Please Skip This Post

The happiness the joy of living it is really tiring. Life is pretty good for me right now and I could not be more content with my situation. It is really hard to get use to but I am adjusting.. So let me give you a quick rundown on life.. My family spent a couple of days at the Kalahari indoor water park last week during there spring break. It was going to be nice to go somewhere where I have to take my shirt of and not look summer sausage… Not so lucky I took my shirt off in the room and I still have a long way to go. I looked old and sloppy I really need to lift weights and lose an additional 25 lbs and to be honest I probably looked better at 280 then at least I looked like I was beefy.. Now I just look heavy and old.. (Not to get off on a tangent but why is it that even though I am bald and approaching 40 fast that I still get zits like a 15 year old.. ) Back on the point as I had the best few days of my life with my kids.. My wife and I had are own room and the kids all had there own huge bed and TV fireplace etc.. It is great to go places with the kids they get so excited it just amplifies everything and makes everything seem larger than life.. It used to be that my wife would do this kind of trip it was someone staying with the younger kid(s) and the other hanging out with the older kids so we would barely have time to do things together.. Now we can all pretty much do the same things it was just so relaxing other than the 70% people there that feel the need to pierce or tattoo every inch of there body.. It is just hilarious to see these moms try and act like they are Mrs. cleever with their young kids and they have this nasty tattoo on there lower back shaped like a crucifix pointing toward there crotch.. Wow mom that looks nice oh I am sure that you a good girl. That will make for some nice conversations when those kids are teenagers..

Torn MCL
Well the vacation was great but something always has to go a little wrong.. So I am riding this flowrider(http://www.flowrider.com/) To cut this short this thing is creates a constant wave that you can kneeboard on or surf on with a "snowboard like ski" .. You have to wait quite awhile to do it but it is extremely fun I will put a picture of the big heavy on the blog.. Maybe not.. So as usual I think I have to prove that I am not an overweight middle aged man I try to do all the tricks the 20 year olds are doing and actually I am able to do most of the simple rolls and what not but the young kid since my insecurity and try's to get me to do something a little harder well apparently I am too old too large and too uncoordinated to pull the 360 spin on the top of the board.. My left leg get's caught up in the current and hurt my knee.. It hurts really bad but I cannot show any weakness in front of this crowd of people so I suck it up and am glad that my shorts are wet so that no one can see that I have nearly pissed my self with the pain that I have just endured and I walk off.. This must be the year of injury for me.. I was pretty lucky after going to the doctor and having an x-ray it looks like I did not tear it to bad in fact I was walking 3 miles on it within 3 days.. But there is still a ton of pain but I will take that over a knee surgery..

Weight
232 seems is killing me I can't seem to break this barrier I am going to extend my miles to 4 and try eat less on my evening meal.. But hey I feel great.. I should be able to start running next week if the knee continues to progress..

Movies..
I have seen way to many crappy movies to mention this year already.. But I saw 300 with the guys weekend guys awhile back and I really enjoyed it.. We are not talking academy awards or anything but it just had a cool edge and different look to the movie.. I really could careless that it was 80% CGI it did not feel like a video it was more like a high tech arty violent dark film..

I would recommend this for any guy but not many women.. The legs and heads flying off at constant pace does get a little gruesome.. 3 baldies out of 4..

M5
I should have a separate post on this one.. But I just don't have the time.. M5 is selling his 2000 540i this week.. When he sent me an email it brought me back to a time when I "thought" I was going to actually have money and that I wouldn't be working in a cubicle for the man the rest of my life.. I helped M5 pick up the car at the dealership.. He was going from 12 year old Honda accord to this 60G car man I hoped someday I would have enough money to buy something half as cool as this car.. I thought I was living a fantasy and oh yes I was.. I lost the opportunity to get of the cube rat race just one short year later.. As I type this in my cube where I am a nameless rat I am ok with now.. I am content but my opportunity to do anything different is gone.. Ok.. I almost forget that M5 was the guy that laid me off and he now owns an even nicer car and lives in a mansion.. Yep I am angry again and I will continue to post…

Twins are about to start.. It is going to be a great year..

Hey if you did not read the comment from IJ from yesterday please read it.. It puts this filthy blog to shame (not hard to do)

In Germany next week.. Out

schwerD

Old Post Lost

I found this old post that I typed while at the airportin Chitown.. It was wierd day and wierd post.. But it is what is..


So Here I sit in Chicago on my way to germany...
I have nothing but great memories of this city.. Sitting with IJ in what appeared to me as 120 Degree heat to watch the cubs play the Houston Astros.. We sweat like two fat chicks on Jenny Craig in a chocolate factory. We watched all 9 innings in that heat that day and I could not wipe the smile off my face.. Wow baseball on a hot day in chicago.. Cold beers and pizza followed.. We where big dumb fat and burnt but we loved it.. I could go on and on but I just love baseball in the summer.. IJ and traveled the upper part of the U.S. watching baseball a few years ago and I could not have had a better time.. I think of that as the baseball season begins.. Baseball is just so pure please stay away from the game Barry bonds there is nothing like it in the world.. 160 +games of pure americana.. The Twins came off the best year that I could possibly imagine.. I don't care what they did in the post season they where magical.. It was just the best days I could imagine.. Santana was onstoppable Mauer was a cagey veteran at 23 years old.. Mornea was just a solid MVP candidate down the stretch… I have said this before but I feel it again as the season begins.. Baseball is back.. Baseball is great…. FU Barry Bonds leave this game alone.. America is not a blood thirsty kille...r we love to hit baseballs and pitch in the sun and laugh.. America is alive.. America is baseball..
Sure I have had 6 glasses of red wine and 2 bloody maries waiting for my plane to depart in MSP for Chicago.. I am a little tispy but I am ready to post.. I have so many worthless things too add to googles search engine.. I ripped on wrestling on Thursday/Friday.. Dang it I was right.. My Son C was not ready for wrestling this weekedend he is apart of terrible program but all all that being said I have never been more proud of him.. So we drove to the armpit of the world and decided to enter a wrestling tournament in Wisconsin.. These people where hideaous and insane.. I think I heard one man in coveralls say to the other "LETS MAKE HIM SQUEEL LIKE A PIG" but hey I figured this was C's chance to embarce his wrestling roots.. After 4 hours of watching C entered the octagon of death to begin his journey into the sports backwash of the world.. C walked onto to the Mat thinking there was no phyiscal equal to him.. He had defeated every kid from every weight from every grade he was ready to take his crown as best wrestler without a mullet this side of the Missippi River.. (Props to simley) C got caught in an inside craddle and pinned before he knew what was happenning.. He had never seen that move before but he walked off the mat and never shed a tear or dipped his head for one minute.. He just looked at me and said what was that Dad.. I told him what I could and he shook his head and decided that he was not the best wrestler that had ever taken that mat.. C never faltered in his ability or his will to win he gave what he had every time he walkded onto to the mat but our school did not give him the tools he needed to be successful.. But that is not the story.. Let me give you my version.. I took C aside after his second loss and prepared him to face the Lions for a third time that day.. We where back in a lockeroom all by ourselves and C flat out told me that I really want to go home.. I did what worked for me.. I told him to run around the lockeroom and get warm and he ran by I hollered wrestling encouragement at him. C you need to find away to bring about the beast in you.. Wait a minute I stopped.. I am not very smart but it came to me at that moment.. The only way I could win in wrestling was to bring out the beast.. No one will believe this unless you where there but before I would wrestle I made my Dad slap me across the face as hard as he could.. I had to create artificical rage to get my blood boiling.. My Dad would slap me hard enough where the flight or fright reaction would kick in.. I had the rage I needed to "kill" wrestle the other oppenent.. Wow this is hard to admit to you all but I needed a drug to slap my body to get myself ready to kill.. Without that I couldn't muster the fight I needed to wrestle at the highest level.. ..I am an idiot I thought about play slapping C around to get him ready to wrestle at this little backwater wrestling tournament.. I am dumb but I stopped C is better than I was not.. C lost his match with class and honor he held his head high.. He has since fallen on harder times..



Go Twins

See ya KG

I tore my MCL.. Will post later..

Don't hate the players hate the GM

Heavy D.... Out..

Whole lotta nothin

Where are the Vikings going.. How are they going to get people to come to the games.. What chance do they have of winning games next year when they have not added anything to a team that was lucky to be 6-10. Why do we sign players to long term contracts that could have been picked up off of waivers.. Wilf is becoming just like Red.. I am not sure if he is getting this payroll clear so he can sell it or move it.. But not talking to the media after your team is in a tailspin is a recipe for disaster. I am thinking of growing a mustache like Childress. If we trade Oakland a 3rd round choice we can get moss and I will guarantee sellouts for the next two seasons.. No free agents short of a few who should be on practice squads will even visit with Minnesota.. Somehow are team has gotten arrogant and full of themselves when they have done nothing but deteriorate a franchise..

TimberSpaniels
Ugly pathetic bloated lazy no I am not describing myself (It would be if you added gassy). Wittman is trying to win games to save his job.. It makes no difference who coaches this team they are pathetic heartless overpaid children.. Hoiberg can try and arrange the deck chairs on this titanic but it is still going to sink.. If I was taylor I would get out of the NBA business.. It is bleeding itself out and is completely directionless.. They switched from a synthetic ball to a real ball in January is there any chance they can get rid of the synthetic hearts these guys play with an insert some real heart.. They don't want to play they could care less how the team is doing or if they are winning or losing.. They hug and kiss each other before the game then they throw punk punches at scrubs I am sorry the less athletic guys (white guys) while shooting jumpers. Sports media is afraid to say it but Kobe has been called twice for this and both happen to be less afltetic guys.. And it takes effort since not a whole lotta them ever see the floor.. Bring back the ugly pistons or something at least they punched you in the face .. This respect love crap these players give each other is sick.. Everyone is always taking about representin and keeping it real and all the other B.S. Why don't you show some respec for yourself and quit putting Tat's on yourself like your peddling crack buddies and wearing "bling" that no can afford unless it is stolen or they are selling rock on the street.. I could say trade this guy or trade that guy. I say screw them all don't give anyone a guaranteed contract.. The T.V. ratings are plummeting attendance is going down the toilet blow this league up and make this guys earn back people by playing hard playing to win and please make the games and the playoffs count.. On a side not Mike James congratulations on winning the lottery.. Troy Hudson should thank you.. You have made the worst guard in the league appear to have value since you are so horrible.. You should pay to play in the NBA..

Weight/Running
I can't hit my target of 22X but I just keep trying.. I feel great and I believe I can sustain what I am doing.. I ran a 5k on the treadmill in under 30 minutes which is a miracle for me.. I am still struggling with being happy most of the time but we all have our cross to bare..

Movies
I am ashamed by the last two I saw.. Ghost Rider and Wild Hogs.. I would not was one minute watching either of these movies.. Of course I enjoyed watching Ghost Rider with D since he thought "it rocked" in his words.. But it was really a lame movie.. Wild Hogs was insulting the production value was like the dukes of hazards in the 80's with the fake grass and scenery it was embarrassing and insulting.. I will give both of these movies a .5 baldies out of 4.. Don't see them.

Quick Story
Big heavy women got on the bus(you could tell she was heavy I could hear the VHHH SHSHS noise of here poly's pants rubbing even with my ipod on.) She has two kids in front of hear that look to be two cigarette burns short of crying and they decide to jump on my seat and wipe the snow off their boots on my arm.. She yelled to the 2 year old "Damn it chartruce get your ass off that man's seat" I smiled and and she yelled what you looking at.. I pulled the chord for the next stop and got off the bus.. I don't think the life ahead is going to be real fun for chartruce..

Help Needed
For a lot of good reasons.. (I don't want to hear bashing..) We are going to be getting a dog this year.. Does anyone have any good suggestions.. Breed to buy or people you know who sell those breeds..

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Still Happy Dang it

I will make this short since I am still struggling with the whole happy thing..
Bobby Day
I am the opposite of the real coach.. C's team ending up placing fourth in our league and winning 50% of the games.. The kids all started playing better towards the end of the year and really started to enjoy the game.. So mission accomplished on my part.. I may or may not coach year depending on how C feels about me coaching. I have hard time not putting pressure on him and I would hate to wreck his experience.. I still can't believe how competitive I am I have to fight with my will to win every second of every game so that I make sure I don't let the real heavyD out..
Movies
I have watched so many since they have movies on demand on the flights to Europe.. So I will just run some of them down..
Illusionist.. 2.75 baldies out of 4.. Ed Norton is just solid... nothing earth shattering but an interesting storyline.
World Fastest Indian.. 2.5 baldies.. Well done simple story..
Football movie with the Rock. .5 baldies done 20 times before nothing new and poor acting
Timber wolves
I am really closer than before on completely losing any interest in them or the NBA.. Nothing interests me any more about this league and the wolves are a perfect example. We have street thugs with amazing physical abilities that could care less about playing hard or playing at all if it didn't make them millions of dollars.. Blow up the whole idea of the NBA you have failed to take this league into the next century.. To many games too few talented players and you have lost the game of basketball as we know it.. If the players don't care about themselves or the game then why should we.. The same players on the same team that was in the worst pro sport incidents in Detroit are caught shooting guns at a strip club at 3AM they have not learned.. If I was an owner I would lock these players out.. Let them all play over seas and pay the college kids to play hoops with a salary cap that is equal to the effort they are giving on defense each.. For instance Rick Davis would only be payed for 3 games this year.. THUD would be paying glen taylor still.. And Mike James would be filing for bankruptcy,, And KG would have to have one diamond the size of an orange instead of two.. Yeah I know I feel this way because the tiberwolves are a terrible team but I do think this is the worst NBA season I have watched or not watched in 30 years..

Weight
Extremely happy although I still haven't dropped below 230 yet but I am actually getting into pretty good aerobic shape.. If only I could lose some head circumference.. I am able to run 3 miles pretty easy and I am now just trying to get my time down.. I am struggling with my ipod since running with it is making the disk fail.. I have to come up with a better solution. If you don't have a treadmill it is truly the truth serum for people that say they are trying to work.. There is no excuse for not working out running or walking.. It is always there all you have to do is get on it instead of watching TV.. If you are lazy like me it couldn't be better since I workout and watch tivo at the same time.. So it does not affect whatever "schedule" I have in my life..
I will post more.. Sorry HEAVYDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

No Anger No Bitterness No Blog

Okay something new and boring..
I read the Post Office by Charles Bukowksi… IJ read it since Bukowksi is referenced in a Dan Bern song.. I read it because the book looked small and IJ said it was written so that a 3rd grader could comprehend it..( A bit of stretch but I thought I will give it a shot) So I got my dictionary ready and started reading.. In short this is a book about a drunken loser that gets through life by drinking and doing work that he absolutely despises.. I think Bern and I are on the same page this book is gutteral and simple like me and for whatever reason I just enjoyed this book for what it was.. I gave it 3 baldies and would recommend it to simpletons like me. BS you can read it to all the wrestling Dads on your long weekend trips..
Why I struggle with Wrestling.
All of this opinions below are solely my opinion that have no basis on fact but on my own feelings. My son C is really getting into wrestling and it really bothers me.. Sure as my son I want him to do things that he enjoys but Wrestling just makes really uncomfortable. I don't think they should allow kids whose parents who have never wrestled before in wrestling. Yeah I know that sounds like I am out of my mind but I mean that.. Wrestling just has so many stigmas that are not positive.. Yeah they have shirts that say this but they are really true.. You play football or Play Hoops or Play Hockey There is no play in wrestling not one bit. Almost everything that is attached to wrestling is true. They really smell yes when you sweat yourself through for hours at a time in an enclosed place it smell like ass and eventually you smell like the other wrestlers who wash there clothes in pig urine at home since you are swapping 20% of your body weight in fluids every night with the guys around you.. Wrestling hurts most of the time the holds in wrestling are designed to inflict pain or go against a joint so that you will relent and roll over.. Sort of like being married.. Well not quite like that.. You don't look cool in wrestling.. You look like homo out there.. Wrestlers know that.. there is no way around it you have to wear these clothes it is all part of it.. It is not like wrestlers go yeah I want to wear the singlet that looks like I am ready to take a dip in pool in the 1920's.. Basically you are wearing an oversized jock that pins your junk to your body so you look like you got nothing going down there.. The side benefit is that you can always tell who is gentile.. No too much information.. Wrestling is a second hand citizen sport.. Yeah I have heard it all before it is the most natural sport we have .. it was in the first Olympics.. Again I don't care.. You take anybody to wrestling match and the first question almost always is why would you want to do that.. I have no answer.. When you’re a winner in wrestling it gives you machismo or self confidence much like men in Latin America who have 14 children.. But it is really only to you.. No one else cares how good you are.. I am an excellent sleeper congratulations knock yourself out no cares if you sleep well. It is barbaric.. It helps to be dumb.. Both of these "skills" I have. I really enjoyed watching my family wrestle growing up but I can honestly say somewhere down the line it stopped being fun for me and it weirdly coincided with me getting to be a better wrestler.. Again congrats again no one cares if you wrestle.. When wrestling in a room without people it can be fun but you really don't want to be on display while doing it.. Sort of like riding my scooter.. Again when you say you like to wrestle in a room with a man with no people around it just doesn't sound good hard to put a positive spin on wrestling with a man. I will blog more on this but I just had to get some of this out.. C is wrestling this weekend and I will cheer for him to do well but it is really a road that I hope he enjoys because it is not the road I would choose.. Just my thoughts


Big dumb Heavy Out..

Where have I been

No Blogging.. Maybe I put on weight.. Maybe I am depressed.. Maybe I lost my job..  Those would all be good topics but none of those things happened to me. I have acquired herpes gladitorium and decided to take 8 days off to make sure my wounds have healed before I blogged. Actually I have been pretty busy at life and work but here goes.. A quick update on some items.. 

My son's basketball team is approaching  .500 and we are on a torrid 2 game winning streak.  I think this will be my last year coaching hoops I love it but I don't think I am cut out for it.. I had the team running lines (I ran them with them) to get them really tired so they could practice shooting and passing when they where tired.. The weird part is it really worked they where too tired to goof around and they listened during the teaching periods of practice. I missed a few games when I was in Germany and I actually think they played better when I was gone. I think I can teach ok but the kids feel a little too much pressure when I am on the bench during games. I wonder what these kids would think if I really didn't hold my self back..

I think I am in better shape than I have been in the last 10 years.. I am now to the point that when I measure my heartrate when  I step on the treadmill I am not at my target rate for my age..  I can jog three miles ok on the treadmill but would prefer to run outside since I seem to run so slow on the treadmill. Still can't break in the 220's  I think I need to run more and eat less to get there but due to the weather I am ok with it for now..

I just want to clear this up a few weeks ago I thought I felt like I lived through our first earth quake in RF but it turns out that 1.25 just fell of his roof. The good news is he is ok now and he now has an area hollowed out in front of his house for a pool.

Vikings
"We got him" we have been waiting for this coach from the colts to win the super bowl so that he be our substitute defensive coordinator. I think this guy will be fine since Childress said he is going to leave the defense alone and concentrate on the kick ass offense he created last year.  Being Vikings idiot I will somehow get excited about them being good for next year but unless they get a new play caller this team is going to be pretty boring whether they win or lose..

Wolves
Wow the big heavy is slowly losing his NBA vive.. I just can't stand the lack of effort in the NBA right now and I know most of it is because the wolves are simply waiting for the season to end but I just don't see the effort for these players at all right now.. I wish there was a away to cut back on the number of games played and give these teams something to play for.. Wittman is a decent coach but how you can you tell with this team they have no heart they have no pride they no winners on this team. If you have ever heard Mike James interviewed you will know why this team is a mess.. Mike James is insane he thinks the whole world is out to get NBA players and everyone is trying to keep him down.. I wish these guys would lose there bobos and have some real friends with real jobs If I had a friend that was in the NBA I would inform them how lucky they are to be making 5 million a year playing a game and if they pulled this feeling sorry for yourself or the man is out to get you.. That signing has been worth than Sam Cassel he is horrible player with a horrible attitude and all around thug..

Twins
Can't wait for the season to start.. I have high hopes.. But it is just to early to get fired up about baseball when it is 10 below 0..

Movies
SweetLand One of my favorite small movies of the year.. If you are like me from a Scand avian upbringing in the Midwest this movie is a must see.. It just gives you some insight on what it was like for great grandparents when they came to America..

The scenery (it was shot in Minnesota) was worth it for me alone.. The acting was subtle but it just reflected the time perfectly..

I am not saying this is the greatest movies of all time but it was a really nice small film.. 3.5 baldies out of 4.

Life
My uncle died this last week.. I really don't need to go into the details but I was fortunate enough to be able to help my parents go to the funeral in small town in Wisconsin. The warmth that all of my Uncles family surrounded the people that came down to the funeral was amazing. You can do a lot of things right or wrong in your life but in the end it is really about the impact you have on the people's life around you and all the people in my Uncle life couldn't be doing better. I was proud to say that I was his nephew..  By the way my Mom's knee is doing great she is walking with here new Knee better than here old one already.. My dad is struggling with his wrist that looks to have some nerve damage as well. But the doctors believe this can be resolved by taking out to the plates and pins but it requires yet another surgery..(I am such a dumbass for going up that hill)  Just a quick observation on my family when they are all together.. I don't believe any of my uncles way more than 150 lbs and I none of them are as tall as my wife.. My cousins all have hair are thin and are in general very small people. I love being referred to as the large freakish looking cousin that looks like mr. clean. I get the ohh…. you must have been the football player.. I wanted to return with ohh you must been the jockey but I didn't.. Again another situation where I stuck out like Muslim at a notre dame football game.

I went with privileged FT to watch the mighty Hopkins Royals play against Cretin last night.. I love high school hoops and they both have some great athletes.. I was very impressed with this wide receiver from Cretin that is being recruited by all the real colleges like USC and Notre Dame he is very athletic when he shot his jumper he looked like he was three feet off the ground.. The one gopher recruite that kid that shot that three from his butt a few years ago scored like 30 but he is not a great athlete he can shoot but he is pretty slow and I never same him really give you the impression that he could create his own shot..  The one humorous item was when one of FT's limizone hippie friends told the waiter to take back his styrofoam containter and bring him some aluminium foil for the environment and all.. 

I know this is boring but it is what it is I am out..

. 

I wish I was angry

I was basically working or eating last week and did not have any time to create a post.. Ok some quick impressions I have to give my company serious props on flying business class to Germany.. If you have not flown International business class it is pretty great you set in this comfortable lazy boy that massages you and adjusts to your every move… That and the stewardess are waiting on you hand and foot with Wine or Nuts or cheese or whatever it really makes the trip relaxing.. You also get a little movie screen and headphones that has your choice of 5 movies to watch.. So I wish I could complain but there is no way to find fault it was very nice.. The Germans love to drink and eat and all of the restaurants in Dusseldorf where just right up my alley.. The food was not only different but it just tasted it right.. German women are very tall… The men from all over Europe are metro sexual lots of lime green ties and thin Italian shoes.. I can bore you with the details but if you are ever in Germany you will probably really enjoy yourself drink the local bear and always order prawn..

First Some Movies
Departed..
This film was just as I suspected it was well done well acted well shot.. But all that being said It just didn't blow me away I watched it twice because I thought it was that I was just dumb and didn't get it.. I am still dumb but the story line just seemed very predictable (the first time) I liked the violence which was very realistic but I am just no sure I bought Matt Damon I know he is from Boston but it seemed like he was faking his native accent or going to far over the top.. I though Leonardo Dicaprico was very good but and Jack Nicolson was great.. It is a definite watch and I enjoyed the movie.. I guess I just wanted more considering the director and the actors.. 3 out of 4 baldies..

GridIron Gang
The Rock coaches football to kids living in a group home.. This wasn't horrible it is what it was.. My dad taught to these types of kids for years growing up so I really don't think they where breaking new ground for me.. The movie had the usual dumb ass elements A fat kid a dorky kid a kid with a new baby a kid that is a hero and the coach who has this defining moment to impress his father and dying mother. Predictable lame story with horrible writing and B acting but it made me feel something either that or I had gas on the plane.. I will give it 1.5 baldies..

Twolves.
They fired Casey because he was not a tactician and was inexperienced coaching in clutch situations… Rewind to when they hired this guy.. He has new ideas and a great work ethic.. Forget the coach and fire McHale this team is going nowhere for another decade.. Thanks McFail.

Vikings
Lost there best coach… But hey they have a kick ass offense.. Hopefully we will get an O coordinator and D-Coordinator soon.. Oh yeah and maybe get a guy that can catch..

The Weight
All is well gained 2lbs but ran three miles last night so back on track..

That's me I am out
HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVYD

Der übergewichtige Liebhaber heavyd

I have never traveled overseas and to be honest I am little worried about it. Here is my concern I speak only one language and as I have shown throughout the year I struggle with writing it. I have been given the address for my hotel and I would be lying if I said that I could pronounce it.. So if my plane is diverted and I am stuck in a country where a shrek like character is not welcome it might be a long time before I sign up to be on an international team. I really wish I could be an old guy like the one that is know going out of his way to sit by me on the bus.. Apparently I must give of this vibe to old people that I am a close minded conservative.. I can understand them thinking that I am close-minded since I look like a Cro-Magnon man but the other part is not true I am pretty liberal on some issues.. So let me set the table on this before I talk about our conversation with whom I will call Glen because I really don't know his name. As Glen squeezes into the seat next to me the smell of Ben Gay, Talcum powder, and Old spice is permeating my nostrils which is just strong enough to block the smell of Curry and Ganga from the people in front and back of my seat. Glen starts the conversation as he always does about something that would be offensive to the majority of people riding the bus.. He says did you see that gas prices have dipped below 2 dollars.. I remove my earbuds(listening to MPR) to acknowledge him just because I feel kinda sorry for the old guy.. I say yeah I am sure the oil companies will be struggling to make money now.. He laughs and says and I am thinking he follow this up with a normal conversation today that will not offend people.. He says yeah I only hope that it will bring those "Moauslims" to there knees.. I don't know if glen is hard of hearing or if I am just overly sensitive but I quickly change the topic to the pipeline now being used by the Russians in the Caspian Sea. But now every ear on the bus is pricked waiting for glen's response as I have described on the bus it is full of people from the region where most of our oil is from. Glen ignores my response and says you know there was a plan in the 70's or 80's to go into Saudi Arabia and wipe those "Moaauslims" off the Map so that we could harvest the oil our selves.. This conversation continues with me nodding and Glen describing all of the techniques we should have used to destroy the people that are sitting around us.. Thankfully it is a short ride and no weapons where drawn as Glen and I left the bus at our stop.. As we walk away actually I am walking away from him he says.."Hey the GOP convention is going to be in St. Paul.. I am really looking forward to it.." Yeah me too I say NOT.. Not to be political I will leave that to JLO but why does everything have to be so black and white with people today either you’re a Democrat or Republican.. I don't want to be grouped with Glen and I certainly don't want to be groped with Al Franken so what should I do.. Anyway..

Weight I was 232 this morning and all time low for me.. It is weird I was hitting a plateau but I started to eat just a bit more of healthy things like nuts and salads and it appears to help drop the weight.. The running is going good on the treadmill except that my Veal is not really healed If I run on an incline it cramps up like a charlie horse and I have to stop.. Frustrating but it is what it is.. When it is cold out it is tough to get the 10,000 steps in but I am still getting it done which will be even tougher in a new country.. I ran 3 days at 3 miles a day over the last 6 days as well.
Movie
We are Marshal.. I enjoyed the story they where telling.. The characters lacked depth the acting was nothing great.. I did see this with Son C which always makes it more fun for me but they messed up this could have been a great emotional movie but in the end they made you cry and I am not sure they made you cheer..
I would give it 2 baldies..

12 hours of travel should make for some angry moments..

I am still struggling with the whole life is good right now.. not sure what to do..

Career Change

I have decided to accept the position as Chief Executive Officer of 3M.

I believe my experience working in the IT industry has prepared me for this position and I feel these skills will allow me to be successful and take this company to the next level. I know that there maybe doubters out there since I have never held the position of CEO in the past and I have never held the position of President or Vice president in fact I have never even held a position beyond an individual contributor. In fact I have been taking lateral position moves since I started my career but I have been individual contributor to some of the best people in business. But hey I am a great salesmen I was able to interview applicants from around the state and if I paid them more than other companies would offer I almost always got the guy I wanted..I am going to use those skills as a salesmen to run this organization. I would like to quote some of the people that I have worked with in the past. B.S. "Heavy was always being groomed for a position like this he has been taking lateral moves for the better part of a decade to develop the skills required and waiting for the right opportunity. I am sure heavy was offered jobs in excess of a million dollars annually but he refused them so he could wait for the right opportunity. M5 "He is a hard worker and a really nice guy you are lucky to have him, What position is he taking? Yeah I always thought he would be a great janitor oh I mean CEO what does CEO stand for again..



What a line of Bullshit we are being forced to eat with this hiring by the Maturi.. Apparently he consulted with McFail on this move and it will be announced today that to facilitate the process of hiring the tightend coach from Denver. McFail, being the good alum that he Kevin is offering to give the Nuggets our first round pick in 2008 so that we can get the guy everyone wanted.. This is unbelievable I am not joking I am going to try and groom my kids to be a football coach. This guy would be considered a glorified salesmen in the business industry and he is being elevated to the head of a multi million dollar organization with a million dollar a year salary.. He was to be the opposite of Mason but this is insane at least Mason had some credentials to make us believe he could be a coach and or a leader at any level. This guy will have to try and hire coaches underneath him that are more qualified to be a head coach than he is. Why do we as Minnesota fans get so delusional.. I thought man we are getting a new stadium we are getting rid of a coach that is just collecting a pay check.. We are going to be come a big time program.. No we are not.. We are complete joke we will always be a joke. Then to top it off the media is trying to sell this guy to themselves and us.. No one in a Major College would have ever hired this guy without him showing him that he had leadership skills at any level.. This guy recruited Vince Young to Texas.. Wow quite an accomplishment if you could 1.25 to eat a salad it would be more of an accomplishment. The reality is no one wanted to come here and this is just confirming it we hired a career tight end coach.. Say that again to yourself since it is the highest position this person has had.. He has coached a single position for a decade he has not moved up once.. He has not recruited for 6 years. Think of that when you hear the B.S for the next 9 months.. Maybe he can say he is on the 20 year plan that Mason was on so we should be good when I have grandchildren then.. So thank you Maturi.. We got our guy.. Oh yeah and Flip is coming here too..
Weight is great.. I finally ran 3 miles in under 30 minutes.. Leaving for Germany on Saturday… Posts to follow..

I am heavy and Angry.. I am out..

How not to be coach 101

I coached my second game ever on Saturday.. I love the game but never really got to experience what makes basketball so difficult to play. When you are watching the game it is simple to watch since the rules are pretty clear take the big ball and put it in the hoop more than the other team.. Simple hunh... not so even at this level this level.. Football has the one thing that makes me it difficult you have to have no fear to play this game properly (Being Dumb is another way of describing it).. In Baseball you have to have hand eye coordination that are beyond belief to truly be successful.. But both games don't require you to be fluid as an athlete.. Between pitches you collect your self and you prepare for the next pitch.. In Football you huddle between each play and you can gather yourself to change what your are doing both sports are bursts of 2-10 seconds max.. Hoops is all about sustaining flow and rhythm of the game switching between offense and defense switching from defending the ball to denying the ball to boxing out and changing to each of these states throughout each possession.. And the tough part of trying to be good it is just so hard you have to sustain that for minutes at a time instead of seconds.. Ok this is not rocket science since Shaq can play this game.. wait even I can play this game.. No I said well..

So once again we are matched up with another team that has two kids that are a good six inches taller than anybody on our team.. And of course all of my kids notice that and no one want to play against the biggest kid who just so happens to be one of the few African American kids in our little town. I am just trying to get my kids excited about playing hoops since they got killed the last time we played.. I was going to talk to the other coach before the game about how there team but she decided to be doing some quite different than most of the coaches I have ever seen coach.. She was nursing her 3 year old child before the game.. (Not much to say here other than it was a wee uncomforatable) The game was great the kids played so hard.. They run some nice screen plays the had some good passes but most of all they are getting just a little better each game. I just have to add this just because it happens and I am not sure if there is a good fix for it or it will change in time.. But here is the situation I live in an area that is primarily middle class white people which makes us all very ware of any ethnicity in fact I might be the only Irish men in town.. But the big kid who I mentioned before was very aggressive which I love in all sports but it created some problems did I mention that his Mom was the coach.. (She can be summed up as person that still lights a candle every calendar year to mark the passing of Wellstone.. Anyway you would think this would be the person who be the "We are all Winners" kind of coach.. No she isn't she is pretty tough on the kids and is doing her best to substitute her kids so that her best kids get just enough time to give the team a chance at winning..) But what brings up the ethnicity issue is that this kid is pretty much hacking the other kids at the end of the game and the high school kids are afraid to call fouls on him for a multitude of reasons that really are too complicated for me to describe in one post but my son basically gets run over with 30 seconds left to play and the crowd starts to say something but they hold back much for the same reason the kids calling the game don't call the foul to start with.. Well the parents behind me think I am pretty energetic but really I am at about 5 on the my game ready emotional control knob. When this happens to my smallest kid again with 15 seconds to go I look like I have been out in the sun for 6 days.. The big heavy is about too lose it but for whatever reason I hold back and just turn a different shade of purple. I call a timeout to settle myself down more than my kids.. Just a side note I look over at my son C in the timeout and he looks green he is so nervous he can hardly take it.. (I say hey C just have fun out there he looks at the scoreboard looks at his Dad who is the color of Barney and says yeah I will try.. )

But the game is tied and we go into overtime To make long story short yeah right I pull my two best players for the 1.5 of the last two minutes of the game and sub them in for the last 30 seconds so that all of the kids would equal minutes and to prove to the other kids that they could win with whoever was on the court with them.. So to win the game I had C who if all else fails is fearless set a "moving" screen on the big kid and the other kid drove to the basket and C's team ending up winning the game.. It was like they had one the National Championship.. (I thought it was better than a national championship since we had two kids who scored there first hoops ever and this was the first basketball game most of this kids had ever won. ..) I have to turn my exictometer down to about a 1 for the next but this coach has a lot to learn as well.. If I die trying to hold back the anger it was a nice run.. I started this as kind of a good thing to do for my son and the community but I really enjoy it..

Running
I tried to run two 10 minute miles on the treadmill on Saturday but my Veal locked up at 1.3 miles and I had to walk/limp the rest of the way I don't think my feet or my heart can take it at this point I am still way out of shape.. I did run 3 12 minute miles on Sunday which was pretty easy for me.. B.S my hear rate was about 157-165 is that too much or can you push that further.. On the weekends I had a little bit too much pizza so the weight was a steady 238.5 damn this last 20 lb's is going to be tough I think I am going to have to get to a fast three miles or a slow 5 to get my weight to keep coming off..

Vikings..
I am going to do an end of the year grade for all the positions this week.. but don't have the time today.. I would like some good comments on the vikings season..

Wolves.
They have no big guys but they have some talent if Casey can get them to keep playing some defense.. I could not coach Rick Davis he has the ability of a very solid player he is just so inconstant but he is only 26.. .. I hear that McCants might be back by February that does give this team some hope..


Running Heavy
Fatrosexual out..

2006 It is what it is

Jake the year was 1987 on that picture.
A little treat for the new year everyone the blog now has its own domain if you like go to http://fatrosexual.com

I thought my blog has been a bit too orderly I will be doing a lot more rambling since it is easier for me and doesn't wreck my flow..

I really don't know what a flow is but it is what it is..
By the way I hate when people in there 80's try and use something like that the owner for the dolphins said that in his press conference well Nick Saban is leaving and "It is what it is".. It made me miss Randy "super bowl homeboy"

Another new year.. A time to reflect and think about what happened in 2006. Let's see what really important happened. Oh I started a new job.. Ok.. That is it for me on 2006. On to the more important items of 2006.. I would like everyone to join in on this post if possible. My favorite movie of the year was little miss sunshine. My favorite sports moment was the Twins winning the division on the last day of the season. My artist of the year of was Bruce. My favorite tv show was Heroes..(Is anybody else sick of Lost at this point.)
2006 was the year of the ipod for me.. They should call the ipod the companion it with me wherever I go. It is so great when I am on the road or traveling I can listen to any music that I need for that day as well as look at the pictures of my family. Also the latest addition is suduko on the ipod (thank IJ) it just makes me use it more and more..
I am all over the place today and well everyday my Mom had knee replacement surgery.. Everything went well and I am so relieved.. although I am a little disappointed that they still don't have the ability to replace hamstrings or calfs at this point.. (BS you should look into the hammy's when they do).. And again another year without the technology to grow hair on my head as the afro continues to flourish on my ass..



The rest of this will be sports so please skip..
The Vikings
Take a deep breath relax and reflect big heavy I have never been more frustrated with them. Before I start trashing them let me first say I think the organization is much better off than it ever has been.. I like almost every move that they made this year in this regime.. Including cutting robinson.. They said Dante would not be the same and probably would not play this year.. He didn't really play this year so good call.. Starting the season with a quarterback that can't throw more than 5 yards might limit the offense a wee bit. Did you see size of the QB from LSU wow he looks like Dante's big brother 6'6 and at least 290 wow what a cannon of an arm.. I bet the pretty boy from ND appreciated playing against him on his final game before the draft.. They signed Hutchinson for being a great blocker and provide a foundation for an offense.. I read a quote from the Seattle people that said hutch was the leader in the locker-room last year I like that idea a little better than Randy Moss was at Oakland this year.. (Still miss watching 84 though) Chester Taylor was a steal he is a quality running back that should give the vikes a solid running game for the next few years.. It would be nice if they could at least get the safeties more than a yard from the line of scrimmage though.. Losing Koren Robinson this year killed the Vikings.. They did the right thing buy letting this crook go but they had no one else to go through.. If they are able to find a good #1 receiver that will take the pressure of Williamson and he should be able to adjust and become a 3rd receiver with another year of coaching.. I hope the vikes will look at getting a playmaker in the draft.. I don't care what position they just need some homerun threat on this team.. If they draft a slow injury prone white guy from Iowa I will go insane.. Zone blocking is a dumb idea with the talent they have on this line they should not do it.. This is sort of my problem with the coaching strategy of this "system".. Or septic system.. Good coaches adapt there "system" to match the talent they have the same way you make adjustments during a game wait a minute we don't make adjustments during a game. I would sign the defensive coordinator to a long term deal and give him the joe smith nod that if things don't work out with Chilly you would be the next in line here.. The vikes had 3 really bad 1st rounders in the last few years Erasmus James a whole lotta nothin.. Kenichi Nosacki started all the games for the vikings and registered 0 sack not even a 1/2.. And williamson when a guy didn't get thrown to in college there probably was a reason I wouldn't take him with the 7th pick in the draft.. There is an interesting item in the stats this year that can be read a lot of different ways.. The vikings STARTED 7 rookies this year as some point and that did not include the 1st round draft choice.. That can be read like WOW what a great draft.. Or wow the guys they had from last year where horrible that rookies outplayed… Or your coach is an arrogant prick that thinks that everything he does is a system and is perfect so all of the guys I had drafted must be better than what we had before.. I think it is a little bit of all three.. The Vikes defense really needs an outside pass rusher another good corner and maybe a better cover safety to be good to very good next year.. The offense needs a new play caller to start off with.. Chilly does not have the creative mind and the mental capacity to be a head coach and play caller.. Much like the author of this blog you need to keep it simple your dumb just get over it.. They need to get a chester taylor like wide receiver that forces teams to double cover him.. They also need to cut bait on the TE we have they just are not quick enough to get open.. Any upgrade on the right side of the line would even out this offense as well..
So all that being said the vikes are on the right path I think Chilly is too full of himself and sounds like Wilf is going to get more involved. I will bet that some of his power is taken away from him.. That last game showed the organization and the coach that if players don't believe in the coach or the system your are going to have a Detroit thing going here.. I like the off-season as viking fan it doesn't have the weekly games to keep reminding of the reality of how boring this team is to watch..
Wolves.. Foye is going to be a solid player in this league.. But it is a little too late for the wolves they will finally get a guard and have no big man.. A week or so I listened to Mike James on KFAN he is an idiot thug.. He was angry at the man and kept saying that everyone is against him and all the players in the NBA… Even thought the questions where just easy softball questions from Chad Hartman.. He is a bust in a month he will be getting less time than Marko… I just have to say that I really like Peterson calling the games.. He has it right the wolves need to be more professional and start being consistent and play with the same team for a few years and they will be an ok team.. There is no quick fix for this team.. They need to get rid of THUD and Porno and James for anything they can get.. McCants was on last night he was very professional and seemed bright and honest.. I hope he can play this year.. I really like Trenton Hassell that guy has to defend everyone from dirk to tony parker.. What an athlete to be able to do that at 6'7' is insane..
Gotta stop.. By the way I am going to be in Germany at the end of Germany Jan 22 should have some nice posts..
I ran three miles on Thursday 3 miles on Friday 2 on Sunday and 3 on Tuesday.. I am doing the treadmill thing with a heart rate monitor to determine my pace.. It is weird each time I run I can go a little faster with my heart at the same rate.. The weight is doing great..The stomach flu yesterday..

I hated Monson and Mason I will post on them later..
Is everyone board with the blog?? I am just not posting as much since I am in a good mood I have hard living this way let alone talking about it..

That is me I am heavy and I am out..

Something New for 2007

Hint remeber the post on tis the season..
.com
links will change

Fight Gravity

I just wanted to a quick post on this.. I changed the look and feel and I added pic to give you an idea of what gravity and double cheeseburgers have done to heavyd.. Ouch I used to wonder why my kids didn't look like me they look like the old me thank goodness.. Ohh I was still dumb and all but at least I didn't frighten people. Hey I ate lunch with BS and M5 today.. It was a good lunch it was nice to not want to be M5 for once.. It even looked BS actually was happy he wasn't single loaded and still had hair.. I think that is why B.S. likes to hang out with me he looks at my bald head I look at his and we both think we look better than each other so that works for me..
I just talked to the wonderthompsontwins today.. Activate shape of a hoover damn Activate shape of a Grizzly bear.. No that is dumb and no one is going to get it.. I do and it made me laugh so it is staying.. It looks like they are going to tackle the weight demon together this year.. I hope all goes well. I hear you fellas I am with you.. If you care this is the only thing I can seem to stick with. Eat something good for breakfast everyday no matter what I believe you need it to get your metabolism rolling ( I have old fashioned oat meal it fills you up for the whole day I don't skimp at all I just don't have any sugar on it either. . Track it make sure you do 10,000 step everyday.. I have been just getting up every hour or so and do a lap get some water or tea( I drink a ton of tea to get as much water as I can in a day.. It also is cheap and fills my caffeine urge.. I have one pop in the morning and1- 2 at night,,, that is a huge deal for me).. Then eat a normal lunch quality soups at the café here are good and cheap as well. ( I try and walk at least a mile at lunch everyday it is quick I don't get swass and it helps make my workouts at night simple since I have my steps in during the day. Then at night my wife does not make anything special for me or anything (It helps that our entire household does not really eat any processed food) Pretty simple you just don't eat anything white (we use whole wheat bread,pasta,rice,tortilla and whatever. Then the toughest item of all is no food after 7:00 or 7:30.. This is the hardest so far I have only struggled with this on the holidays and popcorn at the movies.. I can't remember where I saw this but it really works for me as well.. It reminds me of wrestling you need to have measuring stick on a daily basis I weigh myself everyday.. I know it is tough when I know it isn't going to be good that day or whatever but it reminds you of where you are and where you are going and it also give you some feedback when you succeed.. It is a key for me.. When I am putting on the pounds I never weigh myself.. So after the holidays I jumped on the scale and it reminded hey fatass you are going to have to cut back you just put on a couple that night.. Anyway that is my two cents.. Holler if you need anything the bigs need to stay together..

Ok..
I need to take the whole thing a little farther so I am going to start posting my miles ran in here each day.. They are for me and me alone.. I have a goal of being able to run 10 miles in the near future but I need to start somewhere.. By the way it is so much easier running now.. I just need to stick with it.. I ran 3 miles nonstop Tuesday… My legs are killing me but I did it.. Soon I am going to time it.. I have a question for B.S. is speed important to conditioning.. Here is my question should I try and run 3 miles in thirty minutes first or when should I try for 4 or 5 for that matter.. What will condition me better,faster?

Have a great new year..
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Tis the Season

What a week.. It is so frustrating being so dumb but at least I am consistent.. Where do I start should I discuss my trip to San Francisco.. Should I describe the abomination at Lambeau field.. How about the Christmas holiday.. How about the Wolves mailing it in this season. Oh maybe I should talk about all the free agents the Twins have signed.. Oh ok lets talk about how well the Gopher basketball team is playing in the barn. How about my battle with food.. Tis the season I will ramble on them all or maybe some whatever spills out..

Travel for me requires a ton of planning first I have to have some dvd's prepped for use during the flight then pack a toothbrush and deodorant no blow drier required..(too easy). I usually try and pick a movie that isn't too wussy but not too violent either since there might be kid nearby or whatever.. The nice thing about going to the city by the gay is really you can be a fatrosexual and nobody is the wiser.. Now I didn't want to go over board and watch a "life is beautiful " movie and everybody wonder why the bald freak is whimpering and sobbing during the flight.. (It usually happens later when I watch the ruling class in front of me cutting there steaks while I am asked to purchased peanuts for 5 dollars.) So I decide on the family stone which was ok for a fatrosexual.. I would give it to 2 baldies for an easy rental.. Just a little note to all of the heavy fliers out there do not pay the premium price to sit in the exit row it is a huge mistake.. They might as well sell ad space to those rows "ladies and gentlemen the exit rows today will be sponsored by Lane Bryant".. The seats smell like cheap perfume talcum powder, preparation H and a hint of summers breeze.. Ok anyway I pushed my way to the back of the plane where I was hoping to have a seat next to some little grandma or a hottie on her way back to home.. Nope not heavyD that never happens I am seated in a three seat section with a couple and there 2 year old.. I breathed a sigh and decided this would be good test of my patience.. On a good note the feedbag of weight that I have lost really makes a difference on the plane, my knees didn't push up against the back of the seat in front of me.. (I must have been carrying a wee bit of back fat) Anyway the kid was great the entire trip.. But Dad with the fire Tats on his arm decided that it was ok to go on a four hour plane ride with nothing to do except stare at the acne on the side of Heavy's head.. Eventually I pulled out the mags I brought along and said would you like to read this so he would stop looking at me.. (i thought about beating him into coma but I held off) Good move now he thinks I am hitting on him ... it doesn't help that he sees me watching the family stone.. As he tries to avoid looking at me the rest of the trip I catalog this in my wee brain.. Hmm act gay on the plane and you will have plenty of personal space.. (Not a bad trade off)
Let me sum up the gay area.. The area and the people are the same they look good from the outside but most of it is fake.. The weather is great the ocean is beautiful the city was amazing it is just so crowded and the driving is insane.. I spent 45 minutes going 4 miles on the 101 I couldn't take it.. Give me the people in the Midwest real people not real good looking but at least they are real.. I hope the cold weather keeps the Californians out..

The Vikes
Short and sweet and sour oops sorry it is getting close to lunch.. The vikes are doing all the right moves from a front office perspective signing the guys they want to long term deals and getting rid of the questionable players.. (other than Fatkinney man he is playing poorly). The vikes need to get some freaks to make them a good team.. They need a freak for a pass rusher that puts pressure on without blizting..They need a wide reciever that can 1 can get open and 2 catch the damn ball.. We will have to go a year or two with the necklace clad youngster before they will be a decent team but we need a 1 receiver.. The game at green bay just highlights the point that they hammered in this young guy to not throw picks but really when you look at the game the receivers where just not getting open.. Now a lot of that goes to the horrible play calling but this is the worst receiving core we have had in the last two decades.. Green Bay-- good luck with that team.. Sure I would have liked to win that game but the way the Vikes or Green Bay is playing getting in the playoffs is going to just be ugly.. My off-season prediction is that the Childress will be getting an offensive coordinator in here.. He will be a good head coach but he is just too predictable to be a play caller..

Ok. I will save more to post tomorrow..
Only put on two lbs over the holiday.. Not bad..
Fatrosexual out..

Holiday Tradition

I thought I would change the whole feel of this blog and spin an old Christmas yarn..
I'm very scared for this world
I'm very scared for me
Eviscerate your memory
Here's a scene
You're in the back seat laying down
The windows wrap around
To sound of the travel and the engine
All you hear is time stand still in travel
And feel such peace and absolute
The stillness still that doesn't end
But slowly drifts into sleep
The stars are the greatest thing you've ever seen
And they're there for you
For you alone you are the everything
I think about this world a lot and I cry And I've seen the films and the eyes
But I'm in this kitchen
Everything is beautiful
And she is so beautiful
She is so young and old
I look at her and I see the beauty Of the light of music
The voices talking somewhere in the house
Late spring and you're drifting off to sleep
With your teeth in your mouth
You are here with me
You are here with me
You have been here and you are everything
Sometimes I feel like I can't even sing I'm very scared for this world
I'm very scared for me
Eviscerate your memory
Here's a sceneYou're in the back seat laying down
The windows wrap around
To sound of the travel and the engine
All you hear is time stand still in travel
And feel such peace and absolute
The stillness still that doesn't endBut slowly drifts into sleep
The greatest thing you've ever seen
And they're there for you
For you alone you are the everything
For you alone you are the everything

REM old school as solid as it gets.. I can never change this blog it would mean that I give this blog some thought.. No I will continue the same old crap.. I am really having a hard time blogging lately since I really have a hard time being angry about anything.. I have discovered the root of a lot of my anger comes when I am at my heaviest my whole body just aches.. I still have a ton of weight to lose but honestly when you are not in constant pain it helps out the mood a bit.. Anyway back to the same old same old..

We are having family over for the Christmas get together with my wife's side of the family.. Every year my wife asks me if we can host the party of 30 people or so.. I say no and she usually ignores me and has the even anyway.. The reason I do this is when we have people over for a large event like this it means that effectively you have killed Christmas for our house.. This is how the week before the event plays out it is just like clockwork. So my wife comes up with x number of presents that need to be purchased before the party.. (She buys 95% of them) She then comes up with a list of the 150 or so items that need to be completed around the house before it is presentable.. (She has to complete 90% of them) there is not a chance that 10% of these items can be accomplished but I play a long and ask what I can do other than stay out of her way.. 4-5 days from the storm the boys and I are being pummeled with requests from my wife to complete the 5 tasks that we have been assigned we of course are trying to find ways to avoid doing those tasks since it will mean that we will have to do more when they are finished.. Eventually my wife realizes that she will not be able to rip up the carpet and lay down wood floors before the guests arrive.. She notices that I have not completed my assigned tasks in fact I am actually enjoying the holiday season and playing the WII with the kids and that is more than she can take.. She blows up right on queue.. The kids are lucky enough to be able to go to bed early but I have to take my well deserved holiday verbal beating.. At this point it kind of part of the ritual so I am not sure if just out of tradition I am being more lazy than usual so that the beating will come quicker or if I just enjoy it once a year like oyster stew… So as I spackled and painted the kids bathroom upstairs that no one will see I go back down stairs and I apologize for being a piece of crap and she apologizes for getting so edgy and I give her a hug.. In the background I see the huge water stain in the kitchen ceiling from the shower above it has rendered the shower unusable for the last 6 months.. I don't tell my wife there is a pretty good chance the hot water heater is going to fail in the next few days. I know we will have 2-3 of this episodes before the party on Saturday but after while it sort of feels good like we at least have a holiday tradition.. Next year I am going to say NO to this party but we will do it anyway after all it is tradition..



Say No to AI
The original G-- The old school Gangster--- No not now not ever.. AI when he is on the court might be the best per lb player I have seen.. But this guy brought the NBA game to what it is today.. He is a gang banger… He is a thug.. He is uncoachable.. It is one thing to be a joke of basketball operation but operate with some class is something that should be doable.. It just doesn't make any sense we have one big that shoots from 20 feet and we are going to hemorrhage the whole organization to sign a guy who is going to spit in your face before the year is done.. The only way I would do this trade would be to flat cut him and get him out of the NBA and get Thud off of this team.. I would also make a poison pill clause that we would not take AI contract unless Kevin McHale is traded to the Sixers as well.. It would be more of a loaner we would give them McHale for 2 seasons.. I think with what he has learned with the wolves it would only take him 2 years to kill that franchise and leave them with no hope in sight for the next decade.. We could then take him back and have him work with our big guys.. I am going to rant here.. I hated Mcfail as a player but he was one of the best low post players ever to play… Why then as he never developed a low post player here.. He has not drafted or developed one.. I need to stop the anger is coming..


Vikes Rant Tommorow..
Why are we even discussing the playoffs..

239----OUT

PHAT CLEM HASKINS

Good to hear from you JLO.. I get the same jabs as you from various sources.. With the typical you carry your weight well( for fat ass) .. Snicker Snicker.. You have a nice shaped head.. Well what would I do if you said it was a horribly misshapen cranium you can't style bald any different it is what it is.. The only thing that bothers me when HOW does it is the source.. He is a marathon runner and he still looks like a beer drinking Bubba NASCAR Fan.. I don't know what he eats but he manages to be in great shape but looks like one of us.. Anyway no need to rip on HOW anymore it is much to easy.. I hate crowds (people for that matter) so I don't think going on a cruise is good for the big heavy.. I did some research on the banding with your svelte bro for a family member of mine and it really appears to be a safe technique for someone to control eating and still have full digestive function. As I have been struggling with weight loss over the last few months I truly understand a true addiction. It just sucks since the weight kept me from working out and so then I would get frustrated with the lack of weight loss so I would turn to a cheeseburger for comfort which in turn would make it even tougher to work out.. Hence the torn Hamstring the torn veal.. I am old and fat so I had to find something very simple for me so that I could feel like I was getting somewhere.. Hence the 10,000 step death march each day and the simple rule of note eating after 7:00.. All that being said I will always continue to struggle with my true love.. I rip on myself on this blog but all joking aside trying to eat healthy and control eating is the toughest thing I have ever had to do.. I try not to judge anyone for any technique they are trying if it works for them then do it.. I say this since I danced close to the 3 bill bear for sometime and I can tell you that my body actually hurt.. I am trying to not go on and on but man when you carry weight you can't just go start working out.. Your feet,ankles back everything just start failing under the pressure.. Again the vicious circle because when you try cutting back without being more active you don't burn anything and your body won't allow you to loose weight.. I know this is boring but hey it's me and JLO/HOW hit a nerve for me.. So anyway when I talk about my weight in here it is not to do anything more than hold my self accountable for my actions.. I would not recommend it but it is working so far..

Rockheads
Keeping the kids from being boneheads like there father is a difficult task but with my wife's help I hope they will be a little better rounded.. Not round and bald like me but more on the whole life gig.. So since my kids idolize IJ's kid this is a simple task for me.. (I will explain further) IJ family will call them the family VonTrap for this blog since IJ has been known to have his children sing to my cave children.. Well to make a fat story thin, the Vontrap daughter had a choir concert that she was singing in and my kids told us they would love to go where people made that funny sound come out of there mouth.. Well we all had a great time and from what I could tell from my underdeveloped brain and ear could discern the choir was great as well as the smiling Vontrap daughter.. This was yet another occasion where I didn't fit in.. So as the light danced of my protuberance the big heavy's brain was in overdrive examining each person and telling there life stories to me as I tried to distract my self I picked out Horace.. Horace was the only Male Bell player in the Bell band that played between the intermission between the two choirs.. First of all where does person go to play with other Bell players when he is 33 years old .. . Anyway as Horace was clutching the bell to his chest in the rhythm of the music I had to wonder what brought him to this point.. His mom Marge always wanted Horace to be well rounded so she didn't feel guilty by dressing him up in his brown cords and stripped shirt and keds shoes and sending him to his fourth religion class that week at church.. Well it turned out Horace was skipping out ever third day and buying candy at church to give to Brian in the hope that he would stop pulling the short hairs on his neck during choir practice.. Well Marge found out that Horace was skipping church so she signed him up for the bell band as well.. Well fast forward 20 years and 4 different color chords later Horace is still at the same church clutching the same bell he did now .. And Marge wonders why Horace is not showing any interest in girls yet.. IT IS PAINFUL TO BE ME.. AS WELL AS READ TO READ THAT.. IM SORRY for that.. (No I like to share the pain)
My son C says to me as we leave the church.. Dad how come you don't play any instruments Son your dad is a caveman don't be like me.. (By the way you don't have to wear chords to pioneer club at church)


Coaching
I have played a lot of sports poorly but at least I played a lot of them in high school.. The only sport that I still play on a regular basis (not since the veal incident) is hoops.. And to be real honest it is a close second to Football in sports that I watch on a regular basis. It is all sort of ironic that I get asked to coach my son's basketball team. I have never played it in an organized fashion at all I don't know any drills or games or anything other than see ball get ball.. (FT can attest to that) So my wife has been bugging me to volunteer my time to coach or whatever so I take this on to make here happy and I really love the game and I hope I can have some fun with it.. Well the fun got sucked out the first day.. The call me two days before the first clinic for the kids and they tell me we will be announcing the teams and the high school players will be taking the kids through a few drills.. Good I can learn something.. No not true.. The high school kid stands around for ten minutes and then leaves me with my team.. The league president says you have an hour and 40 minutes to work with your kids.. Oh by the way all of the parents will be sitting two feet from the court listening to every bit of crap I can come up with to kill 1:40 minutes.. Well short of them to doing the three-man bear wave I don't know what to do.. I could go on but I will tell you this It is hard to pretend you know anything about basketball.. It was the longest hour and half of my life.. Needless to say I am spending my free time coming up with drills and plays so that I can stay ahead of these kids.. I do like it but the kids keep wondering why I can't make a jump shot.. I tell them I am only doing that so that I can be like Ricky Davis so that I get closer to triple double.. No one gets it.. So fast forward to our first real practice I have a plan for every ten minutes of that practice and the kids have a great time learning the basics of basketball.. I had a great time but as I am leaving one of my good kids says hey coach that was fun but when are we learning some plays.. I wanted to tell him that I don't know any plays and I shouldn't be out here with you guys.. Oh that will be covered in our next practice….


SlingBox
I can bore you guys with this new device I have but if no one cares I will keep it out..
I will blog as the holiday season approaches so does the anger..

WHY THE RAGE

Why so lazy.. Why no posts.. Why so heavy.. I think I have stated this in the past but I do not know how to deal with things when they are going well.. But I will give this a shot and try to create a somewhat interesting post.. (No I won't I don't want to change the format of this blog) Does anyone have the rage that I have within me even when I am doing something that I enjoy.. Well here is a typical event for me.. I am outside on a beautiful fall day cutting firewood and hauling the split wood out of the woods behind my house.. I don't know why but this is just completely relaxing for me.. My kids are playing football in the front yard my wife is complaining about me not helping with hanging the lights on the trees and really all is right with the world. So I am driving my john Deere through the woods and I am being careful not drive over any small stumps and puncture the tires so I am looking back so I don't notice the horse whip tree in front of me which when I push through let's go from the front of the tractor and whips me across my face and it stings pretty bad but I am in just so happy that I shrug it off but it gets the blood percolating a little.
So on my way back you would think I would remember that the stinging in my face was caused by the tree in my path but being the genius that I am I look at the nice fire that my son has started and how proud I am that I have created another pyromaniac I am looking at him or the fire I am not sure but I am struck by the same tree in exactly the same spot.. BOOOM the rage comes out of me.. I can seriously see spots when I get this mad I yell out you dirty HUUUEERR (more on that later) and I leap off my seat and I grab the tree and I start yanking and pulling and kicking and in general flailing around like a crazed idiot trying to quench my anger by tearing this tree out by its roots.. This is gets a little gross here but as usual I don't care but please skip if you are eating something 1.25 this will be hard for you.. I feel like I am herniating my self as I give it everything I have but I am starting to imagine the hemi's I am going to have that evening and I lunge for my chainsaw (Which is not spitting Gas Sorry 1.25) and I cut this SOB out of the ground and carry it over to the fire.. As I stand there panting like a bald gorilla watching his first kill I see my Son has witnessed this whole event and has decided that I am dumber than he had originally thought.. So to break the uncomfortable silence he says "dad what is a HUUUEERR" I am not sure what to say but I really can't tell him what it really is or means so I just say oh it is something guys say when they are angry and just so it doesn't get any more uncomfortable I tell him he should go play.. As he is running away he decides to kick a similar looking tree in the woods I would tell him it was a dumb move but I really don't have much credibility at this point..
Stranger Than Fiction
What an interesting film.. This is not a Will Farrell movie at all which you have to get used to at first.. The film was just done right.. It is a tough storyline to pulloff but it was really well done. This movie is not going to wow anyone with great dialogue or having you laughing out loud but it was just interesting. I am sure this film will mean different things to different people but for me it was about going how your life is story and you can make it anything you want it to be.. Don't be caught in the same endless circle of doing the same things everyday It is your life make it fun.. Ok that was cheesy but I have been thinking about the movie for a couple days after I saw it so that for me scores high on the baldies scale.. I am going to give it 3.25 baldies out of 4..


WII
What is gaming supposed to be about.. (An endless waste of time) No I mean it is supposed to be about relaxing and having fun… Well the WII has not disappointed whatsoever.. The game play is as advertised you can play gaming in less than a minute.. You really only use 1 button for most of the sports games it is just so natural to play.. I had a neighbor lady and her daughter who had never played a video game console playing tennis against each other in less than 30 seconds.. My wife has played with my kids and you can't get the kids to stop laughing as they play it.. Are the graphics unreal NO is the sound unreal NO but it is not what this game is about it is about my 5 year old playing tennis against his dad and not having to remember to hit X yellow button Y left trigger right joystick down for a jump serve.. You swing the controller like a tennis racquet and you are playing tennis.. They are just scratching the surface of what this type of game play can do and I am excited to see what will be next.. I will never compare this to XBOX 360 or PS3 which I am sure are incredible systems for gamers but I am betting that none of these games will bring new people into the gaming market.. Or better yet as IJ has learned allowed a grandfather 3 hours of gameplay with his grandchildren..
Weight
Not bad 3 lbs gained over the holiday but I am continuing the 10,000 steps to death march everyday..

Vikings
They beat Denny Green.. Wow that was a tough team.. I am looking forward to the Bears game I think they have a shot.. Well any team has a shot at beating the bears if Rex is taking snaps..

HeavyWII
Out

WHY SO MUCH RAGE

Why so lazy.. Why no posts.. Why so heavy.. I think I have stated this in the past but I do not know how to deal with things when they are going well.. But I will give this a shot and try to create a somewhat interesting post.. (No I won't I don't want to change the format of this blog)  Does anyone have the rage that I have within me even when I am doing something that I enjoy.. Well here is a typical event for me.. I am outside on a beautiful fall day cutting firewood and hauling the split wood out of the woods behind my house.. I don't know why but this is just completely relaxing for me.. My kids are playing football in the front yard my wife is complaining about me not helping with hanging the lights on the trees and really all is right with the world. So I am driving my john Deere through the woods and I am being careful not drive over any small stumps and puncture the tires so I am looking back so I don't notice the horse whip tree in front of me which when I push through let's go from the front of the tractor and whips me across my face and it stings pretty bad but I am in just so happy that I shrug it off but it gets the blood percolating a little.

So on my way back you would think I would remember that the stinging in my face was caused by the tree in my path but being the genius that I am I look at the nice fire that my son has started and how proud I am that I have created another pyromaniac I am looking at him or the fire I am not sure but I am struck by the same tree in exactly the same spot..  BOOOM the rage comes out of me.. I can seriously see spots when I get this mad I yell out you dirty HUUUEERR (more on that later) and I leap off my seat and I grab the tree and I start yanking and pulling and kicking and in general flailing around like a crazed idiot trying to quench my anger by tearing this tree out by its roots.. This is gets a little gross here but as usual I don't care but please skip if you are eating something 1.25 this will be hard for you.. I feel like I am herniating my self as I give it everything I have but I am starting to imagine the hemi's I am going to have that evening and I lunge for my chainsaw (Which is not spitting Gas Sorry 1.25) and I cut this SOB out of the ground and carry it over to the fire.. As I stand there panting like a bald gorilla watching his first kill I see my Son has witnessed this whole event and has decided that I am dumber than he had originally thought.. So to break the uncomfortable silence he says "dad what is a HUUUEERR"  I am not sure what to say but I really can't tell him what it really is or means so I just say oh it is something guys say when they are angry and just so it doesn't get any more uncomfortable I tell him he should go play.. As he is running away he decides to kick a similar looking tree in the woods  I would tell him it was a dumb move but I really don't have much credibility at this point..

Stranger Than Fiction
What an interesting film.. This is not a Will Farrell movie at all which you have to get used to at first.. The film was just done right.. It is a tough storyline to pulloff but it was really well done. This movie is not going to wow anyone with great dialogue or having you laughing out loud but it was just interesting.  I am sure this film will mean different things to different people but for me it was about going how your life is story and you can make it anything you want it to be.. Don't be caught in the same endless circle of doing the same things everyday It is your life make it fun.. Ok that was cheesy but I have been thinking about the movie for a couple days after I saw it so that for me scores high on the baldies scale..  I am going to give it 3.25 baldies out of 4..

WII
What is gaming supposed to be about.. (An endless waste of time) No I mean it is supposed to be about relaxing and having fun… Well the WII has not disappointed whatsoever.. The game play is as advertised you can play gaming in less than a minute.. You really only use 1 button for most of the sports games it is just so natural to play.. I had a neighbor lady and her daughter who had never played a video game console playing tennis against each other in less than 30 seconds..  My wife has played with my kids and you can't get the kids to stop laughing as they play it.. Are the graphics unreal NO is the sound unreal NO but it is not what this game is about it is about my 5 year old playing tennis against his dad and not having to remember to hit X yellow button Y left trigger right joystick down for a jump serve.. You swing the controller like a tennis racquet and you are playing tennis..   They are just scratching the surface of what this type of game play can do and I am excited to see what will be next..  I will never compare this to XBOX 360 or PS3 which I am sure are incredible systems for gamers but I am betting that none of these games will bring new people into the gaming market.. Or better yet as IJ has learned allowed a grandfather 3 hours of gameplay with his grandchildren..

Weight
Not bad 3 lbs gained over the holiday but I am continuing the 10,000 steps to death march everyday..  

Vikings
They beat Denny Green.. Wow that was a tough team.. I am looking forward to the Bears game I think they have a shot.. Well any team has a shot at beating the bears if Rex is taking snaps..  

HeavyWII

Out

Disturbing Lunch Conversation

Again I am not going to make this blog political unless I think it is funny.. But this was too good to be true.. I was telling FT and Nuclear Mark (I will introduce him at a later time) about having my son C in the tree with me this weekend hunting deer.. I might bore you with all the details as I did these two fellow idiots I work with but I will cut to the chase.. So FT being the one who always interrupts my horrible long stories with another uninteresting story.. Says hey did you read that article about the guy who was arrested for sexually assaulting a deer carcass on the side of the road. Yeah NuclearM responds with his usual pithiness and says that the point of law really comes down to temperature since the man was arguing that it was not considered a living being since it simply a dead carcass and NuclearM wants to points out that it really comes down to at what point the animal changes from living to dead is really based on the temperature at the time of consummation. If this conversation couldn't get any worse FT throws this out there.. And I am going to tell it the way I heard it because I was so shocked I can't remember how he even made this jump in the conversation.. FT says you see this is just like what Michelle Bachman and those people are fighting against same sex marriage.. "It is all about tolerating and abnormal act" I am as lost as you are all reading this.. FT has made the statement that if we tolerate same sex marriage it is the beginning of the end of morality.. That people humping dead on the side of the road will become tolerated.. People will demand that they be allowed to marry there animals (Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you Sam and his horse Samson, you can now kiss the horse).. He is serious Nuclear Mark is falling out of his chair.. He screams out are you serious are you insane how can you make the leap from having sex with a dead carcass or animal (Based on Temperature) on the side of the road to the fight against homosexuals.. I normally wouldn't care but I said I think that is was also acceptable back in the days of the roman empire for the Romans to have same sex relationships.. FT fires back and says that was the fall of the Roman empire rampant homosexuality and the failure to have a unified dialect..

I still can't stop thinking about it.. I guess you had to be there but it had me gasping for air like when I climb a flight of stairs.. It reminded me of the days at WHS at the home of J's where conversations where brought up simply to incite arguments.. The only difference in this case is FT was serious.. We actually broke into the religious aspects of this argument which bores me to tears since it is all about interpretation of religious beliefs so I will keep it out of the blog..

Vikings
I should just cut and paste what I have said over the last few weeks.. No Playmakers horrible offensive scheme.. They are killing my enjoyment of watching football on sundays.

Timberwolves.
Casey is not a coach.. McFail is not a GM.. KG is not a leader.. Clear it out and start fresh.. I would start going with a lineup that features more than one guy over six foot seven..

Weight..
Not bad for a weekend of eating out.. Just trying to maintain over Fatsgiving..

WII
More on this later.. Life is good for HeavyD

HeavyWII out

Tpup Game

So I was asked to go to a twolves game with the new group I am joining in January. So I am trying to give these people a completely unbiased opinion of myself. I am trying not to talk over people.. (That lasted about 5 minutes) I waited for everyone to order last night so that I would not be the first one to order the left side of a cow for an appetizer.. I waited until they all ordered and decided to go with a burger and solid Ale.. (We are at the Fatbottom Brewery nothing great just really solid). The beer was incredibly tasty and I was nervous which is a bad combo for the big heavy so I had to ease off on the Fat Pedal..  (I started to picture the Bald Dancing bear shaking my arse to Tone Loc as a means to hold me back from order another beverage.)  So I inhaled my burger and asked the waitress to take away the fries so that I wouldn't lick the plate and we headed over to the game.. One more thing how do normal people not eat everything they ordered.. They kept saying how good everything was on their plate but then they would eat like half of it.. It was all I could do not to reach across the table and grab it.. Easy heavy it is not hard to tell why you where a QPC from a 3 large.. By the way doesn't a QPC sound good right now.. For all you thin people out there the oxygen  that fires my fat engine is a McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese…  Ok I am getting off track now.. The cheese just melts perfectly over that processed fauxmeat why do I crave it so.. So we made it to the game and since we had this great company tickets we where able to go directly to courtside as we watched the peasants meander their way like sheep up the escalators into the seats hoping they won't get tossed into to face the Lions like the other Christians before.. (Sorry for that it doesn't make sense but it is what it is ) 

I kept thinking as we nestled ourselves in our seats amongst the local celebrities and other millionaires that somehow I was just like them. We are all just people.. Sure my pants where bought at gander mountain on the clearance rack for $17.99 they where no different than $150 designer stressed jeans in front me..  Sure I was the only man without hair or synthetic hair near me but hey I was just like them I am sure all of them where wearing the liner from their  winter jacket as a fall fashion. No the big heavy never fits in I am always uncomfortable.. Kinda like when you have a beer and burger and cannot release some of the air from the pressure in your stomach since you are around people.. Ok enough said I didn't make a complete fool of myself and I had a great time watching the game.. I am just jealous that I will never be able to sit where I sat for this game ever again..

Tpups.
Up Close and Personal.. No one is listening to Casey.. Mike James and Casey are constantly fighting I mean they are not on the same page at all. The entire bench is sulking.. I really think the Eddie "Master" Griffith could be a solid player but he is not coachable right now.. They would be better off if he was not near this team.. The wolves can't get any rebounds other than the rookie.. He looks really small in person I thought he was supposed to be pretty thick.. Welll consider the source there.. KG is very dirk like now.. His defense is flashy with blocking shots and all but he really is getting beat on a regular basis buy every good post up player out there.. Case in point Zach Randolf was never guarded by KG he would have ate him alive.. This is a team that is very deep with mediocre talent that lacks any direction as team and as an organization.. Unless they move some guys out and go younger this team might get better but they are going nowhere…

ROUND OUT