As I stood waiting for my bus and with the rain coming down I felt akin to being one of R. Kellys girlfriends on Saturday night I really needed to vent out here today.. I traveled to Indy on Monday night after work.. Just a one day trip but for me that is the kiss of death since I can't sleep in a hotel room and since I was traveling with my boss I would check my watch every hour throughout the night so I wouldn't miss my wake up call..(What a dumbass) How do you miss a wakeup call.. Actually the trip went well except for giving me countless opportunities to make a fool of my self in front of my boss.(My career ladder is a step stool) More on that later but since I am so tired today I really can't focus long enough to create a linear blog..
So I get on plane 50 minutes late we where waiting for our 5th waitress (stewardess) funny how that is when they are in contract negotiations.. Why do these people need a union.. Maybe the people at McDonalds should form one since it requires the same skill set.. Easy Heavy the anger is brewing today.. Guys weekend is coming it will be all right.. Where is a cheap place to get new Castle.. Stay on track.. Waiting for the plane on a triple digit heat day and with a triple digit BMI number equates to a fair amount of swesticle problems for me.. So I take my sweaty boarding pass out of my khaki pants that now resemble sweat pants as they are glued to my legs outlining the pillars that hold up my tremendous pear shaped upper torso. I get on the plane/bus and hope that I am SURE but there is no way I can prevent my swassiness from giving the people in first class a little whiff of my swaint as I push through the cabin back to last class.. So as I pass by all the people with the don't sit by me look on there face.. I find my way back to the bus where I get to meeet Tangela and Sharice (they where both Norwegians from the Midwest.. Yeah) They where new to flying and where very nervous and used this as an opportunity to riddle me with questions about my life as I struggled to ram my earbuds to drown out my thought of trying to create a story for everyone that is in my vicinity.. I thought of using my own life but decided that might bore me more than them and decided to come up with a new plane character for myself.. I could post this but I can't remember half of it since it just started and I couldn't stop it.. I though about picking the architect but I that would spur more conversation so I went with Network security analyst.. I was on my third marriage due to the travel and 9/11 and all .. You all should try it some time it is amazing and harmless and makes the flight zoom by… Wait it didn't work.. Tangela started lecturing me on the poisons I had in my body since I had never had a colon cleansing… No Joke.. She recommended going to this site and start from there DrNatura or something.. It was priceless since they where so nice but they kept using words in the wrong context or adding to the end of words or using the complete wrong word I was dying inside.. (It was like a weird SNL skectch) An example "this is a chronic situational problem that can lead to further computations up the road" (Jdenver I thought of you "Radioactive pay").. You can't make this up.. I really enjoyed the conversation they where so real and un filtered like the other BS you hear from the business travelers normally who are comparing the memory sizes of there dingleberries that they can't shut off until the last possible moment.. (I used to think I would like one so that I could track sport scores but I can't seem to find a way to call that a business need)..Man this is rambling
So we arrived and all went well (My job is so boring there is noway I could ever post about it) but on the return flight I was sandwiched between the window of the bus and a 9 year girl that decided to use my belly as a place to rest here feet and kick my bladder on 15 second intervals but her mom was this yenta from Queens that was practicing the ignore my child and hope that someone else will tell here to get her feet off the angry bald man but she decided it was more important to text message with 3 inch long finger nails on here crackberry.. The flying bus was sweltering but this was one of those people that always brings a coat when it is 95 degrees outside so the air won't give here a chill.. As I peered through the sweat dripping down eyelids and tried to gracefully push the hot needles of death that where the 9 year olds heels out of my midsection I had thoughts of grabbing the strings around here hoody and twisting them until she stopped clicking those nails on the mini keyboard.. Just at that point I turned my pod on to some Queen under Pressure and all the people on the bus disappeared and everything seemed ok as I slipped off into an angry slumber.. Why does everything seem so much better when they are put to music.. Maybe I should play hoops with an ipod and I would look afletic.. No it wouldn't work..
Sorry for not blogging.. I am going to be out for the rest of the week..
Let me leave this with you.. If the twins don't sweep KC the playoff chase is over.. I am hoping no one kills each other at guys weekend.. Vikes season is approaching.. I will start posting really boring Vikes post soon..
Don't Hate Eat.
HeavyD
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