlete he can shoot but he is pretty slow and I never same him really give you the impression that he could create his own shot..  The one humorous item was when one of FT's limizone hippie friends told the waiter to take back his styrofoam containter and bring him some aluminium foil for the environment and all.. 

I know this is boring but it is what it is I am out..

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