Monday, October 30, 2006

BO vs BOZ

I haven't blogged in awhile so I am just going to throw stuff out there for everyone.. Quick Note… I will be talking a ton of NBA hoops since the ultimate fantasy season has begun so please ignore any sections marked NBA and you should be ok.. Well you will be stuck with the other meaningless crap I throw out there.. Let's see quick update on the weight all is going well I still can't crack into the 240's but my veal is healing and I began to run last night.. 10,00 steps is a killer I have made it everyday except yesterday which I only hit 9300.. Wow I have gone to fast food twice but I have been able to escape without French fries and a single burger.. Not bad for me.. Ohh before I forget while at my parents my mom wanted to thank me for helping out so she went to Dvincis in Watertown and picked us a up a pizza.. JLO they are still tremendous.. Anyway I was able to control myself and have two normal slices. I know this sound like Tony Robins or whoever that lurchy looking self help freak is but I felt good that I was able to stop.. I have in the past eaten a whole pizza from them so I am feeling pretty good..
So my Dad is recovering from a 3 hour surgery on his wrist.. I hate to be negative..yeah right but it doesn't look good for him to get complete range of motion back.. Man I am mad at myself.. Anyway my dad is trying to get rid of some cows that are troublesome in his words.. In my words dumb and uncontrollable.. So he sold them to a friend with some other good cattle so he would have to take them.. Anyway my Dad is basically useless other than getting in the way and freaking me out since I really don't want him to fall or bump his bad arm.. But he is on Brett Favre vitamins so he thinks he can help.. Well that made worse and I was having so much guilt that I was trying to do to much to help get this fnnnn cows loaded in a trailer.. We took our time but this one old cow was so insane that she stuck her head throw a whole at the bottom of the fence and nearly broke her neck try to flail kick and shit herself out of the choking positions she was in.. Tensions are running high when I try and be the good son and drive the two nice ones in the trailer but I just want it over with so my Dad doesn't hurt himself by helping so I jump in behind these two cows that I believe are in a shoot with no way of going but into the trailer.. Well since the cows and I are of equal intelligence the cow makes the smarter move by realizing that it is 3 times my size even though with size of the my giant cranium the cows unsure of my actual size but it decides to go Bo Jackson on me and thinks behind me is the endzone.. Well I am no Brian Bozworth but I am in the position of flight or fight and being the idiot I am I decided that I can take this SOB but BO jumps high and even though I lack the extra testosterone and mullet I attempt to tackle this beast ( It wasn't that big but it helps the story.. That’s what she said...) BO destroys me I am left to punch the cow in in the throat with all that I have as it blasts me into the gate behind me. My ribs heart and feel like I have been hit by a truck but all in all feels pretty good minus the cow shit all over me.. Short story long we got the cows loaded and no one got hurt..
Quick one I am getting my passport and the lady looks at my passport and says what color do you want me to put down for your hair color and she starts to laugh, for a moment I think..( just put down the color hair that is growing on you’re a$$) but I laugh drive the anger deeper down and say do they have flesh colored which get's her to chuckle.. I really hate people all of them... 100 bucks for a passport yuck..
Vikes
It is not so much you play a team it is when you play them in the NFL.. Seattle was struggling and we played them and we played well to beat them.. I think we would win 3 out of 10 games if they where all healthy but it is what it is..
The vikes don't beat themselves this year and they had some great play from the defense. And when you have a back that just keeps hitting the whole that hard goods things will happen.. I am really impressed with Chester he is just solid in every part of the game.. Hope he stays healthy..
We are playing on Monday night which is bad for the Vikes since the Patriots will be jacked up and they have only lost one game this year and are really starting to play together.. They have a great coach and superior talent.. The vikes are at home but the Patriots play well at domes.. I think these teams are pretty equal but Brady is a great talent and the Pats won't beat themselves.. I score it 21-17 Patriots.. If the vikes can get a turnover they have a chance..

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

D,

I'm in my first year of law school, and I'm driving down from St. Cloud to St. Paul for a mock-trial type thing. I've got on the Walmart khakis, the Walmart white dress shirt, SWEATER VEST, tie I stole from my dad, two-sizes too small J.C. Penny's blue blazer with the gold sailor buttons...(dressed to the nines for law school), $100. dollar pair of Bostonians...traffic by the Clearwater exit is slow based on a vehicle problem ahead...as I approach the scene, I notice a truck pulling a three stall cattle trailer has dropped its back gate and two of three cows have spilled out of the trailer. Cow still in the trailer has fallen on its back legs and scraped most of its buttocks and tail off as the vehicle was slowing. The other two cows luckily ran off into the shoulder and into four feet of snow...uninjured. I pull over to lend assistance, fine threads and all...I volunteer to walk down to the trailer (having been real smart and taken my jacket off) and help push the bloody rump of the now shaking cow back up. No one else has really pulled over to help, just and old farmer and his 65 year old wife...the farmer goes down to the snow and places ropes over the cows necks...I go down and we get the first cow turned around and onto the trailer...the next one takes 1/2 an hour, and by this time my feet are so frozen, I don't notice that one of my dress shoes had come off...somewhere...I'm sweating profusely from head to ass crack, and frozen from there down...the farmer closes the gate on his trailer, doesn't bother to thank me, and drives off before the cops arrive.

When the cops do arrive, they see a shit-crusted fat man in a really, really cheap suit combo, looking in a snow bank for his dress shoe. The cop asks me what I'm doing, and I tell him I'm a recently out of work cattle russler...he smiles, gets back in his pork-mobile, and drives off...half hour later, I find my damn shoe by some stroke of luck, drive to school, where in my brilliant mind I should have dried off enough to do my presentation...I arrive, people over the next ten minutes start holding their noses, and one guy asks me...do you know you smell like pig shit...I respond...actually I smell like cow shit sherlock...you'll make a fine lawyer some day...I got an "A"...I suspect for effort...darn cows...

Peace,

JLO