Something New for 2007

Hint remeber the post on tis the season..
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Fight Gravity

I just wanted to a quick post on this.. I changed the look and feel and I added pic to give you an idea of what gravity and double cheeseburgers have done to heavyd.. Ouch I used to wonder why my kids didn't look like me they look like the old me thank goodness.. Ohh I was still dumb and all but at least I didn't frighten people. Hey I ate lunch with BS and M5 today.. It was a good lunch it was nice to not want to be M5 for once.. It even looked BS actually was happy he wasn't single loaded and still had hair.. I think that is why B.S. likes to hang out with me he looks at my bald head I look at his and we both think we look better than each other so that works for me..
I just talked to the wonderthompsontwins today.. Activate shape of a hoover damn Activate shape of a Grizzly bear.. No that is dumb and no one is going to get it.. I do and it made me laugh so it is staying.. It looks like they are going to tackle the weight demon together this year.. I hope all goes well. I hear you fellas I am with you.. If you care this is the only thing I can seem to stick with. Eat something good for breakfast everyday no matter what I believe you need it to get your metabolism rolling ( I have old fashioned oat meal it fills you up for the whole day I don't skimp at all I just don't have any sugar on it either. . Track it make sure you do 10,000 step everyday.. I have been just getting up every hour or so and do a lap get some water or tea( I drink a ton of tea to get as much water as I can in a day.. It also is cheap and fills my caffeine urge.. I have one pop in the morning and1- 2 at night,,, that is a huge deal for me).. Then eat a normal lunch quality soups at the café here are good and cheap as well. ( I try and walk at least a mile at lunch everyday it is quick I don't get swass and it helps make my workouts at night simple since I have my steps in during the day. Then at night my wife does not make anything special for me or anything (It helps that our entire household does not really eat any processed food) Pretty simple you just don't eat anything white (we use whole wheat bread,pasta,rice,tortilla and whatever. Then the toughest item of all is no food after 7:00 or 7:30.. This is the hardest so far I have only struggled with this on the holidays and popcorn at the movies.. I can't remember where I saw this but it really works for me as well.. It reminds me of wrestling you need to have measuring stick on a daily basis I weigh myself everyday.. I know it is tough when I know it isn't going to be good that day or whatever but it reminds you of where you are and where you are going and it also give you some feedback when you succeed.. It is a key for me.. When I am putting on the pounds I never weigh myself.. So after the holidays I jumped on the scale and it reminded hey fatass you are going to have to cut back you just put on a couple that night.. Anyway that is my two cents.. Holler if you need anything the bigs need to stay together..

Ok..
I need to take the whole thing a little farther so I am going to start posting my miles ran in here each day.. They are for me and me alone.. I have a goal of being able to run 10 miles in the near future but I need to start somewhere.. By the way it is so much easier running now.. I just need to stick with it.. I ran 3 miles nonstop Tuesday… My legs are killing me but I did it.. Soon I am going to time it.. I have a question for B.S. is speed important to conditioning.. Here is my question should I try and run 3 miles in thirty minutes first or when should I try for 4 or 5 for that matter.. What will condition me better,faster?

Have a great new year..
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Tis the Season

What a week.. It is so frustrating being so dumb but at least I am consistent.. Where do I start should I discuss my trip to San Francisco.. Should I describe the abomination at Lambeau field.. How about the Christmas holiday.. How about the Wolves mailing it in this season. Oh maybe I should talk about all the free agents the Twins have signed.. Oh ok lets talk about how well the Gopher basketball team is playing in the barn. How about my battle with food.. Tis the season I will ramble on them all or maybe some whatever spills out..

Travel for me requires a ton of planning first I have to have some dvd's prepped for use during the flight then pack a toothbrush and deodorant no blow drier required..(too easy). I usually try and pick a movie that isn't too wussy but not too violent either since there might be kid nearby or whatever.. The nice thing about going to the city by the gay is really you can be a fatrosexual and nobody is the wiser.. Now I didn't want to go over board and watch a "life is beautiful " movie and everybody wonder why the bald freak is whimpering and sobbing during the flight.. (It usually happens later when I watch the ruling class in front of me cutting there steaks while I am asked to purchased peanuts for 5 dollars.) So I decide on the family stone which was ok for a fatrosexual.. I would give it to 2 baldies for an easy rental.. Just a little note to all of the heavy fliers out there do not pay the premium price to sit in the exit row it is a huge mistake.. They might as well sell ad space to those rows "ladies and gentlemen the exit rows today will be sponsored by Lane Bryant".. The seats smell like cheap perfume talcum powder, preparation H and a hint of summers breeze.. Ok anyway I pushed my way to the back of the plane where I was hoping to have a seat next to some little grandma or a hottie on her way back to home.. Nope not heavyD that never happens I am seated in a three seat section with a couple and there 2 year old.. I breathed a sigh and decided this would be good test of my patience.. On a good note the feedbag of weight that I have lost really makes a difference on the plane, my knees didn't push up against the back of the seat in front of me.. (I must have been carrying a wee bit of back fat) Anyway the kid was great the entire trip.. But Dad with the fire Tats on his arm decided that it was ok to go on a four hour plane ride with nothing to do except stare at the acne on the side of Heavy's head.. Eventually I pulled out the mags I brought along and said would you like to read this so he would stop looking at me.. (i thought about beating him into coma but I held off) Good move now he thinks I am hitting on him ... it doesn't help that he sees me watching the family stone.. As he tries to avoid looking at me the rest of the trip I catalog this in my wee brain.. Hmm act gay on the plane and you will have plenty of personal space.. (Not a bad trade off)
Let me sum up the gay area.. The area and the people are the same they look good from the outside but most of it is fake.. The weather is great the ocean is beautiful the city was amazing it is just so crowded and the driving is insane.. I spent 45 minutes going 4 miles on the 101 I couldn't take it.. Give me the people in the Midwest real people not real good looking but at least they are real.. I hope the cold weather keeps the Californians out..

The Vikes
Short and sweet and sour oops sorry it is getting close to lunch.. The vikes are doing all the right moves from a front office perspective signing the guys they want to long term deals and getting rid of the questionable players.. (other than Fatkinney man he is playing poorly). The vikes need to get some freaks to make them a good team.. They need a freak for a pass rusher that puts pressure on without blizting..They need a wide reciever that can 1 can get open and 2 catch the damn ball.. We will have to go a year or two with the necklace clad youngster before they will be a decent team but we need a 1 receiver.. The game at green bay just highlights the point that they hammered in this young guy to not throw picks but really when you look at the game the receivers where just not getting open.. Now a lot of that goes to the horrible play calling but this is the worst receiving core we have had in the last two decades.. Green Bay-- good luck with that team.. Sure I would have liked to win that game but the way the Vikes or Green Bay is playing getting in the playoffs is going to just be ugly.. My off-season prediction is that the Childress will be getting an offensive coordinator in here.. He will be a good head coach but he is just too predictable to be a play caller..

Ok. I will save more to post tomorrow..
Only put on two lbs over the holiday.. Not bad..
Fatrosexual out..

Holiday Tradition

I thought I would change the whole feel of this blog and spin an old Christmas yarn..
I'm very scared for this world
I'm very scared for me
Eviscerate your memory
Here's a scene
You're in the back seat laying down
The windows wrap around
To sound of the travel and the engine
All you hear is time stand still in travel
And feel such peace and absolute
The stillness still that doesn't end
But slowly drifts into sleep
The stars are the greatest thing you've ever seen
And they're there for you
For you alone you are the everything
I think about this world a lot and I cry And I've seen the films and the eyes
But I'm in this kitchen
Everything is beautiful
And she is so beautiful
She is so young and old
I look at her and I see the beauty Of the light of music
The voices talking somewhere in the house
Late spring and you're drifting off to sleep
With your teeth in your mouth
You are here with me
You are here with me
You have been here and you are everything
Sometimes I feel like I can't even sing I'm very scared for this world
I'm very scared for me
Eviscerate your memory
Here's a sceneYou're in the back seat laying down
The windows wrap around
To sound of the travel and the engine
All you hear is time stand still in travel
And feel such peace and absolute
The stillness still that doesn't endBut slowly drifts into sleep
The greatest thing you've ever seen
And they're there for you
For you alone you are the everything
For you alone you are the everything

REM old school as solid as it gets.. I can never change this blog it would mean that I give this blog some thought.. No I will continue the same old crap.. I am really having a hard time blogging lately since I really have a hard time being angry about anything.. I have discovered the root of a lot of my anger comes when I am at my heaviest my whole body just aches.. I still have a ton of weight to lose but honestly when you are not in constant pain it helps out the mood a bit.. Anyway back to the same old same old..

We are having family over for the Christmas get together with my wife's side of the family.. Every year my wife asks me if we can host the party of 30 people or so.. I say no and she usually ignores me and has the even anyway.. The reason I do this is when we have people over for a large event like this it means that effectively you have killed Christmas for our house.. This is how the week before the event plays out it is just like clockwork. So my wife comes up with x number of presents that need to be purchased before the party.. (She buys 95% of them) She then comes up with a list of the 150 or so items that need to be completed around the house before it is presentable.. (She has to complete 90% of them) there is not a chance that 10% of these items can be accomplished but I play a long and ask what I can do other than stay out of her way.. 4-5 days from the storm the boys and I are being pummeled with requests from my wife to complete the 5 tasks that we have been assigned we of course are trying to find ways to avoid doing those tasks since it will mean that we will have to do more when they are finished.. Eventually my wife realizes that she will not be able to rip up the carpet and lay down wood floors before the guests arrive.. She notices that I have not completed my assigned tasks in fact I am actually enjoying the holiday season and playing the WII with the kids and that is more than she can take.. She blows up right on queue.. The kids are lucky enough to be able to go to bed early but I have to take my well deserved holiday verbal beating.. At this point it kind of part of the ritual so I am not sure if just out of tradition I am being more lazy than usual so that the beating will come quicker or if I just enjoy it once a year like oyster stew… So as I spackled and painted the kids bathroom upstairs that no one will see I go back down stairs and I apologize for being a piece of crap and she apologizes for getting so edgy and I give her a hug.. In the background I see the huge water stain in the kitchen ceiling from the shower above it has rendered the shower unusable for the last 6 months.. I don't tell my wife there is a pretty good chance the hot water heater is going to fail in the next few days. I know we will have 2-3 of this episodes before the party on Saturday but after while it sort of feels good like we at least have a holiday tradition.. Next year I am going to say NO to this party but we will do it anyway after all it is tradition..



Say No to AI
The original G-- The old school Gangster--- No not now not ever.. AI when he is on the court might be the best per lb player I have seen.. But this guy brought the NBA game to what it is today.. He is a gang banger… He is a thug.. He is uncoachable.. It is one thing to be a joke of basketball operation but operate with some class is something that should be doable.. It just doesn't make any sense we have one big that shoots from 20 feet and we are going to hemorrhage the whole organization to sign a guy who is going to spit in your face before the year is done.. The only way I would do this trade would be to flat cut him and get him out of the NBA and get Thud off of this team.. I would also make a poison pill clause that we would not take AI contract unless Kevin McHale is traded to the Sixers as well.. It would be more of a loaner we would give them McHale for 2 seasons.. I think with what he has learned with the wolves it would only take him 2 years to kill that franchise and leave them with no hope in sight for the next decade.. We could then take him back and have him work with our big guys.. I am going to rant here.. I hated Mcfail as a player but he was one of the best low post players ever to play… Why then as he never developed a low post player here.. He has not drafted or developed one.. I need to stop the anger is coming..


Vikes Rant Tommorow..
Why are we even discussing the playoffs..

239----OUT

PHAT CLEM HASKINS

Good to hear from you JLO.. I get the same jabs as you from various sources.. With the typical you carry your weight well( for fat ass) .. Snicker Snicker.. You have a nice shaped head.. Well what would I do if you said it was a horribly misshapen cranium you can't style bald any different it is what it is.. The only thing that bothers me when HOW does it is the source.. He is a marathon runner and he still looks like a beer drinking Bubba NASCAR Fan.. I don't know what he eats but he manages to be in great shape but looks like one of us.. Anyway no need to rip on HOW anymore it is much to easy.. I hate crowds (people for that matter) so I don't think going on a cruise is good for the big heavy.. I did some research on the banding with your svelte bro for a family member of mine and it really appears to be a safe technique for someone to control eating and still have full digestive function. As I have been struggling with weight loss over the last few months I truly understand a true addiction. It just sucks since the weight kept me from working out and so then I would get frustrated with the lack of weight loss so I would turn to a cheeseburger for comfort which in turn would make it even tougher to work out.. Hence the torn Hamstring the torn veal.. I am old and fat so I had to find something very simple for me so that I could feel like I was getting somewhere.. Hence the 10,000 step death march each day and the simple rule of note eating after 7:00.. All that being said I will always continue to struggle with my true love.. I rip on myself on this blog but all joking aside trying to eat healthy and control eating is the toughest thing I have ever had to do.. I try not to judge anyone for any technique they are trying if it works for them then do it.. I say this since I danced close to the 3 bill bear for sometime and I can tell you that my body actually hurt.. I am trying to not go on and on but man when you carry weight you can't just go start working out.. Your feet,ankles back everything just start failing under the pressure.. Again the vicious circle because when you try cutting back without being more active you don't burn anything and your body won't allow you to loose weight.. I know this is boring but hey it's me and JLO/HOW hit a nerve for me.. So anyway when I talk about my weight in here it is not to do anything more than hold my self accountable for my actions.. I would not recommend it but it is working so far..

Rockheads
Keeping the kids from being boneheads like there father is a difficult task but with my wife's help I hope they will be a little better rounded.. Not round and bald like me but more on the whole life gig.. So since my kids idolize IJ's kid this is a simple task for me.. (I will explain further) IJ family will call them the family VonTrap for this blog since IJ has been known to have his children sing to my cave children.. Well to make a fat story thin, the Vontrap daughter had a choir concert that she was singing in and my kids told us they would love to go where people made that funny sound come out of there mouth.. Well we all had a great time and from what I could tell from my underdeveloped brain and ear could discern the choir was great as well as the smiling Vontrap daughter.. This was yet another occasion where I didn't fit in.. So as the light danced of my protuberance the big heavy's brain was in overdrive examining each person and telling there life stories to me as I tried to distract my self I picked out Horace.. Horace was the only Male Bell player in the Bell band that played between the intermission between the two choirs.. First of all where does person go to play with other Bell players when he is 33 years old .. . Anyway as Horace was clutching the bell to his chest in the rhythm of the music I had to wonder what brought him to this point.. His mom Marge always wanted Horace to be well rounded so she didn't feel guilty by dressing him up in his brown cords and stripped shirt and keds shoes and sending him to his fourth religion class that week at church.. Well it turned out Horace was skipping out ever third day and buying candy at church to give to Brian in the hope that he would stop pulling the short hairs on his neck during choir practice.. Well Marge found out that Horace was skipping church so she signed him up for the bell band as well.. Well fast forward 20 years and 4 different color chords later Horace is still at the same church clutching the same bell he did now .. And Marge wonders why Horace is not showing any interest in girls yet.. IT IS PAINFUL TO BE ME.. AS WELL AS READ TO READ THAT.. IM SORRY for that.. (No I like to share the pain)
My son C says to me as we leave the church.. Dad how come you don't play any instruments Son your dad is a caveman don't be like me.. (By the way you don't have to wear chords to pioneer club at church)


Coaching
I have played a lot of sports poorly but at least I played a lot of them in high school.. The only sport that I still play on a regular basis (not since the veal incident) is hoops.. And to be real honest it is a close second to Football in sports that I watch on a regular basis. It is all sort of ironic that I get asked to coach my son's basketball team. I have never played it in an organized fashion at all I don't know any drills or games or anything other than see ball get ball.. (FT can attest to that) So my wife has been bugging me to volunteer my time to coach or whatever so I take this on to make here happy and I really love the game and I hope I can have some fun with it.. Well the fun got sucked out the first day.. The call me two days before the first clinic for the kids and they tell me we will be announcing the teams and the high school players will be taking the kids through a few drills.. Good I can learn something.. No not true.. The high school kid stands around for ten minutes and then leaves me with my team.. The league president says you have an hour and 40 minutes to work with your kids.. Oh by the way all of the parents will be sitting two feet from the court listening to every bit of crap I can come up with to kill 1:40 minutes.. Well short of them to doing the three-man bear wave I don't know what to do.. I could go on but I will tell you this It is hard to pretend you know anything about basketball.. It was the longest hour and half of my life.. Needless to say I am spending my free time coming up with drills and plays so that I can stay ahead of these kids.. I do like it but the kids keep wondering why I can't make a jump shot.. I tell them I am only doing that so that I can be like Ricky Davis so that I get closer to triple double.. No one gets it.. So fast forward to our first real practice I have a plan for every ten minutes of that practice and the kids have a great time learning the basics of basketball.. I had a great time but as I am leaving one of my good kids says hey coach that was fun but when are we learning some plays.. I wanted to tell him that I don't know any plays and I shouldn't be out here with you guys.. Oh that will be covered in our next practice….


SlingBox
I can bore you guys with this new device I have but if no one cares I will keep it out..
I will blog as the holiday season approaches so does the anger..

WHY THE RAGE

Why so lazy.. Why no posts.. Why so heavy.. I think I have stated this in the past but I do not know how to deal with things when they are going well.. But I will give this a shot and try to create a somewhat interesting post.. (No I won't I don't want to change the format of this blog) Does anyone have the rage that I have within me even when I am doing something that I enjoy.. Well here is a typical event for me.. I am outside on a beautiful fall day cutting firewood and hauling the split wood out of the woods behind my house.. I don't know why but this is just completely relaxing for me.. My kids are playing football in the front yard my wife is complaining about me not helping with hanging the lights on the trees and really all is right with the world. So I am driving my john Deere through the woods and I am being careful not drive over any small stumps and puncture the tires so I am looking back so I don't notice the horse whip tree in front of me which when I push through let's go from the front of the tractor and whips me across my face and it stings pretty bad but I am in just so happy that I shrug it off but it gets the blood percolating a little.
So on my way back you would think I would remember that the stinging in my face was caused by the tree in my path but being the genius that I am I look at the nice fire that my son has started and how proud I am that I have created another pyromaniac I am looking at him or the fire I am not sure but I am struck by the same tree in exactly the same spot.. BOOOM the rage comes out of me.. I can seriously see spots when I get this mad I yell out you dirty HUUUEERR (more on that later) and I leap off my seat and I grab the tree and I start yanking and pulling and kicking and in general flailing around like a crazed idiot trying to quench my anger by tearing this tree out by its roots.. This is gets a little gross here but as usual I don't care but please skip if you are eating something 1.25 this will be hard for you.. I feel like I am herniating my self as I give it everything I have but I am starting to imagine the hemi's I am going to have that evening and I lunge for my chainsaw (Which is not spitting Gas Sorry 1.25) and I cut this SOB out of the ground and carry it over to the fire.. As I stand there panting like a bald gorilla watching his first kill I see my Son has witnessed this whole event and has decided that I am dumber than he had originally thought.. So to break the uncomfortable silence he says "dad what is a HUUUEERR" I am not sure what to say but I really can't tell him what it really is or means so I just say oh it is something guys say when they are angry and just so it doesn't get any more uncomfortable I tell him he should go play.. As he is running away he decides to kick a similar looking tree in the woods I would tell him it was a dumb move but I really don't have much credibility at this point..
Stranger Than Fiction
What an interesting film.. This is not a Will Farrell movie at all which you have to get used to at first.. The film was just done right.. It is a tough storyline to pulloff but it was really well done. This movie is not going to wow anyone with great dialogue or having you laughing out loud but it was just interesting. I am sure this film will mean different things to different people but for me it was about going how your life is story and you can make it anything you want it to be.. Don't be caught in the same endless circle of doing the same things everyday It is your life make it fun.. Ok that was cheesy but I have been thinking about the movie for a couple days after I saw it so that for me scores high on the baldies scale.. I am going to give it 3.25 baldies out of 4..


WII
What is gaming supposed to be about.. (An endless waste of time) No I mean it is supposed to be about relaxing and having fun… Well the WII has not disappointed whatsoever.. The game play is as advertised you can play gaming in less than a minute.. You really only use 1 button for most of the sports games it is just so natural to play.. I had a neighbor lady and her daughter who had never played a video game console playing tennis against each other in less than 30 seconds.. My wife has played with my kids and you can't get the kids to stop laughing as they play it.. Are the graphics unreal NO is the sound unreal NO but it is not what this game is about it is about my 5 year old playing tennis against his dad and not having to remember to hit X yellow button Y left trigger right joystick down for a jump serve.. You swing the controller like a tennis racquet and you are playing tennis.. They are just scratching the surface of what this type of game play can do and I am excited to see what will be next.. I will never compare this to XBOX 360 or PS3 which I am sure are incredible systems for gamers but I am betting that none of these games will bring new people into the gaming market.. Or better yet as IJ has learned allowed a grandfather 3 hours of gameplay with his grandchildren..
Weight
Not bad 3 lbs gained over the holiday but I am continuing the 10,000 steps to death march everyday..

Vikings
They beat Denny Green.. Wow that was a tough team.. I am looking forward to the Bears game I think they have a shot.. Well any team has a shot at beating the bears if Rex is taking snaps..

HeavyWII
Out

WHY SO MUCH RAGE

Why so lazy.. Why no posts.. Why so heavy.. I think I have stated this in the past but I do not know how to deal with things when they are going well.. But I will give this a shot and try to create a somewhat interesting post.. (No I won't I don't want to change the format of this blog)  Does anyone have the rage that I have within me even when I am doing something that I enjoy.. Well here is a typical event for me.. I am outside on a beautiful fall day cutting firewood and hauling the split wood out of the woods behind my house.. I don't know why but this is just completely relaxing for me.. My kids are playing football in the front yard my wife is complaining about me not helping with hanging the lights on the trees and really all is right with the world. So I am driving my john Deere through the woods and I am being careful not drive over any small stumps and puncture the tires so I am looking back so I don't notice the horse whip tree in front of me which when I push through let's go from the front of the tractor and whips me across my face and it stings pretty bad but I am in just so happy that I shrug it off but it gets the blood percolating a little.

So on my way back you would think I would remember that the stinging in my face was caused by the tree in my path but being the genius that I am I look at the nice fire that my son has started and how proud I am that I have created another pyromaniac I am looking at him or the fire I am not sure but I am struck by the same tree in exactly the same spot..  BOOOM the rage comes out of me.. I can seriously see spots when I get this mad I yell out you dirty HUUUEERR (more on that later) and I leap off my seat and I grab the tree and I start yanking and pulling and kicking and in general flailing around like a crazed idiot trying to quench my anger by tearing this tree out by its roots.. This is gets a little gross here but as usual I don't care but please skip if you are eating something 1.25 this will be hard for you.. I feel like I am herniating my self as I give it everything I have but I am starting to imagine the hemi's I am going to have that evening and I lunge for my chainsaw (Which is not spitting Gas Sorry 1.25) and I cut this SOB out of the ground and carry it over to the fire.. As I stand there panting like a bald gorilla watching his first kill I see my Son has witnessed this whole event and has decided that I am dumber than he had originally thought.. So to break the uncomfortable silence he says "dad what is a HUUUEERR"  I am not sure what to say but I really can't tell him what it really is or means so I just say oh it is something guys say when they are angry and just so it doesn't get any more uncomfortable I tell him he should go play.. As he is running away he decides to kick a similar looking tree in the woods  I would tell him it was a dumb move but I really don't have much credibility at this point..

Stranger Than Fiction
What an interesting film.. This is not a Will Farrell movie at all which you have to get used to at first.. The film was just done right.. It is a tough storyline to pulloff but it was really well done. This movie is not going to wow anyone with great dialogue or having you laughing out loud but it was just interesting.  I am sure this film will mean different things to different people but for me it was about going how your life is story and you can make it anything you want it to be.. Don't be caught in the same endless circle of doing the same things everyday It is your life make it fun.. Ok that was cheesy but I have been thinking about the movie for a couple days after I saw it so that for me scores high on the baldies scale..  I am going to give it 3.25 baldies out of 4..

WII
What is gaming supposed to be about.. (An endless waste of time) No I mean it is supposed to be about relaxing and having fun… Well the WII has not disappointed whatsoever.. The game play is as advertised you can play gaming in less than a minute.. You really only use 1 button for most of the sports games it is just so natural to play.. I had a neighbor lady and her daughter who had never played a video game console playing tennis against each other in less than 30 seconds..  My wife has played with my kids and you can't get the kids to stop laughing as they play it.. Are the graphics unreal NO is the sound unreal NO but it is not what this game is about it is about my 5 year old playing tennis against his dad and not having to remember to hit X yellow button Y left trigger right joystick down for a jump serve.. You swing the controller like a tennis racquet and you are playing tennis..   They are just scratching the surface of what this type of game play can do and I am excited to see what will be next..  I will never compare this to XBOX 360 or PS3 which I am sure are incredible systems for gamers but I am betting that none of these games will bring new people into the gaming market.. Or better yet as IJ has learned allowed a grandfather 3 hours of gameplay with his grandchildren..

Weight
Not bad 3 lbs gained over the holiday but I am continuing the 10,000 steps to death march everyday..  

Vikings
They beat Denny Green.. Wow that was a tough team.. I am looking forward to the Bears game I think they have a shot.. Well any team has a shot at beating the bears if Rex is taking snaps..  

HeavyWII

Out

Disturbing Lunch Conversation

Again I am not going to make this blog political unless I think it is funny.. But this was too good to be true.. I was telling FT and Nuclear Mark (I will introduce him at a later time) about having my son C in the tree with me this weekend hunting deer.. I might bore you with all the details as I did these two fellow idiots I work with but I will cut to the chase.. So FT being the one who always interrupts my horrible long stories with another uninteresting story.. Says hey did you read that article about the guy who was arrested for sexually assaulting a deer carcass on the side of the road. Yeah NuclearM responds with his usual pithiness and says that the point of law really comes down to temperature since the man was arguing that it was not considered a living being since it simply a dead carcass and NuclearM wants to points out that it really comes down to at what point the animal changes from living to dead is really based on the temperature at the time of consummation. If this conversation couldn't get any worse FT throws this out there.. And I am going to tell it the way I heard it because I was so shocked I can't remember how he even made this jump in the conversation.. FT says you see this is just like what Michelle Bachman and those people are fighting against same sex marriage.. "It is all about tolerating and abnormal act" I am as lost as you are all reading this.. FT has made the statement that if we tolerate same sex marriage it is the beginning of the end of morality.. That people humping dead on the side of the road will become tolerated.. People will demand that they be allowed to marry there animals (Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you Sam and his horse Samson, you can now kiss the horse).. He is serious Nuclear Mark is falling out of his chair.. He screams out are you serious are you insane how can you make the leap from having sex with a dead carcass or animal (Based on Temperature) on the side of the road to the fight against homosexuals.. I normally wouldn't care but I said I think that is was also acceptable back in the days of the roman empire for the Romans to have same sex relationships.. FT fires back and says that was the fall of the Roman empire rampant homosexuality and the failure to have a unified dialect..

I still can't stop thinking about it.. I guess you had to be there but it had me gasping for air like when I climb a flight of stairs.. It reminded me of the days at WHS at the home of J's where conversations where brought up simply to incite arguments.. The only difference in this case is FT was serious.. We actually broke into the religious aspects of this argument which bores me to tears since it is all about interpretation of religious beliefs so I will keep it out of the blog..

Vikings
I should just cut and paste what I have said over the last few weeks.. No Playmakers horrible offensive scheme.. They are killing my enjoyment of watching football on sundays.

Timberwolves.
Casey is not a coach.. McFail is not a GM.. KG is not a leader.. Clear it out and start fresh.. I would start going with a lineup that features more than one guy over six foot seven..

Weight..
Not bad for a weekend of eating out.. Just trying to maintain over Fatsgiving..

WII
More on this later.. Life is good for HeavyD

HeavyWII out

Tpup Game

So I was asked to go to a twolves game with the new group I am joining in January. So I am trying to give these people a completely unbiased opinion of myself. I am trying not to talk over people.. (That lasted about 5 minutes) I waited for everyone to order last night so that I would not be the first one to order the left side of a cow for an appetizer.. I waited until they all ordered and decided to go with a burger and solid Ale.. (We are at the Fatbottom Brewery nothing great just really solid). The beer was incredibly tasty and I was nervous which is a bad combo for the big heavy so I had to ease off on the Fat Pedal..  (I started to picture the Bald Dancing bear shaking my arse to Tone Loc as a means to hold me back from order another beverage.)  So I inhaled my burger and asked the waitress to take away the fries so that I wouldn't lick the plate and we headed over to the game.. One more thing how do normal people not eat everything they ordered.. They kept saying how good everything was on their plate but then they would eat like half of it.. It was all I could do not to reach across the table and grab it.. Easy heavy it is not hard to tell why you where a QPC from a 3 large.. By the way doesn't a QPC sound good right now.. For all you thin people out there the oxygen  that fires my fat engine is a McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese…  Ok I am getting off track now.. The cheese just melts perfectly over that processed fauxmeat why do I crave it so.. So we made it to the game and since we had this great company tickets we where able to go directly to courtside as we watched the peasants meander their way like sheep up the escalators into the seats hoping they won't get tossed into to face the Lions like the other Christians before.. (Sorry for that it doesn't make sense but it is what it is ) 

I kept thinking as we nestled ourselves in our seats amongst the local celebrities and other millionaires that somehow I was just like them. We are all just people.. Sure my pants where bought at gander mountain on the clearance rack for $17.99 they where no different than $150 designer stressed jeans in front me..  Sure I was the only man without hair or synthetic hair near me but hey I was just like them I am sure all of them where wearing the liner from their  winter jacket as a fall fashion. No the big heavy never fits in I am always uncomfortable.. Kinda like when you have a beer and burger and cannot release some of the air from the pressure in your stomach since you are around people.. Ok enough said I didn't make a complete fool of myself and I had a great time watching the game.. I am just jealous that I will never be able to sit where I sat for this game ever again..

Tpups.
Up Close and Personal.. No one is listening to Casey.. Mike James and Casey are constantly fighting I mean they are not on the same page at all. The entire bench is sulking.. I really think the Eddie "Master" Griffith could be a solid player but he is not coachable right now.. They would be better off if he was not near this team.. The wolves can't get any rebounds other than the rookie.. He looks really small in person I thought he was supposed to be pretty thick.. Welll consider the source there.. KG is very dirk like now.. His defense is flashy with blocking shots and all but he really is getting beat on a regular basis buy every good post up player out there.. Case in point Zach Randolf was never guarded by KG he would have ate him alive.. This is a team that is very deep with mediocre talent that lacks any direction as team and as an organization.. Unless they move some guys out and go younger this team might get better but they are going nowhere…

ROUND OUT

I hate it

I hate being a fan of the vikings but I can't help it.. I waste beautiful fall days trapped in my house watching a team constantly disappointing me.  I will never stop being a fan but it is getting more and more difficult to watch.. So I was as wrong as the vikings where about how to build a team of football.. I have always thought if I was a going to build a team I would get great offensive line and great defensive lineman you could just fill in the rest of the team with mediocre talent.. Well either the vikings have less than mediocre talent on the offense or a horrible offensive play caller you cannot score points with this team.. I am not one to get all over the staff about being creative and imaginative but Childress is lost calling plays.. Sure we can say that Johnson can't  throw the ball harder than 3 yds down field  or not but I was at the game Friday and there only 9 basic routes that a receiver can run and I will tell you the Vikings receivers are either poorly coached or the routes they run by formation are so predictable that the corners have a great idea which route they are running.  The skilled players are not getting any better each week.. That is a sign of poor coaching and poor schemes.. Brad Johnson is only going to get worse as time passes. I would vote to start playing Tjack a series a half or so to get his feet wet and give the team something to have to defend against.. Childress should turn the play calling over to someone else he is lost.. It would also give me a reason to watch it is tough to watch right now.. This team is going to implode if something doesn't get changed on offense.. Marcus Johnsnon is never going to be a tackle in the NFL.. Art Hicks has proven he is not a starter in this league.. Matt Birk is washed up..  Hutchinson is just a solid guard that’s it nothing more so yes we overpaid on an offensive player that is not making this better Fatkinney has no heart no leadership and just out there hoping not to get hurt..  It must kill Childress to discover that after waiting all this time to call his own plays that he is not good at it he doesn't have it.. I think he can be a solid NFL head coach  and I agree with his leadership style but he needs to give up play calling and start working on lighting a far in those offensive lineman they are not dominating at all and are giving up sacks against horrible defensive units..

Random Thoughts
FT bloody maries is good as it gets.. The ham was great until we smoked it up with charcoal but hey we gave it shot.. It is nice to know that there are dumber fans than the vikings the packer fans are just pathetic.. They kept saying we are beating you in your house please stop I just hate being grouped with these people.. I love cigars but I am still tasting them today..  I couldn't take this rube behind me so I called him a dueshbag but he looked at me squeezed in between my two porcine friends and didn't feel to add anything other than to laugh at how pathetic we looked..  I didn't eat anything past 12:00 yesterday to account for the 6,000 calories I drank and ate before then..

Twolves..
This roster is 10 deep.. They are all angry that they are not getting enough playing time because they are as good as the guy playing in front of them perhaps that’s because they are all crap and it makes no difference who plays they are all equally crappy.. KG has either lost a step or is trying to do to much.. He is a defensive liability right now.. Howard from what I read just ate him alive.. The comments where all about his low post moves and his ability to create close to the basket.. Know when I say this I was not a big fan of Kevin McHale when he played for the gophers or for Boston but I have to give him respect for having one of the best low post games ever.. But either KG is the most uncoachable player ever or McFail has never really been able to impart this to anyone but we have never had a low post scorer on this team ever.. I hate to say this but KG is going to be a lot like Moss when you rely so much on your athletic ability there is a huge drop off when you lose any of it..Moss ran poor routes so when he gets slower he can never get open anymore.. As KG slows down he can't jump over people and shoot he has to work at it which wears him out.. This is what Casey should be saying.. Keep the young guys wolves and flat cut the players who are only getting worse TDUD you should not get playing time you’re a terrible basketball player.. Mark Blount if you shoot and your feet aren't in the paint I am not going to play you a minute more..   Eddie griffin invest in some drug that gives you some energy you can't play high and half a sleep it is not going to help.. Garnett don't try to do  everything we are going to play you 30-35 minutes a game to try and prolong your career don't wine but try and teach this team how to play harder.. Ricky Davis is done we have seen what he can do and it is just not getting it done he is lethargic I can't stand to watch him.. I would not let Ricky Davis see the floor if he let’s anyone drive by him  he stand 5 feet away at pretends to jump at them when they shoot.. That’s enough anger today..

BALD ROUND OUT

Misc Junk

Book
"Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" Jonathan Safran Foer I did not want to finish this book. I knew the ending I just wanted to have this story last as long as possible.. It is an emotional read for anyone who is lost someone close to them.  This book streams out his consciousness so brilliantly that it is difficult to imagine someone as bright as this is.. The book is like 100 dollars (inside reference).  I hope all of you will read this at some point so I can use the phrase heavy boots and have you understand it.. Enough gushing this book saddens me when I think about it but makes me appreciate what I have today.. 4 baldies out of 4

Weight.
I finally did it I am 249.5 this morning.. The death March continues at 10,000 steps at a time but it works.. The Veal is still very painful.

TV thoughts
The office is getting back on its legs again I thought the office closing last night was rock solid.. Lost is really pissing me off they are not going to show new shows until Feb.. Heroes has got me I love this show my kids tell me every morning Save the Cheerleader Save the World.. They may not be able to do math or arithmetic but they can all remember a good hook line..

Music
Beck is on the Pod today.. I love his mellow stuff..

NBA junk
SW sent me an article about Bynum from the lakers being traded for the ticket.. I would say that is insane but look what we traded Wally for..

Ohh forget Rashad Mcants.. Having seen how good Amare looks after two years Rashad might never be able to play the 2 again in his life.. Amare looks like he is 36 even though he is 24.. Speaking of the Suns have you seen Boris Diaw he has put on 60 lbs easy he looks horrible..

I love fantasy hoops.. (I am winning its early ..)

Vikings
I am going to the game which scares me since I think the Vikings have jumped the shark this year and everyone knows it.. They have no talent on offense.. You can't throw the ball when there are 11 defensive players with a yard of the line of scrimmage.. If the receivers can't get open and can't catch send the TE deep and throw it ou there it is better than watching kickers trade punts and field goals.. Ok my prediction.. I predict I will eat great food and drink before the game and I believe the vikings will bore the packers into submission.. 17-6 vikings.

Chuck--Heavy Boots Skip this section.
I will make this short but I feel better when I get this out of me.. So last night I am getting my hunting gear together for the Wisconsin opener.. So when Chuck died I pretty much got all of his hunting clothes since we pretty much the same size.. It is tough for me to even talk about hunting since with Chuck's busy schedule we never got to hang out like we use to so when the fall came I would look forward to "hunting" together. We would spend a couple hours driving in Chuck's vehicle discussing everything we had going on our lives.. With frequent stops on the fast food restaurants along the way.. If I could smell cheap cigs and whoppers it would take me there right now.. Well enough already last night I picked up one of Chuck's Old Crusty coats he always wore to just look at it and smell it in some twisted way it would take me back just for a little while.. I put on the coat.. Chuck had a 15lb shadow towards the end which made me laugh out loud.. Then my boots got heavy when I reached into the pocket and felt the candy he had planned to eat while he was "quietly" sitting in the woods.. Life can be taken away in the blink of an eye you never know when.. I dropped to the floor in my basement and laid there for awhile in a pool of sadness and memories.. Before I crawled into the fetal position and slept in a pool of tears, urine and blood (that was for you m5).  I put the candy back in the pocket and will visit the clothes again next year.. I miss you brother..

LARGE AND NOT IN CHARGE
JLO "Thinking about your family the last few days..  I am with you big fella Holler if you need me"

Freshen It Up Music Time

So no sports today ok maybe a little but BS and IJ had a good topic for the blog today.. I know you will miss my commenting on my weight,head and overall shartiness but I will give it a shot.. It just so happens that I am torturing myself with trying to get through entire catalog that I have on my pod..  I am just finishing "What’s going on" The Allstar Tribute.. Well the idea is to come up with your top 10 songs from the 80's.. This is not easy since I have the memory of a nat and a butt the size of a Buick (how is the relevant heavy it isn't I just needed perspective)

So I have not asked IJ permession so I will put his prelim top out here to get the insults flying.. IJ please revise your list in the comments section

1. Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
2. Faithfully - Journey
3. Bastards of Young - The Replacements
4. When Doves Cry - Prince
5. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
6. This Time - INXS
7. With or Without You - U2
8. Tainted Love - Soft Cell
9. Heaven - Bryan Adams
10. Crazy for You - Madonna
I never want to judge (wait a minute) but it appears that IJ is not afraid to declare his out right Karma chameleoness.. Wait a minute I like Man George he doesn't wear skirts anymore wait a minute I believe he is again.. JLO please restrict yourself to a minumium of Huey and BlowChuncks or whatever he called his band. Please take your time to release your inner mullet.. Maybe we could break this into categories I would like to hear everybody's take.. FT has little to no taste so keep your boring instrumentals out of here..   I would like to hear from the younger J lad from Morris if possible.. If anyone can get your wife to give you her top 5 at least from the eighties I would love to rip it apart.. I will have work on mine but all I need to get through all of the Ann Murray material before I can get my list out there.. My head is spinning if I just look at the bands Duran Duran Bon Jovi El Debarge the Cure Talking Heads The Boss J Geils Band help I think I am going to be sick.. M5 your homo dance mix will not be allowed in this list.. DenverJ please keep your Hair Band refs to a minumum..Before you Post BS yeah we know you like Bruce but try and freshen it up a little.. Don't get all high and mighty and go for the classics or whatver go for the crap that you really liked back in the day.. I think admitting you like tainted love by soft Cell really is what we are getting at.. I am thinking Dan hartman I can dream about you will make my list but I am not sure that is light enough for me.

Tpups
Please play Foye..
Please post comments
10,000 steps aday still that is tough..

Heat of the Moment Asia that is pretty good..

Don't hate the music hate the hair.. HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVYD

Elite

Hmm Well the truth is out there.. The Vikings have the worst offense in the NFL.. There is nothing really to say about them they have linemen who can't block receivers who can't receive and a quarterback that can't throw.. I still like Childress as a head coach but he is not an offensive coordinator/play caller. It is tough when you have an offense that relies on having players that get open which our receivers can't and a quarterback who can't throw it there with enough velocity(I looked that up it means really fast). It is no excuse for dropping the ball but there is a difference when a QB zips the ball in there and you catch it in rhythm and turn up field sort of like when you are thinking fastball and someone throws a change you get a head of yourself or think too much before the ball arrives.. I am sick of looking forward to these games and watching them struggle to do anything on offense. I have some real positives though Matt Birk's contract runs out this year.. He should retire he has lost a ton on his lower body mobility he has gone from great to really poor this season. Brad Johnson is a great guy but this is his last year with the team he will be 39 and we don't have to pay him anything.. The bad news is we are stuck with FatKinney he just doesn't do anything for that team he is not a dominant linemen. I hope that Childress learns from his mistakes and starts getting input from other coaches on calling plays.. He is lost calling plays this is the first year he has ever called plays for an NFL team and he looks like it.. He is too rigid and will fail unless something changes on the personnel side of this team he does not have any playmakers on the entire team. I need to vent some on drafting for a minute.. Why in the first round do we always fall in love with BIG FAST guys it doesn't work you need to draft guys that are proven talented players not guys that run a 4.2.. A perfect example is 1.25, he can waddle a 4.5 40 on his way after a Monster Thick Burger but that doesn't mean he catch a pass in a game situation. The vikes have wasted the last two 1 draft choices on potential athletes and not proven players.. I am being fatalistic when it comes to the vikes but we have seen what this entire group of "receivers/downfield blockers" can do over the past two years and to be honest they could cut the whole lot of them and be better off. Maybe a great would make them better but if I can't catch a guy can't catch. A perfect example is Chris Carter I am betting toward the end of his career he could maybe run a 4.7 40 but he could get open by running routes and pushing off but he got open and when the ball was in the air you never ever thought that the ball would be dropped.. Yuck I feel like a packer fan trying to go back in time.. I am not in favor of playing the rookie when the offense as whole is playing this bad you are going to destroy his confidence and then we are left with brooks or whatever that goof balls name is.. I say you play it out with Brad and hope they can improve some of our young guys.. Why did we draft the one knee guy from Iowa man that was a mistake.. I am going to the packer game on Sunday in hopes that we can kick more than one field goal in a game and beat a team with less talent than the vikings.. That was 70 bucks well spent… Wait a minute I haven't paid 1.25 yet I should make a deal that I will give him 25 bucks for ever touchdown our offense scores.. Or maybe he pays me 25 dollars for every drop by Tdrop Williamson.. Just a side note on how delusional these guys are he said in the paper that he needs to work on catching so he can become an Elite Receiver.. That is like me saying that I need to work on my jumper so that I can be elite player in the NBA.. I need to eat a salad at lunch so that I can be considered a waif.. I need to get better looking so that I heavyD I won't look like an Ork.. It is just not going to happen quit playing Madden and dreaming I would get Joey Browner out of retirement load up a throwing machine with balls and have that guy try catch balls in front of joey and tell browner you will get him a $100 dollars toward his facelift and nose job for every time Tdrop drops the ball.. My bet is Browner will look like Darren sharper by week end.. It is over you can't catch you don't see the field.. Brad if you can't throw a pass harder than a nine year old and you have the mobility of Joe Paterno you are not going to play.. I am going to blog more on this later.. Just some observations have you heard Chester speak.. I am not sure if he is light or is doing a poor imitation of Mike Tyson.. Just funny this guy is worth every penny he plays every down as tough as any running back I have ever seen.. Get over your self football moment I am listening to Childress getting interviewed and he says something close to this.. Well the genesis of that idea came from blah blah.. And the next sentence when referring to what he thinks of another coach he says. Well you have to look at his body of work.. Are you kidding me how about you shut your pretentious pie hole and start telling guys to catch block and throw or I am going to have a surmise a way for you to watch from the sidelines on Sunday..

Football is simple the defense has got it right get out there and hit somebody takes some chances but at the end of the day make some football plays.. This is not Rocket Science.. Easy Sir Eats a Lot..

NBA Please skip
Hey I rose up from the ashes to make this week's phatto in mono contest close but I lost by one category.. I just need to put up some solid number and I will drop him like franchise is dropping dimes.. That is lame sorry for that..

The twolves pulled a Ray Allen in the draft last year.. They gave away a starter for a guy that is to dumb to play either that or we have a coach this out of his mind.. Get that guy out there play man to man and lets get this team better If I see Tdud getting more minutes I am going to vomit.. I am kinda pumped about the wolves 2nd rounder he is like a poor mans John Thomas wait a minute that is nice it just makes me angry to see all the guys we have wasted picks on in the second round because they thought they where not tall enough even though the guy played great in college.. The wolves have a chance in this horrible conf to be pretty good… I have to positive it is long season ahead and I am getting so angry at the vikings that I can't even post out here without sounding dumb well without sounding really dumb.. Wait a minute I am just dumb get over it..

Weight (IJ please skip..)
It was hard not eating all the crap at the hunting shack but I did good I only put on 3 lbs so I am going to work hard to take that off.. I saw all this stomach banding infomercials this weekend.. Why can't they just give me something that feeds the rage.. Anyway.. I will post my weight at weekend I am hoping it starts with 24x something..

If you saw Borat give me a review..

I am big bald and ugly that’s it I am out..

Not as Angry

When the vikes used to lose like that I would get pretty angry.. We simply don't have the experience or talent to deal with a coach and quarterback of that quality.. I think we learned a lot about this team.. That being said I hope they can bounce back this week against SF.. I hope they don't get in any 5 receiver sets..

Quick Prediction Vikes 23 SF 17.. Brad Johnson gets hurt.

Fantasy Basketball / Wolves
Please skip
I watched the wolves last night.. I would trade thud for a pair of starburys 15 dollar shoes.. He is not change one bit he has no ankles no idea of what is within the flow of the offense and he couldn't defend me off the dribble.. I have said this in the past but it really showed last night.. Marko is very good coming of the bench maybe it is because he gets Ricky Davis off the floor.. I am not one to talk but Ricky should lose 10 lbs or so he just looks slow and uninterested in playing offense or defense.. I know everyone last night was patting Tdud on the back for his great 4th quarter but I would have given the win to marko.. Mike James looked like a rookie out there they said he was too excited or whatever.. It is a long season but he has to be more of a leader out there.. How can Foye play that well before he is coached by Casey suddenly he doesn't the floor.. That is BS there is no way that the plays they run are hard or the defensive sets are too difficult.. Get him out there the wolves will be better in January if they let Foye play 20 minutes a night TDUD is the same pile of crap regarldless of how much he plays.. KG you are 1/2 a step slow but still in my top 5 just for the effort you put out each night.. Ok fantasy hoops.. We are playing head to head this year I too dumb to figure out a good system but I think it is going to be have to monitored on a nightly basis to set lineups.. It does allow for more smack talking so that is good..

Weight
Less than an 1/8 of ton is close.. I have hit a wall but I have been walking more and my veal is getting close to healthy so that I can start running some.. 10,000 steps is pretty tough some days.. I have missed by 1000 step one day so I am feeling pretty good.. Halloween was not good I didn't want to eat candy so instead I ate chips and salsa at 10 what an idiot.. But hey I have not fallen off the wagon or on or whatever that means I can never remember if on is good or off is bad… I just know that the wagon should be a 3/4 ton if I am going to get on it..

BO vs BOZ

I haven't blogged in awhile so I am just going to throw stuff out there for everyone.. Quick Note… I will be talking a ton of NBA hoops since the ultimate fantasy season has begun so please ignore any sections marked NBA and you should be ok.. Well you will be stuck with the other meaningless crap I throw out there.. Let's see quick update on the weight all is going well I still can't crack into the 240's but my veal is healing and I began to run last night.. 10,00 steps is a killer I have made it everyday except yesterday which I only hit 9300.. Wow I have gone to fast food twice but I have been able to escape without French fries and a single burger.. Not bad for me.. Ohh before I forget while at my parents my mom wanted to thank me for helping out so she went to Dvincis in Watertown and picked us a up a pizza.. JLO they are still tremendous.. Anyway I was able to control myself and have two normal slices. I know this sound like Tony Robins or whoever that lurchy looking self help freak is but I felt good that I was able to stop.. I have in the past eaten a whole pizza from them so I am feeling pretty good..
So my Dad is recovering from a 3 hour surgery on his wrist.. I hate to be negative..yeah right but it doesn't look good for him to get complete range of motion back.. Man I am mad at myself.. Anyway my dad is trying to get rid of some cows that are troublesome in his words.. In my words dumb and uncontrollable.. So he sold them to a friend with some other good cattle so he would have to take them.. Anyway my Dad is basically useless other than getting in the way and freaking me out since I really don't want him to fall or bump his bad arm.. But he is on Brett Favre vitamins so he thinks he can help.. Well that made worse and I was having so much guilt that I was trying to do to much to help get this fnnnn cows loaded in a trailer.. We took our time but this one old cow was so insane that she stuck her head throw a whole at the bottom of the fence and nearly broke her neck try to flail kick and shit herself out of the choking positions she was in.. Tensions are running high when I try and be the good son and drive the two nice ones in the trailer but I just want it over with so my Dad doesn't hurt himself by helping so I jump in behind these two cows that I believe are in a shoot with no way of going but into the trailer.. Well since the cows and I are of equal intelligence the cow makes the smarter move by realizing that it is 3 times my size even though with size of the my giant cranium the cows unsure of my actual size but it decides to go Bo Jackson on me and thinks behind me is the endzone.. Well I am no Brian Bozworth but I am in the position of flight or fight and being the idiot I am I decided that I can take this SOB but BO jumps high and even though I lack the extra testosterone and mullet I attempt to tackle this beast ( It wasn't that big but it helps the story.. That’s what she said...) BO destroys me I am left to punch the cow in in the throat with all that I have as it blasts me into the gate behind me. My ribs heart and feel like I have been hit by a truck but all in all feels pretty good minus the cow shit all over me.. Short story long we got the cows loaded and no one got hurt..
Quick one I am getting my passport and the lady looks at my passport and says what color do you want me to put down for your hair color and she starts to laugh, for a moment I think..( just put down the color hair that is growing on you’re a$$) but I laugh drive the anger deeper down and say do they have flesh colored which get's her to chuckle.. I really hate people all of them... 100 bucks for a passport yuck..
Vikes
It is not so much you play a team it is when you play them in the NFL.. Seattle was struggling and we played them and we played well to beat them.. I think we would win 3 out of 10 games if they where all healthy but it is what it is..
The vikes don't beat themselves this year and they had some great play from the defense. And when you have a back that just keeps hitting the whole that hard goods things will happen.. I am really impressed with Chester he is just solid in every part of the game.. Hope he stays healthy..
We are playing on Monday night which is bad for the Vikes since the Patriots will be jacked up and they have only lost one game this year and are really starting to play together.. They have a great coach and superior talent.. The vikes are at home but the Patriots play well at domes.. I think these teams are pretty equal but Brady is a great talent and the Pats won't beat themselves.. I score it 21-17 Patriots.. If the vikes can get a turnover they have a chance..

LESS PHAT

I will sing, sing the new.. How long to sing their song.. Sorry Bono had a hold of my brain for minute.. Quick Updates..on my post from Monday.. My dad's break is pretty bad and it looks like he will have those external pins put on his arm for awhile.. He goes under the knife as I type this.. Damn I feel terrible.. It is what it is.. I think I need to explain part of my post last time.. The whole I never feel comfortable post is about me fitting in.. I look like a big dumb ex football player (everybody thinks I was a guard or something due to my porcine shape) but that is just not me.. Those guys are passionate about fishing and hunting and the outdoors I am not.. I enjoy fishing as long as I am with the right people.. But I have no clue about what tackle to use and I don't wade through the Cabellas magazine sweating at the site of a new rapala. It is just like hunting..  I enjoy pheasant hunting but I don't have 14 outfits of different camouflage patterns.. Given the choice of spending 500 bucks on a weekend in North Dakota I would rather spend that money taking my kids to water park or something.. I am not a great Dad or anything I just enjoy those weekends more..I just want to really love something like that so I can really get into it.. I always feel like I am just doing it because that is what guys do.. It has taken sometime but I have stopped doing things just because I am supposed to like it or because that is what guys like to do.. I am going to go the deer hunting shack with my side of the family but I am not going to go hunting because I really don't want to spend 120 or whatever it is now to buy a out of state license. Actually I love the fact that it is expensive since it give me an excuse for not buying it.. So I go up there wake up early and talk with everybody before they rush out to there stands and why they are preparing to stare at desolate woods for 4 plus hours.. I head off to the local greasy spoon and have a giant omelet coffee and I read the newspaper and finish my soduko.. I then go back to camp and take a mid morning nap and put whatever the hunters are going to have for lunch in the oven.. Wake up around noon have lunch with everybody and watch football and when someone comes back to camp after shooting a deer I help retrieve it or hang it with them.  That's just me I really talking to people but I would rather not spend 8 hours staring at a barren woods near the artic circle.. I want to try cross country skiing this winter but I know I don't fit that crowd either.. Anyway I guess we all struggle fitting into molds its just that the big heavy doesn't have any mold to fit in.. Sort of like my pants..  Back on Track..

Weight
I broke a rule of eating at McDonalds when I was driving my dad back but I was able to not have French fries.. One burger is not filling.. I left more hungry then when I came .. But man it tasted good.. The tally this morning was 252 which shocked me since I have not been able to do much since I ripped the veal last week.. Yesterday was the start of the death walk of trying to get 10,000 steps in everyday.. I was able to get that in so I am feeling good.. One day down.. 

Flag of our Fathers
Finally dragged IJ to a movie.. I was kinda pumped for a private ryan movie experience but I was left feeling shorted.. There is nothing wrong with this movie.. It had superb special affects and the acting was ok and the story was ok.. It just never grabbed me.. It was a story that really could be told in one sentence.. The soldiers where exploited to raise money for the war.  It tried to add depth but really it just didn't tell me anything.. I wish it was more of historical film… I didn't feel any emotion.. I just never really cared for the point of view that story was told and I didn't thing the angle on the story added anything..

So I will give it 2.75 baldies just because it was just well done..

Vikings..

Not yet..

More Later
Big less phat out..

LIFE :Just Dumb

I know this is not a shock to anyone who reads this ugly ramble that I spew out every day or so but I am just plain dumb.. I have mentioned several times that I can never really find my niche in the world of being an adult man.. I try hunting fishing or whatever but I just end up wishing I was getting a pizza and going to a movie..
Well my brother and Dad have both tried ATV out and have really enjoyed them. So we decided to go on a 4 wheeling weekend in the Iron Range.. (Special shout out to all my homies from Cloquet..) Everything worked great we met North of the city and headed up Friday night with 4 ATV's in tow.. We make great time park the trailers make our plans for the next day.. My Nephew SD and my Dad and I take jump in the sauna.. Not to self wood sauna seats and slippery bald man are not a good combination. People where staring in this little barrel in wonder as the dried wood bench creaked under the enormous weight.. But all went well we where ready to have a nice relaxing day trail riding.. We arrived at the course and once again I am out of place people are nice and everything else but the people at this course our doing wheelies and spinning donuts and revving up engines which is sort of scary but kind of gets your juices flowing.. This same thing usually happens to me when I smell food.
I am just setting the table of why the event occurred not making excuses for what happened next..
So I quickly cut off my new clothes tags of my manly clothes in an attempt to fit in with the crowd.. I should have just dived into the iron ore water puddled right there and it would have been perfect.. We all put our helmets since it was freezing cold with the plan of taking them off when it warmed up.. Once again dumb.. My brother was nice enough to borrow me his helmet which was an XL which I thought would fit over the giant planet I call a head.. It hurt like crazy but crammed it on and we took off.. I was shocked this is not a trail ride we are on it is in essence a stunt course for people that like to push there ATV's to the limit..And I am being led by 68 year old father who is bounding over these stone moguls like nothing.. So I join in and I start going over them it is a riot and I am just charged up there is puddles or little lakes that you have to avoid rocks and timber and you fly through them spraying this iron water all over it is surreal.. It is so rugged but this machines are amazing they bounce over and crawl over everything.. This course has drops of 50-100 ft that you would not believe you could which you can do with ease.. Your on edge the whole time your dogging trees bouncing over boulders and throwing mud all over the place.. I am having a blast I can't how much fun this is.. Even though about every 20 seconds I am scared out of my mind… But it is strange you kinda get lost in the moment you feel invincible on these things.. You don't feel like you have a torn veal.. And the playing field is leveled my Dad and my nephew are 50 years apart but they are both able to do the same things together.. Well enough of the fun part.. It is getting close to 11:00 and the big heavy needs to eat.. So my Dad says we should take a trail that gets us to the high ground so we can stop have a pop and eat lunch..
SD is our best driver so he leads then Me then Dad then my brother.. We see this signs on the trail that having a squiggly line on them.. If you don't know you should probably take a second to figure out what they mean. But hey we feel invincible my cow doesn't hurt we are all having a blast there is no trail we can't handle. This trail is steep,narrow,slippery,muddy and really throws you around but I have driven this thing for 2 whole hours I am an expert.. (dumbass) So SD being the reasonable one pauses at each turn to make sure it is Ok to keep going.. But I am really dumb because if he thinks he can do it why can't I.. The fact that my dad is behind me is completely lost.. You are in this really survival/testosterone laced mood .. So as we face this steepest most difficult trail I am dumber than usual.. I give SD the go ahead nod and he fires up the trail and he is bouncing and spinning all over but he makes it to the top.. It was scary to see but I am blinded but everything that happened previous and I hammer this huge 700cc four-wheeler up the trail. And I fly up this hill with blood in my eyes when I get to the top I feel as though I have just reached Everest. But just as I holler out like I had actually done something myself instead of riding this engineering dream up this slope.. It dawns that my father is behind me (Why didn't I think of him you dumb ass heavyd) I hear my brother yelling to my dad to not shift but keep going because he looked at this hill and said no way was he going to even attempt it..
5 seconds later I hear my brother yell out.. I need help.. Dad's hurt it is really bad.. Nothing hurts me anymore I leap off my atv and SD and I fly across the slippery slope down to my Dad.. My brother is right my Dads head is covered in blood and he is laying on his side saying that he broke his arm.. It has to be something worse he flipped the ATV twice all of the force came down on him and the only ground below contained nothing but sharp Rocks.. The ATV is crushed and laying upside down in the trail.. We are in the middle of nowhere my Dad is bleeding all over and we are in the middle of a trail with very few options to get down.. My brother and I quickly come up with a good plan to get him to an emergency room as quick as possible.. My Dad is tougher than nails and is as calm as anyone and he has the strength to hold his broken arm and shimmy down the hill we where trying to keep him awake and we did not want him to have the bone push through the skin so we did not put him on the back of an ATV to risk further injury... I am not sure how or why but we flipped his ATV back on its wheels bend the handles somewhat straight the big heavy was a wee jacked up.. Everything worked perfectly my brother was able to find flat ground and drive my dad back to our vehicles and get Dad to a hospital within 30 minutes of the accident happened..

My Dad ending up having a broken arm and needed stitched for his face but I was able to get him back to his home before night fall. His arm might require surgery but he is in great shape considering.. All because he had his helmet on was he able to survive..
I will never go on a trail like we did that day again.. But I will continue to take the nice safe trails from this day forward.. No moral to this story.. It is just simple when you ride a motorcycle or ATV or whatever wear a helmet.. Don't be stupid.. The ATV did not hurt my Dad poor judgment did.. When I look back on this if I would have just used my head we would have had a great weekend but you live and learn..

I will blog on the vikings later.. I don't have time to even look at this post it was just a straight upchuck of the events. I apologize to BS who struggles reading it daily I might call him and read it for him.

Wounded Veal

I have no topics to blog about lately since I haven't done anything other than lay around and try and repair the Holstein. The muscle tear must not have been good It has a concentrated bruise that is really starting to look ugly but I am trying to walk as much as possible and get the blood flowing through there so I think I must be on the road to recovery.. I need to be.. I am going 4 wheeling this weekend. So anyway today the post is going to have no structure so I am just really going to throw crap out.. Baseball playoffs no one cares.. I don't know why but I thought I would try and watch a little preseason hoop to see if the wolves would spark my interest. I still love the wolves but I mean it is just so hard to watch.. BS sent me an article that I was thinking the same thing.. The Wolves have no identity they have no style they have no strength they have no future .. A couple of quick impressions KG is getting some Chris  Weberidus in his body he still gets it done he just looks lethargic and slow moving the energy is there he is just lost some of his explosive playmaking.. It could be preseason and all or it could be the pounding is taking it out of ticket or it could be he looks around and sees no chance of winning.. Mike James is very Cassel like he should have a nice year for the wolves..The front court is the worst in the NBA I can't think of a worse team unit than the wolves. They have no depth no strength no height no scoring ohhh. They are bad here.. The backcourt is average that has a chance to be pretty good with Mcants,Foye and James.. Tdud makes me sick.. I am bored with Ricky D he gets destroyed playing defense I am not sure he is any better than Wally on the d end. Ok more observations on them later..

The weight is going really well I am not breaking any rules and I am not gaining anything even though I am unable to do anything other than work and lay around.. Just some uncomfortable moments I need to get out there.. FT is traveling for work (and he is not the most relaxed person in the world) and he is sitting on the plan when a person sitting behind him whose name lacks vowels starts praying to Allah as the plane takes flight.. Apparently FT is quite unnerved by this chanting and moves his seat so he can watch his actions throughout the flight.. I don't know why but that just cracks me up.. So I meet with our small group from our church and we are having a fun night where we just get together and socialize.. So the couple hosting the party has this beautiful deck in the back of their house and they have one of these little portable fireplace things that we are all sitting around.. I have never really used one of these I thought they where stupid.. They are not it is pretty cool.. Anyway we play this game Outburst as a team guys against the girls.. The game is like the family feud where there are 10 answers to the topic stated and you try to guess as many as you can as a team.. Well all is going well with topics like characters on the Flintstones and whatever but a few turns later.. The guys get this topic famous porno films and characters.. So here I sit with my Church group hmm and for some reasons the women decide to test the men and see how many they can.. This sends my head spinning I don't know this people well enough to start saying Johnny the Wad or DeepThroat well I could go but the guys are all looking at each other and wondering what answers are common answers or if an answer is going to make you look like a raving pervert. I ended up saying nothing more than behind the green door and linda lovelace.. Why does that stuff happen..   I know this is weak today but really I don't care..

Vikes should probably break out their offensive funk this weekend.. I am betting this game is high scoring I will say Vikes 27 Seattle 30..  

HeavyD Out

Torn Cow

 I  was feeling so good…

I managed to get up at 5:00 on Saturday morning to play hoops… Not sure if  I was motivated by the breakfast after or watching SW and FT play actual hoops instead of watching shrek bang around for the larva I mean ball..

So I had two good games.. My idea of two good games is I didn't hurt anyone I grabbed a few boards and I made a shot.. I was just wondering if this was too good to be true.. I had lost some lbs I was feeling good and I was going to have a hot breakfast in less than an hour.. Well it was too good to be true I was pretending that I could still make quick plays on the basketball court so when a poorly thrown lob was thrown up the court I was going to make a quick cut and steal the ball.

Well in case I have not told you this before.. I am not in real good shape and I am smidge overweight.. So when I lunged for the ball I really thought someone kicked me or tripped on my calf because I heard this sort of low pop noise.. But when I looked back no one was there. It felt like some had taken an ax and hit me in the calf. It was like having the worst charlie horse of your life..  So like a walrus sliding across an iceberg I mannaged to pull myself to the edge of the court.  If crying would have eased the pain I would have done it but I couldn't.. This is sad to admit but as I was slithering across the court I was wondering if I could still make breafast this morning.. I am not trying to be funny it just shows how and why the big D remains heavy.. So I have been icing it and trying to stay off but it basically feels like I have had a charlie horse since that morning..  

I am going to blog on this tommorow but it looks like the big heavy needs to hang it up on any sport that requires sudden movement.. I think you will see me with those really odd looking white walking shoes in a mall near you..

I have not broken any eating rules but I need to feed the rage soon..

I am big angry and from this point forward I have a torn cow.. You get the joke just thought it was too easy..
OUT

Not much

Simple but weird.. I am really late to the web cam thing.. So I just started using since it since is so easy to use with skype.. Just some quick observations.. It is really fun with your kids since so much of their communication is non verbal.. I have not seen DenverJ in awhile so it was sort of surreal to see him this morning.. DenverJ works from home so he looked a little rough around the edges.. He should eat more it would round him out.. If you have limited bandwidth on the upstream you are going to disappointed with your service.. IJ has DSL and I am not sure if it is the computer or the connection but it gets pretty garbled up.. My parents bought some new furniture so while I as talking to my dad he swung the camera around to see it.. It is what it is but it definitely is something I will continue to use..

Weight
I have not broken a rule yet so all is going well.. It helps when things are a little tight financially since you really can't afford snacks or going out to lunch..  I have an outside chance of being down a 10 spot by next week.. I have another rule that might just kill me but it is simple so I am going to give it a shot.. No matter what I am going to 10,000 steps in a day.. I wish I didn't have so much pressure down on my feet it truly kills my feet.. It's kinda like the Eggroll before the chicken… Wait a minute I am really hungry that just slipped out…

Music
Live Album-The Bottom Line (Dec 2001)/early show
- Have to agree  with BS thunder road is rock solid.. If you love Bern.. He is no Huey Lewis..

Movies
I have not seen a thing in the last month.. IJ has decided to Boycott the movie industry so there goes my movie guy..

Books
I am reading a tremendous book.. Extremely loud Incredibly Close.. This book makes you weep, laugh, feel, understand, live in shoes that you would never live in .. It is not a simple read but the characters and the viewpoint is just so tremendous you will not be able to put it down.. I am approaching the end of this book and I don't want it to end.. 

Nothing
Is anybody watching the baseball playoffs.. Not sure why but they just bore me this year.. I think SW is going to hoops on Saturday that should be fun.. I am playing age of the empires again still love that game.. Once again life is good not sure how to feel about that.. So let me get this straight when normal people are at work they are not in constricting pain all day.. I still need lose a 6 year old or two but my fat pants feel good..  


I got a whole lot of nothing..
Biggie Small
OUT

Snow

Ahh I have learned a lot from IJ.. I used to hate the winter but what he said really hit home.. When it is cold outside you really shouldn't be out there.. There is no guilt about staying in side and relaxing.. There is nothing out there you should be doing.. It is freeing.. So let it get cold… The weight thing is going great.. IJ 256 after breakfast.. It has been slow and steady.. I just need to get on big arse up on the treadmill now that we don't have 3 kids practices a week.. My brother and I where trying out skype video last night. It isn't perfect but it adds something and will make you feel a little closer when you are traveling away from home.. I use it to call my wife from work which is weird but very functional.. My brother asked me why I am growing my foo.. Its simple if I don't put some hair on my head you can't tell if I am coming or going.. It really is the same reason I shave my arse.. Ohh that's a mental image..

TV
Some good shows out there.. Heroes is just so different it is good. I am not sure I am buying sunset strip anymore it just's seems to be laboring on what the show is about but it is still well written and acted. Lost has my head spinning I wish that show was two hours.. You can't  compete with the office for gut busting humor.. I don't watch Earl anymore I just don't think that formula for humor is funny.  As a fatman the biggest loser is something I don't miss I just so understand those people.. Even though most of them are masking there problems with food.. Wait a minute …  Ok.. The big heavy really understands that..

Tpups..
I just can't drink the Koolaid on these guys this year.. Every little "gotta be patient with the rookies"  quote or whatever infuriates me.. I would like one NBA that doesn't say that we are focusing on defense.. Flip said it every year..  Maro Jaric said he is working on playing small forward why doesn't work on being basketball player…  Try hustling playing defense shooting.. See I have lost perspective.. They need to gut this team and take 5 years to rebuild this team.. They give me no reason to watch them.. When are they on TV this preseason?

 

Afternoon Edition

Jottings
So much bitterness so little blog space.. Actually I am not very bitter today I am quite happy. I am approaching the end of 30 days of a chest/sinus cold.. I have not over eaten in 7 days.. My pants don't hurt as bad as usual. It is sad but I feel like I finally have control over my eating which pretty much dominates my life.. Although we did walk through casettas on our walk today.. I think I put on three lb's just smelling the food.. Man I love food.. Well what the heck am I doing with myself. I never mention my job here because it bores me to discuss it but I am going to be doing some pretty tough stuff for me in the next year so I might lose some focus on the whole blog but I will do my best..

I am sure there is a clinical name for this but I am not sure how to handle situations when things are going well. I don't have this often but it really bothers me when it is this way.. So I am going to ride this good vibe for the next few days/hours and see where that takes me.

Vikings

They have a bye week so I really can't critique anything.. Oh yeah I can I think we can do our first quarter grades and thoughts.. First of all let me say that the Vikings organization is doing leaps and bound better than it was last year at this time.. I think they got the best first time head coach of the bunch.. BUT.. Childress is a very inexperienced play caller.. He is getting out coached each week when the teams switch up the D after the first drive he gets lost in his own scheme.. He also has a team of solid players but not one exceptional player or playmakers on offense.. But hey I am not going to second guess I have the same problem with Madden. (Ohh that is sad that I say things like that.) But here we go on our grades..

Offense as a whole D+

They have not had a big play or done anything other than hold the ball and wait for other teams to make a mistake.. This unit has lost games for the team but has not won any.. The only time they have scored about 20 is when the D scored twice and they where playing Detroit.

Oline F
This is the weakness of this team and it is the only unit that is not performing like they are paid.
QB A-
He is about the cheapest starting qb in the league and he is playing above that number and he has played up to his potential.
RB B-
Chester Taylor is not great but has stayed healthy runs hard catches the ball and plays everydown.. Mewelde is non-existent in this offense I think they could utilize him more maybe in a two back set at least that would get rid of one of our sorry wide receivers we play.

WR D -
They are not open and when they are they drop the ball fumble you name it.. Troy Williamson is close to being a bust..He was drafted 7th and he is nonexistent in most games.. This might the least effective in the NFL.

TE Incomplete
Childress does not know how to get the ball to the tightend. They have talent here it is just not being utilized..

Special Teams C
Punting D+ Kluwe has taken a huge step back from what he did last year.. He has shanked the ball in key situations.. He had a nine yard punt I am being kind to give him a D.. That pretty much sealed the game against Buffalo..

Kicking B
Why the B.. This guy kick great field goals but he can't kick the ball off past the 10.. It is huge to make teams drive 80 yds for a scored instead of 60 or 65 yds..

Defense A
Coaching is great with same talent as last year.. They have one games for the team.. They have kept this team in ever game this year.. Nobody has slowed down Chicago other than this defense. They have 4 guys that I think our Pro Bowl material Pat and Kevin Williams, Darren Sharper, Antoine Winfield.. I think that says it all.. We can play with any team if they play this well the whole year.

Tpups tommorow..