http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burqa
I can't think of a better solution to what my appearance has become.. It is perfect it would cover my humongous bald head it would mask my leean chins and with the flowing robe it might even hide cover my porcine shape.. And maybe with a little luck it will mask the fowl stench that is a byproduct of my eating habits.. It would really level the playing field out there for all guys.. You would really find out if women love guys for there personality yeah right.. I have been working the bald fat thing for years and I haven't really had the beat the women off of me with the stick.. Well maybe my wife but that is more of pity thing than anything. Or else kinda like when you go into the fridge looking for WD Coke to help wash down the lb of chocolate you are in the process of inhaling and you find out that the only thing in there is a caffeine free diet pepsi (why is this pop made.. No sugar buzz.. No caffeine Buz.. No Fiz.. I guess just helps ease the food down) but it is cold and it is in your fridge.. So when my wife opens the door to our bedroom and hopes for Brad Pitt and sees me it isn't what she really wanted but it is in her room.. You get the picture.. On second thought don't picture it if you are close to lunch time..
Can you play tennis in a burka..(no one could see your swass…) FT consider it..
DD update
DD had two hits (made contact with the ball and put into play) last night.. And according to my wife one of them would have been a real hit he was just too excited watching the ball to run real fast to first.. So that made my day..
Jottings
Almost made a fat guy puke last night.. There was this guy playing first for the other team that was biscuit shot of a double deuce (400) standing next to me last night when BS ran by.. He asked me when was the last time I shaved my head.. I came back with a pithy comment that I wish I could use Naire on my head like I do on my ass it seems to be smooth and silky.. The large one looked at me and said he wish he hadn't heard that.. He thought about it for a second and shook his head and looked and me and said Dude your really sick.. I appreciated that.. I am thinking of not playing for my softball team next they do not stock Newcastle at the bar.. I was soothed by BS paying for some Sam Adams.. Why does free beer taste better.
One one more thing DJ sent me this if are a fan of the office this is great and free..
WEBOFFICE
If anything they want me to post our review or make fun post a comment..
To clarify IJ Comment http://www.blackwagon.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/onesie_ramones_lg.jpg
I like the term fatsie. I am hoping it is not trademarked..
Heavy OUT
9 comments:
Yo D,
Your male Burka concept sounds great. Having an amply corpulent belly and extended wrap-around side-burns (oh wait...that's my face), I can see the male Burka thing really taking off at the Big-Tall man (how sad) shops, etc. Your posting today made me think of my own situation yesterday, which you may find unsettling but appropriate given today's rant...I have a normal male inseam 30-32, but a 42-44 waist...Unfortunately though, I'm also 6'3", so I sport a long, obnoxiously fat mid-section...Anywhoo...As you know I'm and attorney, and I need to look reasonably presentable in court. Try to find a shirt that's both tall and fat-oriented, with a large neck, but without so much GD material that standing with my arms spread, on the deck of Trappy's St. Croix cruiser, I could reasonably stand-in as the vessel's mast and sail. So the punchline (sad but true)...I've taken to sweater vests...love the GD things. Buy a long sweater vest and it dresses the suit up nicely, covers that awkward focal point right above the belt-line where your shirt becomes untucked and exposes the fat, hairy, belly-button lint reservior that most judges and colleagues need not ever encounter, and allows you to wear a shorter tie and still look like a professional. Problem for me though, is the seasonal conundrum(sp?). On the way to court yesterday sporting my best summer weight sweater vest, I've got the cold air blasting. I meet my client in a building connected to the court building, with good air conditioning...at this point I'm still dry...talk the case over with my client and then proceed with her through a walkway to the court room (still dry), and walk in to the court room where I notice a fan is plugged in and blowing (exponential F'nheimer). I'm in court now and waiting for the Judge to enter, and I notice little beads of perspiration, then B-B sized drivlets, then all hell breaks loose and the sweat drops start running down my face. My client, who up until this point had full faith and confidence in me, leans over and asks me if I'm o.k., as I try to wipe the torrent of salty urea from my face and neck. The Judge enters...the court bailiff says all rise, and the first words out of the Judge's mouth are "sorry about the air conditioning folks, on such a hot day"...darn sweater vests!!!..the judge looks over at me to ask me to state my appearance, and smiles as I wipe about a cup of sweat from my brow and kick off my arguments (this judge is actually a real good guy with a good sense of humor, and was wearing a golf shirt buttoned up to the top, with what appeared to be a clip-on tie...I'm also guessing shorts under his robe). Quick hearing (about 20 minutes) but by the time I left the court room, and took my jacket off, I felt like some poor schmuck in the first row at sea world...somehow the male Burka, sans another stich of clothing underneath, might have been just the ticket yesterday...I'm just saying...
My advice to the owners of K-TEL or some other 2 AM paid programming company is to invent the Burka version 2 w/AC. I also share forward girth. An AC strapped to my back like a backpack would simply provide balance and comfort.
If fellow wide bodied brothers are concerned about the additional weight of the Burka 2 with the AC and batteries, I simply respond what is one more grain of sand on a vast beach.
JLO
It really hurts when your comment is a magnitude of ten better than my post.. I was dying reading this after going to the bathroom and removing the "butter" that was churning after taking a walk at lunch I understand.. I feel you big fella.. another thing to add isn't it interesting where the sweat tends to pool. I particaular like the swoob mark I get where my chest meets my belly.. Your the heaviest(is that a compliment) thanks for your post..
While the male burka sounds great, I have a slightly different thought (though not originally mine, I don't know where it originated).
Like JLO described, during normal, everyday activity, which for a large fellow like myself, is mostly just breathing and occasionally standing, the t shirt may become untucked. This isn't a problem for a skinny guy, but when you're a big guy in a dress shirt, it creates the perfect storm.
The buttons on my dress shirts usually stop an inch or five above the belly button. Couple this with the rising t-shirt, and the danger of bellybutton exposure is a question of "when" and not "if".
To prevent this, I suggest the Mature Onesy, or you could call it the Fatsy.
A Onesy is a tshirt for babies that snaps below the crotch, allowing the t-shirt to stay firmly in place as the baby is moved around.
Why can't we have this for big people? Our t-shirts would never rise and we could stretch and stand up without fear of losing what little dignity we have.
I think it would sell big-time.
Touché
I hope the Onesy would be disposable for adults. The thought of the "snap below the crotch" just made me lose my lunch.
Can I have another?
D, anon, IJ,
I love the onsie idea, but I've been giving this a lot of thought also...how about we get rid of the T-shirt altogether...and reinstate the cumberbun? Why re-invent the wheel on this one. I mean I'd be doing this already, but I lack the stugotts (and the self-esteem) to start a trend like this. If one of you guys, or one of your thin friends (mine are all fat like me), so it wouldn't look like a fat guy thing, could start this, we could all go back to buying 2X T-shirts at Walmart, stretch in public again like Kathy Rigby's flexible cousin...make sense?...or perhaps a onsie/cumberbun value pak?
I like how JLO is thinking. Check out the pirate sash.
Perhaps a little fruity, but with POTC 2 making hay in the movie theaters, this could be the solution...
http://www.centerstagecostumes.com/Catalog/Pirate_Sash.htm
Here is another try at the link:
http://www.centerstagecostumes.com/
Catalog/Pirate_Sash.htm
Post a Comment