4 Chuck

Why did I run a marathon..

The race was really icing on the cake.. I am sure I have discussed this before but I really struggled with dealing with Chuck's death.. There is no way to describe it other than I was really disappointed in that I have not done anything to show how much my big brother meant to me. I did not do anything.. I did not speak at the funeral.. It is just hard for me to tell people how big a whole he left in my life.. I have never really tried to fill it with anything because the emptiness I feel I don't want to ever loose.

So as I began running which I had done numerous times over the years and even after he died I would run like crazy for a month and then quit.. I just couldn't do it my feet felt like they where going to rupture my legs would hurt.. I would find away to stop running.. Something changed when I began the run this time.. First of all I started finding things in my life that I couldn't do because I was too "old".. I was not too old I was too out of shape and fat as a house..
And I started walking everyday.. I started running very short distances and when my legs hurt I took a day off.. And then I use to say I will try and get a run in sometime during that day that is all B.S. The only way was is to get out of bed stumble down the stairs stick my stumps in the best running shoes that money can buy and start rolling with IJ's music selections in my ear. I am asleep running.. It is done for the day.. That got me started.. But I never got the running high .. I never felt good running.. I was half asleep but it was work and painful and horrible.. I talked to BS and his only advice is just shut up and run. He was right it took almost 6 months of running a minimum of 4 times a week. And then I started realizing that there where turkey's,Deer, Sunrises.. I was not thinking about each step it was like going for a slow walk I wasn't breathing hard anymore my legs didn't hurt.. I became a runner.. I liked going for a run..

When I run I think about life it gives me some time to enjoy my life and make sure that I appreciate what I have.. It also gives me time to reflect back and think about all of the great times I have had in my life and the amazing people that I have come across in my life and specifically it gives me some time to think about Chuck and what fun it was to be a part of his life and how much fun those times where I would tell him something about my life and he would listen and make fun of me for worrying or whatever.. He would always say something like "at least you don't live in a shed by yourself".. He never let me worry about the small things in life he always kept reminding me to keep my on the prize. I wanted tell him something because I wanted him to be proud of me or let him know how much I needed his feedback on things.. Chuck was authentic he had a ton of issues but at the end of the day or in his case the end of his life he was authentic he was real.. There was no grey with Chuck if you wanted to know his opinion he would jam it down your throat.. I hope some of those good things rubbed off on me..

So as I am running one day and laughing to myself about what us brothers did with our dad we would always hold up 4 fingers and rub the skin on our arm and wave to each other when passing in a car or driving by on a tractor or working on the golf course. Then an idea rattled around in my head what if I could do something around that to pay tribute or at least do something.. It was my way of saying "You are still here" it was statement for my family it was me to try to express how much he still means to me.. The four is great in that it is an inside joke that our family shares we had four guys in our house I have four guys in my house.. And the other is to say for Chuck.. So I thought about it and it motivated me to do something that no one thought I could do.. I could drag my fat ass for 26.2 miles.. I could for 4.5 hours shout to thousands of people that I am doing this for Chuck and my family.. So I waited for a few months as I started making my runs longer and longer and seeing if I could really do it before I would tell anyone..

I told my wife about 5 months later my idea about the shirt and why I was running the Marathon.. Her and no one else.. It was something that we talked about and it really pushed me to stay on training.. It is also the only reason I could do it.. I am not a quitter but my body was not designed to be marathoner.. But as usual I am an idiot and I didn't know that when you put a name on your shirt people think it is your name.. Which turned out to be the coolest thing of all.

So for 4.5 hours people cheered and kept saying come on Chuck you can do it.. Keep going Chuck.. Way to go Chuck.. I had my Fu on my face for the race and shaved my head like normal so I really looked like Chuck and the side affect I have is people are cheering for him not me.. That was it.. I got what I wanted.. I don't need anyone to cheer for me I wanted people to think/cheer for my brother.. I Will blog about the race real soon but I accomplished what I wanted I paid tribute to Chuck.

I ran 4 chuck..

Heavy D rolling.. Out

Chapters 26.2

Chapter 1
Start of the race.. Lot of experience runners enjoying the moment.. Lot of deer in the headlights runners wondering how they got to this point (me).. It is cold.. I am smiling I could not have asked for better weather.. Just not rain.. I hope..
I am alone no ipod nobody to talk nothing to do except think.. I think I am hungry.. I think I have to pee.. During the national anthem my heart starts to race.. I am an athlete again.. I look for my helmet..

Chapter 2
Flying through the city tired faces looking for someone but all they see is drifit and steam rising from the mass.. Legs feel amazing.. Am I really apart of this..

Chapter 3
Still nervous foot goes to sleep just like old times.. Shut up and run it will shake out of it.. Trying to shut out the constant dribble of conversations around me and find someone or something to focus on.. Nope all alone still lost.. I hate women under the age of the 30.. They should ban the word like..

Chapter 4
The rain.. Maybe it is just a sprinkle.. Just enjoy the race heavy.. Need something to do .. Still lost.. Shoot I am running to fast..

Chapter 5
It is pouring now.. I love it.. I am dumb forget that I have to be in it for another 4 hours.. Wondering if I will see family around 6 miles.. Legs are money… Feel like I could run all day.

Chapter 6
Wow this is a lot of rain.. Enjoying the Course.. Would be great to live around here the lakes and neighborhoods are beautiful..
Legs feel really good too good.. I need to find a away to pace.. I see the Cliff Bar Pacer balloons at 4:15.. That would be cool if I could do that.. Would be a little fast but if I slow up I would be around 4:30..

Chapter 7
Sounds like a plan.. Crap I reset my timer on my watch by mistake trying to brush the water off.. I have a plan just stick to by the 4:15..

Chapter 8
I hate the 4:15 group.. They all think they are better than this time just running the race this day to enjoy themselves.. We normally are under 4 but I just want to have fun today.. I think about starting to punch anyone that says that they are just running this for fun. I think this is where I hear some guy cussing about getting his shoes wet watching the race.. It is my brother.. I yell for him but he is too busy keeping his 1998 loafers dry.. Great to see him..

Chapter 9
I have my groove.. I am enjoying the crowd.. They are all saying things about go Chuck or keep it going Chuck.. I am at point at whoever says Chuck I am giving them a thumbs up… Legs strong mind strong.. People are wondering how many toe nails they will loose.. My brother told me to put Vaseline in between my toes.. It works no pain..

Chapter 10
I want to be an iron man.. I think I see IJ and his Wife at this point.. I have this thing in the bag.. But it just keeps raining and the puddles are drenching my feet.. I make a fat guy joke and tell the people are me that at least my feet are not get wet they laugh and think I am serious and start examining my feet.. All runners think everyone else has an edge..

Chapter 11
I think I see BS here or somewhere close.. The wind has picked up and it really getting ugly out here.. The grind begins.. I feel just a little tightness in my quads the wind and rain are smashing down on my legs.. I want to tell him that it feels like I am playing Dassel but I can't say it right.. I am really focused now.. BS looks like he could run the race today.. I hate thin people..

Chapter 12-16
All my training is paying off.. During this stretch the weather is terrible the crowds are great and I am enjoying the run.. We are running along the river for awhile the wind is just terrible.. But I am just feeling like I can do it now.. Everything is blur I see my Aunt and Uncle and IJ and my wife and kids but only for seconds. I am thinking about how many hours I have left as I feel like my legs can roll on forever.. I just love the brief seconds I see people I know and give them high fives or wave.. I feel terrible for making people have to walk around in this horrible day..

Chapter 17
The water stops are really pissing me off as people keep cutting me off or stopping or elbowing me right as I take a sip.. I tried to take water ever three miles but I really don't think I am getting enough.. This was a mistake.. I am taking my Goo at every 45 minutes but I feel my legs getting crampy.. No doubt I will finish now.. Think about close lining a guy that says less than ten miles to go.. I think about saying I am less then 10 steps away from choking you..

Chapter 18.
How long is this river.. I am trying to enjoy the race but at this point.. I have some fear that I can go another 8 miles.. I feel anger building but I try to use it for me.. I feel my thighs no joke they felt like ice where forming on them.. I was freezing

Chapter 19
I am still cruising along I think I am way ahead of the 4:15 pacer.. Wow I just need to relax and I am going to make it.. Wait I am not done at 10 I still have a 10k to go after that.. I panic some at this point and really try to slow down.. I feel some serious cramps in my calfs and my quads.. Legs are really strong though I am going to power through it.. 2 ladies in green start making chit chat with me not sure if it was pity or just boredom but I talk a little.. They tell me I am looking good.. I think about saying they do to but I am worried they will be offended as I cannot look at anything but the road now.. I sprint ahead of them so I they stop talking to me..

Chapter 20
I see my in-laws they ask me how I am doing.. I can't lie I tell them I am not doing good.. The cramping has begun.. Still powering still striding.. There is some stupid wall or something over the road here.. My brother runs along with me and encourages me.. I try to listen but I am so focused on keeping my stride that I don't hear what he says other than keep going.. And he slaps my ass so hard I think that is going to cramp too.

Chapter 21
The worst thing happens here.. I have doubt now.. I think I am going to disappoint everyone.. I see my wife and IJ wife.. I am done my legs are done I have been going up hill for around a mile and half with no end in sight.. She run's with me for a little bit says some really nice things I think I cannot hear most of them as my mind is telling me to just stop.. My mind tells me this is it. You got no more in the tank..

Chapter 22
I am running with strides that are probably slower than walking but.. I just keep thinking of BS and my wife and my brother that just said keep moving keep going.. It is gross out there.. People are crying and stopping to stretch.. The conversations are the crowd pleading for peoople to keep going.. I try to help a few out. By encouraging them..

Chapter 23
I am running and version of walk running. I pick out a big guy in a light blue shirt a head of me and make it my focus to not loose sight of him.. I run until the cramps get too bad and then I walk and swing my arms for a few steps.. I don't loose that guy
Around this time I think the 4:15 pacer group comes buy.. I run with them until mile 24 I think..

Chapter 24-25.5
I hate the mileage markers infact I am not sure if I ever saw the 24 or 25 as they have angered me so much.. My legs are going to seize up here and I am going to have to crawl to the finish or quit.. I can't quit.. I just keep moving.. It feels like I am still going up hill.. I have no idea I am just moving.. Running drinking water at ever turn., eating candy from the spectators anything that will stop my legs from cramping. I do something I have not done in 18 years.. I start punch my legs right where it hurts.. I know it is dumb they are cramping already but I need something.. Anything to give me and edge or the the will to finish.. I hate the people yelling and cheering.. They are all there for the freak show if they truly where there they would be at the finish line. This is where people are shitting themselves crying laying down thinking of quitting.. Do they think some fat ass drinking coffee .. saying come on you can do it is going to help.. I have it.. Use the Anger big heavy.. I feel the rage.. Not sure at what point but I just say lets go.. And I don't remember how long it was maybe a mile maybe 2 but I never stopped jogging after that.. I just thought about the finish. I thought about the prize..

Chapter 26
I am coming down the hill it is finished it is over.. I see people I know.. I take my hat off to celebrate but I just can't stop the cramping.. I take these little strides.. I look terrible.. I feel terrible.. It all slows down now.. I remember the long runs in my winter spikes across the snow in the dark.. I remember the hot trips around lower turtle lake.. I am not going to crawl I am going to finish. I have no idea what my time will be but I don't care.. I am hungry.. That's it no great ah ha moment I think wow I am hungry.. I didn't have breakfast or lunch..

Chapter .2
I forget that the fnn mile marker for 26 is not the end.. There is .2 to go.. I think of launching myself at the mile marker and ripping it to shreds but really the only thing I could launch was the goo from my stomach.. I see the mat for the end.. That's it I am done.. Never again..

I look at all the people that came.. Wow thanks everyone… Hey Chuck we talked a lot between mile 21-25 thanks for telling me to keep my eye on the prize.. There is no grey in a marathon either you finish or you don't..


I finished

I am a runner

Dumbest thing I have ever done..

I will post after the race some of the reasons why I am having a near death experience thanks FT on Sunday..I have done everything I can to be ready but still the fact remains.. You can put lipstick on a pig….

A colleague of mine overheard a conversation about people at our company discussing the people running the marathon. They mentioned the two other guys and then my name was brought up.. Wow I just can't see him running it.. Well you know what me neither.. I looked in the mirror this morning.. I have this ridiculous fu on my face for the race.. (More on that after the race)..
I am supposed to be in the best shape of my life.. My arms are small and undefined my chest has caved in.. My Stomach is a popped balloon.. Through a choir robe on me and I am uncle fester..

I jump on the scale it reads 229.. Gained 5 lbs this week..Just like old times I eat when I am nervous so Chocolate has been flowing around the house.. I am just not confident about the race..
Two weeks ago I ran 22 miles and I felt like I was ready.. But then you begin this tapering stuff which makes you feel out of shape.. I can't blame anyone I just don't want to quit.. I had dinner with my mom.. She was worried about me.. She should be I don't look a person that can run that far.. Maybe I can't..

I could go into detail on how long and hard I have trained (That what she said) but and the end of the day you have no one to blame you just have to..


SHUT UP AND RUN

If FT is right this might be my last post..
See ya..


Heavy Rolling..