Why I should never leave the U.S.

So the big bald heavy is in Germany again. I started to feel like I had the world by the balls for a minute but as usual life corrects me and brings me down to earth. As I write this my heart is as heavy as it as ever been but I just need to blog something and get my mind off of it. I don’t want to go into a ton of details but D is getting teased and embarrassed at school and is acting out at home so it makes life difficult for my entire family and especially my wife since I am unable to help. I really don’t give much help when I am there anyway but at least I cold be there for my wife.. But oh well such is life and it motivates me to blog so here we go.

This is a really filthy post so skip if you need to ..

So as I have stated several more times than I can count (I have to stop at 21) I have bit of a problem with my body functions. Wait a minute I have to comment on this before I rip on myself again.. I am sitting here watching the sunrise over the steeples in this city but between me and this view is this little suave Frenchmen. It is an odd office here very open but you can’t see who is looking at you at any given point.. (I wonder when they will ever get over this whole European styling thing it must be just a fad.) (Why don’t we have American Styling) Anyway I try to look out the window and I see pepe reaching down the front of his pants and itches his junk. I mean even for me that is pretty gross.. But that is not it. He then looks around and takes his hand out and sniffs his fingers. That makes my next comment pretty lame I hope.. Good thing stereotypes aren’t true.

So back to my body functions, So with the time change and everything my body clock is a little off. To put it bluntly when heavy has to go he has to go. So I tried to time my trip to the biff so that I would have the bathroom to myself when I had to “do work”. I felt the need to drop my kids off at the pool so I made a quick trot pinching my be speckled hairy arse. I had made it the hallway with no one in front of me. But No.. I had been working with this other French guy and another German that I did not know at all. They both smiled and told me they had a quick question. Apparently the international face of this big fat bald guy has to lay some cable doesn’t come across to all languages.. So I attempt the just a minute gesture but to no avail they stop me.. I am dying inside my insides are turning inside out.. I start imagining soilent green running down my leg and out on my bowling shoes. I start to sweat. Should I just ease some air out and try and relieve the pressure? No too risky.. I don’t know a good proper way in English, German or French to say that if I don’t take a shit in the next 30 seconds I might explode.. So in mid conversation I just cowboy up and walk toward the bathroom I say nothing.. They look appalled but really at this point I am just doing damage control and all things being considered. I would rather be the rude American than the fat guy who sharted himself in the hallway. I really hated to admit this in the post but I was sort of proud of myself for not having an accident..

I am sorry for representing America to the rest of you out there but It “is what it is” with the big heavy. You can dress me up in a sport coat and bowling shoes but you just hide the fact that I am big bald angry man with more issues than I would ever admit to. Well maybe I will later but one issue at a time.

So I ruined something else.. Remember I describe the beautiful park on the Rhine that I run on.. Well I have just gotten into a nice routine of running there each night. I was carefree and M5 (No need to interpret this?) thinking this has to be the perfect way to get a good workout and enjoy the city and spring weather. So on my third run this week (Just showing off) I am feeling pretty good but I am getting passed on a fairly regular basis by what I consider marathon runners (I do this to make myself feel better about being the slowest distance runner in history) So today I decide no matter what I am not going to get passed by any runner.. I have some old school journey wailing on my pod and I am feeling pretty good.. I have two miles to go and no one has passed me.. But like a flash (everything is like flash to me since most of the time I have sweat burning my eyes) I am passed by this German Chinaman (I am not sure he was German nor he was Chinese but it makes for a better story to say I was passed by a German person of Asian heritage) Back to the story.. Like a flash YouRun (sorry that is just to easy) slips by me and all I can see his light little feet scurrying away from me with nary a mark in the clay in front of me. The Bald Clydesdale has had enough and I start throwing up clay as I clomp behind him. I am not sure if he cares but I know he can hear my giant hooves pounding on the clay behind him. I try to make a quick sprint to catch him but it doesn’t work I make up about three steps and at this point he is a good 50 yds ahead of me.. NO NOT ANYMORE NOT TODAY. (this is insane so role with it if you aren’t IJ) I am not going to be outsourced this time, I am not going to go bald at 23, I am not going to lose to Jackson, I am not going to let Granite Falls beat us, I am not going to dance with three Bills, I am not going to get laid off, I am not going to lose a paper fortune, I am not going to be in IT, I am not going to lose to my nephew in a forty, I am not going crumple up like a cheap suit and blow my hammy, That is it.. I have been holding back for way to long. I zero (too easy sorry) in on YouRun and I feel my hammy and my veal and my MCL barking but not today. I can’t lose this time. If I have to run on my arms I am going to catch YouRun. It takes me 2 miles and I run like I have never run before to catch this guy.. It takes me nearly two miles but I sprint to the finish line believing I have gold spikes on my feet.. I can’t believe it but I catch him and pass him on my way to victory maybe it was the thug eminiem in my ears or some old ability coming out. I a nearly vomit from exhaustion but I do it.. I am not a loser standing in the middle of some German Park halfway across the world panting and holding back vomit and well you know my other issue but I did it..

I really am that pathetic..

But I thought it was worth a blog and it allowed me to forget some of my frustrations at home..

That’s me heavyD out..

Gone Heavy Fishing

You haven't fished until you have fished for men..or something like that..

Maybe I can be governor as well.. I am a former wrestler, I am bald, I am heavy, I am dumber than virtually every person I meet, I have the English skills of a 5th grader (ok I know what you are saying maybe a 4th grader). I hate our government process, But I am not a Navy Seal nor do I have any charisma, So I will keep doing what I am good at.. Hmm What am I good at again.. Well it is what it is.. So I don't believe I have to go into the whole back story of my recent family outings with my family but they all follow the same formula.. We attempt to get together with the guys in the family and do some male bonding but it usually ends up with someone in the hospital.. So this year the plan was to make the trip to Bemidji and do some fishing. The plan was to have all six of us take one vehicle to save on gas but it turned out that putting six guys in one vehicle and mix in a stop at Craponalds and you will get a fair amount of methane .. I will summarize the trip quickly we arrived the first day and fished in 75 degree weather caught a ton of small northerns and a few walleyes but fishing with my son was priceless.. He must have caught 10-15 pike himself that day.. Which is a blast to watch but creates more work than you can imagine.. See my Dad ,who from our last little adventure has a hand that is not fully recuperated really and wasn't able to take the fish out without a fair amount of wincing and me looking on with the guilt that I was a big part of his hand being in constant pain for the last 7 months.. I had to drive the little 14 foot tiller boat and get off the 30 or so fish we all caught that day.. Actually it worked really well but I was getting a little tired and just a wee bit angry after the tenth time the treble hooks would hook the same spot on my finger.. So all went well the first day.. The second day, not so good.. We woke with the temps in the 40's and the wind was blowing but hey we are tough so we bundled up and took the nicer 16 foot boot that day.. So as we are meandering through the stream on the way to the lake my Dad snares another northern and pulls it to the side of the boat. I am a little sleepy but hey I can still feel the pangs of guilt so I reach down to grab the feisty little snake (that's what she said) but before I get my hand to the fish the fish shakes the rapala and all I can see is hooks coming at my face.. I rear back like a grizzly that finally caught the salmon but instead of salmon it is a orange rapala and instead of a grizzly it is a washed up guilt ridden tomato faced popped balloon looking man thrashing around with a rapula impaled on his nose and his coat locking the great beast into a horrible position of weather to panic and just start pulling since his face really can't look worse or freeze and hope that my one armed bandit father will not try setting the hook and bring in the bald hairy assed fish.. So short story long I tell my dad to freeze and don't move.. Of course there is a boat driving by while the beast was trying to free himself from the three hooked monster but I didn't let that bother me, just facing people each day looking the way I do prepares me for moments like this.. I have a lariat around my neck with a clippers so I cut the line so clubby does not decide to help and drive the barb in any farther.. I start coming up with a plan of how we are going to get to a hospital to get this out but just when I feel the warm blood in my nose.. .. I decided to give the lure a quick jerk to see how deep it was logged inside my nostril and it came out.. My dad thanked me for removing the fish and the nostril hair from his lure and continued fishing with 5 seconds.. I sat in the cold boat the rest of the day with my nose pounding like I had been punched in the face.. So that was it.. My Dad claimed he caught the biggest fish.. So the trip was a success we got to hang out with the guys and really it was fun and there will be no recovery period this time..

Twins..
Still struggling but it is a long season and they will continue to get better they are just lacking a solid homerun threat in the lineup..

Twolves
This is it.. I don't like to consider the odds of whether they will win the lottery I like to consider the odds they will fall farther back then 7th.. If they don't get 1or 2 I would give the pick to the clippers and fold up shop nobody in this draft is in the same category as the top 2..

Guys Weekend..

There has been much discussion but little resolution. We have the date but not the location as far as everybody is concerned. It looks like having at M5's place is a long shot since the group feels that the close location and the physical size of the house prevents us from having our typical guys weekend comradery. JLO you being the most supreme alpha will have to battle this out with HOW and come up with a solution.. IJ and your little bro are non committal and I am on the fence but leaning away from my cabin because it requires work on my part.. JLO you might have to have a summit meeting with HOW and schpeedy and come up with a resolution..

Spidey 3..
The weakest of the three but not a bad film for my three boys.. I will give 2.5 baldies..
Wish me luck k I might attempt a 6 mile run this week to see where I am at..

GO HEAVY or Don't GO at all.

The Rollercoaster

Well I am finally recovered from my rough week of travel… Here is how it went, I arrive home from Germany on Friday (7hours time Difference) and we went straight to the cabin.. We had a ton of things to do up there as well as preparing for opening fishing the next morning.. So I tried to slip on the mash mellow bed (circa 1965.. ) My back hurt so bad my legs where tingling in the 3 hours of sleep I managed to get in.. The next morning my middle son C was too excited he wanted to get out fishing.. I looked outside and it appeared that Antie M was about ready to head to the root cellar but having the guilt of not seeing my kids for a week I managed to get the boat in the water and start fishing.. I ended up pounding my cheeks up down as we road thee 2 foot white caps for most of the day.. If I came from the lake my wife would have other tasks that she wanted me to do or my other boys would want me to play catch or wrestle or whatever.. By the end of the day I looked like Billy Joel give or take a few years.. (Have you seen that guy lately.. Yeah he aged nicely.. He doesn't need hair.. He looks like a bald wood tick.. He and I have a lot in common..) My in-laws arrived later in the day which meant that the mash mellow bed was not in my plans for the night it was going to be worse.. So I melded with the couch and dog hair for a blissful 3 hours of continuous slumber.. I know this is boring but so is my life continue reading/living I have to.. So needless to say I woke up sore angry bitter and bald… Life was getting back to normal.

We had to rush home from the cabin so I had to load the boat while trying to avoid the cows spinning above my head, man I hate loading a boat in a cross wind and I hate trying to hurry it as well as your wife looks on like you go to some class as guy for how to load a boat.. I get so angry and worked up that with my waiters on and my head turning purple I am like floating falic symbol bobbing out of the water.. So we threw the kids in the van and rushed home.. On the way home we where talking about getting the dog again and we pretty much decided it would have to wait until the summer months.. But two minutes later we saw a sign and we had welcomed another member to our family.. This is all good since I really am much happier/comfortable when I am angry.. Not sure what IJ called that syndrome but I am sure he will put it in a comment.

Why did we get a dog..
This is a boring depressing part but I need to get it off my chest and it is all part of the roller coaster..
I know I have talked about my son D in the past so there is no need for background story. But as he is getting older he is starting to plateau on what he is able to do.. Which is incredibly difficult for him and even more difficult for me.. We where just informed that some of the other programs that we are paying for are not going to be possible if he does not show more improvement.. So to either distract him or me subconsciously we got the puppy.. The puppy is so much work right now I can't believe people would do anything this insane for an animal.. But short story long D spends nearly every waking minute training/playing with the puppy.. My heart breaks each time I see him holding the dog.. I hope it is enough to distract him from this difficult time or in some way push him to reach his full potential.. At 1:00 AM and 5:00AM I was cleaning shit out of the crate and at that point I could have cared less what the dog meant to anybody but I am big softy emotionally and physically so I just keep doing it in hopes that it will get better..

Ok.. Enough of the depressing crap..
I will try to make this brief.. But each year we have the elementary musical which has not and will never change. The kindergarten kids stand on risers and sing and beat this sticks to rhythm and the 1st grader get up and they play the tambourines.. Yada Yada.. Well they pack about a thousand Wisconites into an old gymnasium to witness this event each year. It was about 98.6 degrees this year in the upper bleachers so all you could smell was Winston's and day old miller lite as they wedged us in against the other nylon green and gold clad parents and grandparents. My kids as usual looked for way not to be seen with there parents, immediately darted for any kid they knew in the bleachers so as not to sit next to one angry hot bald man.. My wife smiled and pretended not to be with me so her old high school classmates would think she was alone. But as luck would have it we where positioned next to my wife's boss at the school.. My wife realized the mistake and tried to make the best o of it by introducing me in hopes that she would pity her for the rest of the school year. Oh you poor thing it looks like you had to settle. He must be a great dad (That is a nice way of saying you have a hideous spouse in hope that it will comfort spouses who obviously outclasses there spouse.) The lady smiles as she introduces me and does what people do when they approach something they can stand.. Oh you look like (They bring up any bald guy they know.. Sort of like I have lots of gay friends) I wanted to come back with you look just like Ruth Fuzzy for my own reasons but in the end I smile and say oh that is interesting (like the hair on my back) .. So anyway the concert continues with all of the kids getting on the risers looking like deer stuck in the headlights and we all smile and clap since we know this will be all over soon.. Then the third class is brought up where C is standing up on the end. (that is important later.) They sing the song and C has a couple friend hanging on him and he is getting pretty comfortable. Well too comfortable.. When the second song starts he makes some room on the risors for him self and he starts doing the robot dance followed by a whole lot dancing choreagraphy and hand motions to the lyrics to the song.. Everyone that we know in the crowd is looking back at beauty and the baldy and is wondering what is wrong with this kid (he is the closet to thing to normal that I got).. C finishes his routine as the song ends and as we enjoy the moment for a bit while pretending it bothers us cause really with everything else going on this is nothing.. C throws kisses to the crowd as exits.. Not sure what the future holds for that kid but we are sure enjoying the roller coaster ride that gives us..
Weight and workout are doing great I am still not healthy with my knee but "it is what it is" when you are nearing 40...
I guess that is it for the day..
Heavy Out

Running on the Rhine

Another post from Germany( I can't sleep) . What is new heavy? Are you angry about anything? Today I am feeling very reflective.. I am not sure if that is an appropriate use of the word and nor do I care.. So let's just reflect back a few years. My wife was 8 months pregnant with my third child, I had just been let go from my old job that left me scrambling for a job that would cover my medical expenses, never mind that this job was supposed to be the job that freed me from being a cubicle rat for the rest of my life.

I found a job working at a nuclear plant. (Insert your own Homer Simpson joke here) There was no place for the contractor sit so I was stuffed into the computer room of the plant. The room was poorly lit and littered with Circa 1970's servers seriously you can't make this up.. I was seated with my back to the servers which kept the room at a balmy 90 degrees. The fan noise in the room prevented any meaningful phone conversation. I had been hollered at by a man that looked like his face was made of playdoh that I was not to drink diet coke in the computer room. The depression/funk that I was in could not be described.. I ran to the only thing that could make this better.. Like an angel (another contractor was hired to help me with the horridly tedious task that I was assigned) when he entered the room it was like a fluorescent eclipse all the light was blocked from my eyes.. This young guy was about 6'6 with a 13 lb shadow.. As all men of that ilk he introduced himself to me when I as talking my caffeine break..(you can't make this up.. it was like a smoke break only it was a liquid drug break.) As he was draining his liter bottle of Mountain Dew and I was attempting to inject the diet coke into my arm. He looked at my 10lb shadow and said "have you found a good place to eat around here".. He knew the answer but out of respect you just don't look at a fat guy and say "Boy I bet you know where to eat.." (Quick travel hint: If you are confused or in foreign territory follow a big man he will guide you to a good meal) Well anyway as I wiped the tears from eyes, "I said I have heard that the Casino has a pretty good buffet" (I knew the entire staff) . He an I became fast friends and my weight approached a level that I really never thought I could achieve.

It has taken me nearly 6 years to recover from that situation. Yesterday I walked home from a long day of working at this office overlooking the city of Dusseldorf, the weather was a perfect 70 degrees.. I went up to my room at the Hilton relaxed for a few minutes on the most comfortable bed and comforter I have ever been exposed to. I then slipped on my running gear and pod.. I ran(waddled) through the city streets before arriving at this beautiful park along the Rhine river. The park extends for miles along the river.. They have these running/biking paths that are lined with flowering trees.. It was by far the most enjoyable run I have ever had.. I can't believe how great I felt as I was passing the kids in strollers and couples enjoying the gorgeous evening.. I did manage to stumble in front of college age kids who got a good chuckle watching me trying to catch my balance and support my huge bald cranium. I am still probably going to be a cube rat for the rest of my career but at least now I can drink coke light at my desk and I can see daylight from my desk and I have managed to work my weight down to a 7 lb shadow. I hope I never have to go through that again but I guess it makes where I am now feel so much better.. The big heavy is actually feeling happy and I think I could get use to it..

Book
Ij recommended that I read the "The Road".. I guess my review is simple I picked up the book and in one flight I finished the book and I can't stop thinking about it.. It is this horribly depressing story about a father and son trying to survive in a situation that is described in a detail and style that is so beautifully told that you wish it wasn't describing the horrific situation that they where in. The relationship between the two of them is so gripping and warm that it will make you cherish ever minute you have with your own kids.. Anyway this book is difficult to recommend since it is just so depressing.. I will give this the highest rating I have since I don't think I will come across another book like this again. 4 out of 4 baldies.. Just don't expect this to be a nice happy easy read..

Vikings
I loved the draft but I am not sure you wanted to here another draft grade from me but if you do holler and I will post my thoughts..

My head is bald the beer is cold

HeavyD Out..

Minnesota ViCant's

The NFL draft is Saturday.. You can almost feel the anticipation in the air.. I hope this year we can get another Iowan with a bad knee.. I am proud to say this year that I will not be watching it live .. (I might tivo it) Or hey maybe we can get a quarterback who can't throw or a offensive lineman that can't block or defensive end that can't sack the quarterback( no we already have two of those) or maybe a receiver that can't catch (no we used the 7th pick 2 years ago on one of those..) Maybe they have some running backs that can't run…I guess it all comes together when we have an offensive coach that can't coach offense (even though it is a kick ass offense) or can't call plays.. Hmm it is all coming together.. We got him to run a tight ship.. Wait that ship doesn't float when we have had 10 arrests this year.. Yes 10 , can you imagine another sport where it is normal for the players to get arrested.. Oh yeah it happens in the NBA.. I am going to start watching more hockey at least they don't arrest them for fighting.. No I can't, I don't get the outdoor life channel or whatever it is that they have stuck hockey on.

Ok I need get this out first.. I am so frustrated with this that I have not been able to even blog about it.. The Timberwolves are going to bring Kevin McHale back. Apparently they where in discussions to bring in Matt Millen but they broke down since he is not one of us so they stuck with the horse that got us here. I think this is part of the David Stern death sentence for the Joe Smif fiasco. You will lose 5 first round draft choices and you have to have Kevin McHale in charge for 10 years.. Sort of like when Jordan was forced to play baseball because of his gambling problem.. .. The team entered the season with 8 guards and then "McHale says at the last press conference we need some bigs. It took him 82 games to realize that." Wow there are some chemistry issues when you have 8 guards for two positions. I have a plan for the Minnesota State Magnet.. (props) Install the triangle of leadership at target center.. I would put BOH in charge of player personnel. I would put SW in charge of the coaching staff.. And I would be the official ball buster.. If BOH loses his mind and wants to sign any player to more than a 2 year deal I kick BOH square in the jewels.. If SW starts TDUD I kick BOH again because he signed him and because I like kicking BOH.. I cut them all every last one of them that has contract of more than 2 years.. I would also put in an ugly clause that does not allow you to sign any player that looks uglier than me.. That will keep out THUD,Cassell maybe that won't work I set the bar pretty low.. No one on that team deserves the salary they are getting from McHale on down yes Hoiberg too yeah I know you have a bad heart and all but still someone has to say enough is enough.. I can't take it anymore you can't have a successful league or team when guys like Ricky Avis (No D in Davis) making the kind of money he does when he says and acts like this. I quote " I play defense when the teem needs me to.". (What the heck does that mean Avis) I have plenty of anger but I just have to stop somewhere.. Garnett you lost me when you decided to sit at home while "your" team finished the season. You make 20 million a year and you don't have the class to show up to the game.. That was bush league I used to think you would rise above that but you did not. Yes this is a horrible team but you are not a great player unless you are a great leader as well.. Just my opinion take your 20 million and enjoy it you will never win a title..

So back to the Vikes
Here is my prediction.. They are much smarter than we are so they are going to get guys that will help this team in the long run Yeah... I am not a very bright guy but if you want to get a stadium here you might want to get someone in here that make people want to watch.. And this is a thought it is kind of difficult to run an offense when you don't have a guy that can throw and you have a high jumper receiving the ball.. So I look for the Vikings to draft this Landry guy from LSU at safety even though we have 5 safeties on the team and it is arguably the best position on the current roster.. Or if possible they will take another D end so we can have yet another first round draft choice that can't rush the passer.. Seriously here is what I would do.. Either trade a player or a pick to move up and get Calvin Johnson or slide down in the draft and pick up a few quality receivers like the Mechum kid from Tennessee or Garret from USC.. Staying at 7 buys you nothing I believe you would get just as much value near the 20th pick. I think they really need to draft at least two more corners.. Maybe one to return kicks and another to backup and play the nickel.. I would fill this roster with some playmakers regardless of size or position I believe you can get some tweaner guys that are good possession receivers/running backs that could break some plays after they catch the ball.


Weight/Workout
My knee is still hurting but I keep icing and running on it sparingly. My weight is sitting right around 229 or so which is pretty good but I am trying to build some tone before I get any lighter.. I will be in Germany next week so I will have to stick to walking and playing badminton.. I like playing it because it gives you an opportunity to say shuttlecock and make people around you really uncomfortable but talking about when you really smashed that shuttlecock..


GWE
JLO my blogs have been boring and few and far between I could use a great topic or statement form you to get me going again.. Looking forward to the planning session on Saturday.. What film should we see?

BOH turned 44 wow you think he would have aged better.. Well it is what it is..

Crap one more thing.. IJ what is the Penfold that we had the other night.. That was just a step up in my mind..

IJ just reminded me it was a Penfold Bin 389 a very good wine to impress people with I give it 3.5 baldies.. Rich smooth full bodied.

Popped Balloon

Out

Sometimes it snows in April

Sometimes you feel so bad..

Ok.. No excuse I just need to quit being so lazy and start posting more.. Lets run down a few updates..

We are going to have a brief name change on the site.. One of the original characters (BS) in this blog continues to amaze me with his feats of stupidity. I used to keep him around simply because he is as bald and ugly as I am but he always maintained the upper hand by being thinner and smarter than me… (Sort of like being the best cruise line in Greece..) But upon further review he is still thinner than me but he is equally as dumb.. So from this point forward I will reference BS as BOH as in dumber than a Bag of Hammers..

I am not going to complain about the weather it is just too easy and personally I have succumbed to the beast this year.. We had a year of no snow until March but effectively have had winter conditions from October until Mid April. If I wasn't as dumb as BOH I would have moved already but you get used to it..

Weight has been a been tougher than ever to move this last five pounds but hey I finally hit a number this 5lbs lighter than I was 15 years ago at my wedding.. I hit 225 before Easter Dinner 229 after.. So hey I was feeling pretty good about myself since I have mantained this whole healthy thing through a pulled porkstring a torn veal and now a torn mcl.. So the following morning I went for the ultimate test I attempted to shave my head and face without wearing my second skin (white t shirt) in front of the mirror.. Well after looking at my misshapen cranium acne ridden complexion and overall popped balloon upper body.. I opted to put the second skin back on brush the vomit off my teeth and vowed to myself to never do that again until I am sub 210 and have at least attempted some sort of weight lifting program..


Please skip


I am going to add something new to the blog just really for me but feel free to give me your opinion.. I am going to be adding the wine that I am drinking and what I thought of it so that I can remember what to buy next.. IJ and went to the Hasels nickel wine sale last week.. Great idea if you want to try a ton of different types of wine and get some decent deals on stocking your wine rack at home.. So here goes and again I am too dumb to remember since I looked at so many different things that day but I believe IJ and I had a tremendous red with a couple of steaks on the grill this was a great wine for the money Pedroncelli Motherclone Zinfandel under 10 bucks at the wine sale..
I really enjoyed the big full flavor of this.. And I am now starting to think that Zinfadel is my favorite grape.. Since most of my favorite reds have Zin in them..


I wanted to find a resling that wasn't too sweet for me and that my wife would like as well.. After tasting a few at the store I wound up buying Dr. Loosen Riesling.. We shared it with my bro and his wife and really is the perfect wine before dinner or with cheese and crackers(what isn't) any way I am going to be keeping a supply of this around since it turned out to be a very nice smooth wine that even my wife enjoyed and that was not to sweet..


Vikings..
I am completely bored with them

Wolves
I am so angry with this entire organization.. I have hard time believing I will follow them next year unless the organization is gutted from McHale down the line and most of the roster is just plain cut..

Twins
It is going to be tough year if we play the Yankees a lot but since we don't it should be a great year..

HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAVYYYYYYYYYYDDDDD

First post from outside the US

The last post about M5 got my blood boiling so I am inspired to blog some this week.. As I sit hear typing this the sun is rising over the city skyline in Dusseldorf Germany I am staring out the window and my anger toward M5 has subsided a little so this post is going to be a little more difficult to do. The flight over here was very relaxing.. Well maybe a little too relaxing.. But it does bring to mind one of the great  philosophical questions of this age.. If you fart with your head phones on and you can't hear it, can anyone else  hear it.. Sort of a if the tree falls in the woods.... blah blah ..  When I ride on the plane I constantly have headphones on to discourage anyone from feeling the need to strike up a conversation with me on 9 hour flight..  But with my usual pace of flatulence of 3-4 sharts an hour that leaves me with nearly 30 trips to the bathroom or 25 attempts try to sneak out a few during the commotion of serving drinks or dinner.. The guy next to me will usually ask the stewardess if his food has spoiled ( just kidding) But what usually happens is I drift of to sleep and blast away with nary a care in the world.. 

That thought brings back a funny story.. When my bro and I used to eat lunch everyday when we worked together a few years back.. Well lets just say the my bro has the family flatulence problem that I have..  We always ate at the company cafeteria that was cheap and generally had pretty good food. We opted to eat in the blue collar café just because we could eat without having to do the fake hi's to everyone we knew.. Anyway that sets the stage.. It was a hot day and the guys from the warehouse where just coming into the air-conditioning  to relax before heading out again.

 Well there is this big old guy we will call him Fred because it suits him perfectly.. Well Fred is wearing his company uniform that has been sweat through about 3 times already this morning and he didn't get any sleep because Martha kept complaining that Fred hadn't had the air conditioner serviced before the summer and her dad always took care of those things so she didn't have to worry about these issues and she hated being nag but if she didn't say something about it would never get done.. Let's just say life and the heat had gotten the better part of Fred and he just needed to relax but Martha constant nagging about the food he should eat had finally gotten through and Fred skipped the meat loaf and mash potatoes that day and opted for the pre-made salad..

Well back to the flatulence twins.. Bro looks at me and gets that goofy looks on his face that he was going to make magic happen..  He looks to the left and to the right to make sure the coast is clear.. But he does not see Fred sloshing his way directly behind him and he lays down a sulfur laden WMD and looks at me for acknowledgement.. I see Fred and raise my eyebrows so bro turns all the way around sees that Fred is going to sit as close to bros chair as Iraq is to Iran..  We both freeze and wonder if Fred will notice the mushroom cloud that is rising about him.. Sorta like wondering if I will order another cold German beer after dinner..  Fred flops himself down and stares at the plastic container containing the green poison salad that Martha is forcing him to eat after his bypass last fall.. Well just as Fred opens the lid just and just as the sulfur has made its way into his nostrils and all is quiet from the flatulence twins.. He then reels back and says to his buddy I think this salad has gone bad.. Smell it Bill it smells like shit as he pushes the green poison in his buddies face never realizing it was Bro's cabbage laden wonder he dropped 30 seconds earlier..  Bro and I are dying it will go down as one of the funniest events that I was ever party to..

Ok.... Back to today.. Pretty cool night last night.. It is the white asparagus season here so I had a meal of White asparagus soup and shrimp.. Followed by White asparagus and grilled salmon.. Along with the famous alt beer that was so cold it made your teeth chatter.. We ate this seated outside where we where able to relax and watch the interesting German locals who where going out for a spring walk and dinner.. We ended the evening  by walking the flower laden trail along the Rhine river back 3 miles to our hotel.. It was pretty amazing night..  I know I am a broken record here but the only problem was calming the storm in my stomach after 4 beers so as not to embarrass myself (more than usual) on the walk home..

Weight.. Still doing great I think it will be a month or so before I can be in the 220's but I am still at it.. My knee is getting a ton better and I will start to run again when I get back next weekend.. On a pretty cool note I spilled on myself at work (no shock) before I  was going out with B.S. and M5 that evening right after work so I asked M5 if he had any fat pants for me.. He showed me some 38 that where too big.. So I ended up wearing a pair of his 36 pants.. It was pretty damn cool to fat guy trying on 42's pants last fall..

HeavyD Out..

Please Skip This Post

The happiness the joy of living it is really tiring. Life is pretty good for me right now and I could not be more content with my situation. It is really hard to get use to but I am adjusting.. So let me give you a quick rundown on life.. My family spent a couple of days at the Kalahari indoor water park last week during there spring break. It was going to be nice to go somewhere where I have to take my shirt of and not look summer sausage… Not so lucky I took my shirt off in the room and I still have a long way to go. I looked old and sloppy I really need to lift weights and lose an additional 25 lbs and to be honest I probably looked better at 280 then at least I looked like I was beefy.. Now I just look heavy and old.. (Not to get off on a tangent but why is it that even though I am bald and approaching 40 fast that I still get zits like a 15 year old.. ) Back on the point as I had the best few days of my life with my kids.. My wife and I had are own room and the kids all had there own huge bed and TV fireplace etc.. It is great to go places with the kids they get so excited it just amplifies everything and makes everything seem larger than life.. It used to be that my wife would do this kind of trip it was someone staying with the younger kid(s) and the other hanging out with the older kids so we would barely have time to do things together.. Now we can all pretty much do the same things it was just so relaxing other than the 70% people there that feel the need to pierce or tattoo every inch of there body.. It is just hilarious to see these moms try and act like they are Mrs. cleever with their young kids and they have this nasty tattoo on there lower back shaped like a crucifix pointing toward there crotch.. Wow mom that looks nice oh I am sure that you a good girl. That will make for some nice conversations when those kids are teenagers..

Torn MCL
Well the vacation was great but something always has to go a little wrong.. So I am riding this flowrider(http://www.flowrider.com/) To cut this short this thing is creates a constant wave that you can kneeboard on or surf on with a "snowboard like ski" .. You have to wait quite awhile to do it but it is extremely fun I will put a picture of the big heavy on the blog.. Maybe not.. So as usual I think I have to prove that I am not an overweight middle aged man I try to do all the tricks the 20 year olds are doing and actually I am able to do most of the simple rolls and what not but the young kid since my insecurity and try's to get me to do something a little harder well apparently I am too old too large and too uncoordinated to pull the 360 spin on the top of the board.. My left leg get's caught up in the current and hurt my knee.. It hurts really bad but I cannot show any weakness in front of this crowd of people so I suck it up and am glad that my shorts are wet so that no one can see that I have nearly pissed my self with the pain that I have just endured and I walk off.. This must be the year of injury for me.. I was pretty lucky after going to the doctor and having an x-ray it looks like I did not tear it to bad in fact I was walking 3 miles on it within 3 days.. But there is still a ton of pain but I will take that over a knee surgery..

Weight
232 seems is killing me I can't seem to break this barrier I am going to extend my miles to 4 and try eat less on my evening meal.. But hey I feel great.. I should be able to start running next week if the knee continues to progress..

Movies..
I have seen way to many crappy movies to mention this year already.. But I saw 300 with the guys weekend guys awhile back and I really enjoyed it.. We are not talking academy awards or anything but it just had a cool edge and different look to the movie.. I really could careless that it was 80% CGI it did not feel like a video it was more like a high tech arty violent dark film..

I would recommend this for any guy but not many women.. The legs and heads flying off at constant pace does get a little gruesome.. 3 baldies out of 4..

M5
I should have a separate post on this one.. But I just don't have the time.. M5 is selling his 2000 540i this week.. When he sent me an email it brought me back to a time when I "thought" I was going to actually have money and that I wouldn't be working in a cubicle for the man the rest of my life.. I helped M5 pick up the car at the dealership.. He was going from 12 year old Honda accord to this 60G car man I hoped someday I would have enough money to buy something half as cool as this car.. I thought I was living a fantasy and oh yes I was.. I lost the opportunity to get of the cube rat race just one short year later.. As I type this in my cube where I am a nameless rat I am ok with now.. I am content but my opportunity to do anything different is gone.. Ok.. I almost forget that M5 was the guy that laid me off and he now owns an even nicer car and lives in a mansion.. Yep I am angry again and I will continue to post…

Twins are about to start.. It is going to be a great year..

Hey if you did not read the comment from IJ from yesterday please read it.. It puts this filthy blog to shame (not hard to do)

In Germany next week.. Out

schwerD

Old Post Lost

I found this old post that I typed while at the airportin Chitown.. It was wierd day and wierd post.. But it is what is..


So Here I sit in Chicago on my way to germany...
I have nothing but great memories of this city.. Sitting with IJ in what appeared to me as 120 Degree heat to watch the cubs play the Houston Astros.. We sweat like two fat chicks on Jenny Craig in a chocolate factory. We watched all 9 innings in that heat that day and I could not wipe the smile off my face.. Wow baseball on a hot day in chicago.. Cold beers and pizza followed.. We where big dumb fat and burnt but we loved it.. I could go on and on but I just love baseball in the summer.. IJ and traveled the upper part of the U.S. watching baseball a few years ago and I could not have had a better time.. I think of that as the baseball season begins.. Baseball is just so pure please stay away from the game Barry bonds there is nothing like it in the world.. 160 +games of pure americana.. The Twins came off the best year that I could possibly imagine.. I don't care what they did in the post season they where magical.. It was just the best days I could imagine.. Santana was onstoppable Mauer was a cagey veteran at 23 years old.. Mornea was just a solid MVP candidate down the stretch… I have said this before but I feel it again as the season begins.. Baseball is back.. Baseball is great…. FU Barry Bonds leave this game alone.. America is not a blood thirsty kille...r we love to hit baseballs and pitch in the sun and laugh.. America is alive.. America is baseball..
Sure I have had 6 glasses of red wine and 2 bloody maries waiting for my plane to depart in MSP for Chicago.. I am a little tispy but I am ready to post.. I have so many worthless things too add to googles search engine.. I ripped on wrestling on Thursday/Friday.. Dang it I was right.. My Son C was not ready for wrestling this weekedend he is apart of terrible program but all all that being said I have never been more proud of him.. So we drove to the armpit of the world and decided to enter a wrestling tournament in Wisconsin.. These people where hideaous and insane.. I think I heard one man in coveralls say to the other "LETS MAKE HIM SQUEEL LIKE A PIG" but hey I figured this was C's chance to embarce his wrestling roots.. After 4 hours of watching C entered the octagon of death to begin his journey into the sports backwash of the world.. C walked onto to the Mat thinking there was no phyiscal equal to him.. He had defeated every kid from every weight from every grade he was ready to take his crown as best wrestler without a mullet this side of the Missippi River.. (Props to simley) C got caught in an inside craddle and pinned before he knew what was happenning.. He had never seen that move before but he walked off the mat and never shed a tear or dipped his head for one minute.. He just looked at me and said what was that Dad.. I told him what I could and he shook his head and decided that he was not the best wrestler that had ever taken that mat.. C never faltered in his ability or his will to win he gave what he had every time he walkded onto to the mat but our school did not give him the tools he needed to be successful.. But that is not the story.. Let me give you my version.. I took C aside after his second loss and prepared him to face the Lions for a third time that day.. We where back in a lockeroom all by ourselves and C flat out told me that I really want to go home.. I did what worked for me.. I told him to run around the lockeroom and get warm and he ran by I hollered wrestling encouragement at him. C you need to find away to bring about the beast in you.. Wait a minute I stopped.. I am not very smart but it came to me at that moment.. The only way I could win in wrestling was to bring out the beast.. No one will believe this unless you where there but before I would wrestle I made my Dad slap me across the face as hard as he could.. I had to create artificical rage to get my blood boiling.. My Dad would slap me hard enough where the flight or fright reaction would kick in.. I had the rage I needed to "kill" wrestle the other oppenent.. Wow this is hard to admit to you all but I needed a drug to slap my body to get myself ready to kill.. Without that I couldn't muster the fight I needed to wrestle at the highest level.. ..I am an idiot I thought about play slapping C around to get him ready to wrestle at this little backwater wrestling tournament.. I am dumb but I stopped C is better than I was not.. C lost his match with class and honor he held his head high.. He has since fallen on harder times..



Go Twins

See ya KG

I tore my MCL.. Will post later..

Don't hate the players hate the GM

Heavy D.... Out..

Whole lotta nothin

Where are the Vikings going.. How are they going to get people to come to the games.. What chance do they have of winning games next year when they have not added anything to a team that was lucky to be 6-10. Why do we sign players to long term contracts that could have been picked up off of waivers.. Wilf is becoming just like Red.. I am not sure if he is getting this payroll clear so he can sell it or move it.. But not talking to the media after your team is in a tailspin is a recipe for disaster. I am thinking of growing a mustache like Childress. If we trade Oakland a 3rd round choice we can get moss and I will guarantee sellouts for the next two seasons.. No free agents short of a few who should be on practice squads will even visit with Minnesota.. Somehow are team has gotten arrogant and full of themselves when they have done nothing but deteriorate a franchise..

TimberSpaniels
Ugly pathetic bloated lazy no I am not describing myself (It would be if you added gassy). Wittman is trying to win games to save his job.. It makes no difference who coaches this team they are pathetic heartless overpaid children.. Hoiberg can try and arrange the deck chairs on this titanic but it is still going to sink.. If I was taylor I would get out of the NBA business.. It is bleeding itself out and is completely directionless.. They switched from a synthetic ball to a real ball in January is there any chance they can get rid of the synthetic hearts these guys play with an insert some real heart.. They don't want to play they could care less how the team is doing or if they are winning or losing.. They hug and kiss each other before the game then they throw punk punches at scrubs I am sorry the less athletic guys (white guys) while shooting jumpers. Sports media is afraid to say it but Kobe has been called twice for this and both happen to be less afltetic guys.. And it takes effort since not a whole lotta them ever see the floor.. Bring back the ugly pistons or something at least they punched you in the face .. This respect love crap these players give each other is sick.. Everyone is always taking about representin and keeping it real and all the other B.S. Why don't you show some respec for yourself and quit putting Tat's on yourself like your peddling crack buddies and wearing "bling" that no can afford unless it is stolen or they are selling rock on the street.. I could say trade this guy or trade that guy. I say screw them all don't give anyone a guaranteed contract.. The T.V. ratings are plummeting attendance is going down the toilet blow this league up and make this guys earn back people by playing hard playing to win and please make the games and the playoffs count.. On a side not Mike James congratulations on winning the lottery.. Troy Hudson should thank you.. You have made the worst guard in the league appear to have value since you are so horrible.. You should pay to play in the NBA..

Weight/Running
I can't hit my target of 22X but I just keep trying.. I feel great and I believe I can sustain what I am doing.. I ran a 5k on the treadmill in under 30 minutes which is a miracle for me.. I am still struggling with being happy most of the time but we all have our cross to bare..

Movies
I am ashamed by the last two I saw.. Ghost Rider and Wild Hogs.. I would not was one minute watching either of these movies.. Of course I enjoyed watching Ghost Rider with D since he thought "it rocked" in his words.. But it was really a lame movie.. Wild Hogs was insulting the production value was like the dukes of hazards in the 80's with the fake grass and scenery it was embarrassing and insulting.. I will give both of these movies a .5 baldies out of 4.. Don't see them.

Quick Story
Big heavy women got on the bus(you could tell she was heavy I could hear the VHHH SHSHS noise of here poly's pants rubbing even with my ipod on.) She has two kids in front of hear that look to be two cigarette burns short of crying and they decide to jump on my seat and wipe the snow off their boots on my arm.. She yelled to the 2 year old "Damn it chartruce get your ass off that man's seat" I smiled and and she yelled what you looking at.. I pulled the chord for the next stop and got off the bus.. I don't think the life ahead is going to be real fun for chartruce..

Help Needed
For a lot of good reasons.. (I don't want to hear bashing..) We are going to be getting a dog this year.. Does anyone have any good suggestions.. Breed to buy or people you know who sell those breeds..

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Still Happy Dang it

I will make this short since I am still struggling with the whole happy thing..
Bobby Day
I am the opposite of the real coach.. C's team ending up placing fourth in our league and winning 50% of the games.. The kids all started playing better towards the end of the year and really started to enjoy the game.. So mission accomplished on my part.. I may or may not coach year depending on how C feels about me coaching. I have hard time not putting pressure on him and I would hate to wreck his experience.. I still can't believe how competitive I am I have to fight with my will to win every second of every game so that I make sure I don't let the real heavyD out..
Movies
I have watched so many since they have movies on demand on the flights to Europe.. So I will just run some of them down..
Illusionist.. 2.75 baldies out of 4.. Ed Norton is just solid... nothing earth shattering but an interesting storyline.
World Fastest Indian.. 2.5 baldies.. Well done simple story..
Football movie with the Rock. .5 baldies done 20 times before nothing new and poor acting
Timber wolves
I am really closer than before on completely losing any interest in them or the NBA.. Nothing interests me any more about this league and the wolves are a perfect example. We have street thugs with amazing physical abilities that could care less about playing hard or playing at all if it didn't make them millions of dollars.. Blow up the whole idea of the NBA you have failed to take this league into the next century.. To many games too few talented players and you have lost the game of basketball as we know it.. If the players don't care about themselves or the game then why should we.. The same players on the same team that was in the worst pro sport incidents in Detroit are caught shooting guns at a strip club at 3AM they have not learned.. If I was an owner I would lock these players out.. Let them all play over seas and pay the college kids to play hoops with a salary cap that is equal to the effort they are giving on defense each.. For instance Rick Davis would only be payed for 3 games this year.. THUD would be paying glen taylor still.. And Mike James would be filing for bankruptcy,, And KG would have to have one diamond the size of an orange instead of two.. Yeah I know I feel this way because the tiberwolves are a terrible team but I do think this is the worst NBA season I have watched or not watched in 30 years..

Weight
Extremely happy although I still haven't dropped below 230 yet but I am actually getting into pretty good aerobic shape.. If only I could lose some head circumference.. I am able to run 3 miles pretty easy and I am now just trying to get my time down.. I am struggling with my ipod since running with it is making the disk fail.. I have to come up with a better solution. If you don't have a treadmill it is truly the truth serum for people that say they are trying to work.. There is no excuse for not working out running or walking.. It is always there all you have to do is get on it instead of watching TV.. If you are lazy like me it couldn't be better since I workout and watch tivo at the same time.. So it does not affect whatever "schedule" I have in my life..
I will post more.. Sorry HEAVYDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

No Anger No Bitterness No Blog

Okay something new and boring..
I read the Post Office by Charles Bukowksi… IJ read it since Bukowksi is referenced in a Dan Bern song.. I read it because the book looked small and IJ said it was written so that a 3rd grader could comprehend it..( A bit of stretch but I thought I will give it a shot) So I got my dictionary ready and started reading.. In short this is a book about a drunken loser that gets through life by drinking and doing work that he absolutely despises.. I think Bern and I are on the same page this book is gutteral and simple like me and for whatever reason I just enjoyed this book for what it was.. I gave it 3 baldies and would recommend it to simpletons like me. BS you can read it to all the wrestling Dads on your long weekend trips..
Why I struggle with Wrestling.
All of this opinions below are solely my opinion that have no basis on fact but on my own feelings. My son C is really getting into wrestling and it really bothers me.. Sure as my son I want him to do things that he enjoys but Wrestling just makes really uncomfortable. I don't think they should allow kids whose parents who have never wrestled before in wrestling. Yeah I know that sounds like I am out of my mind but I mean that.. Wrestling just has so many stigmas that are not positive.. Yeah they have shirts that say this but they are really true.. You play football or Play Hoops or Play Hockey There is no play in wrestling not one bit. Almost everything that is attached to wrestling is true. They really smell yes when you sweat yourself through for hours at a time in an enclosed place it smell like ass and eventually you smell like the other wrestlers who wash there clothes in pig urine at home since you are swapping 20% of your body weight in fluids every night with the guys around you.. Wrestling hurts most of the time the holds in wrestling are designed to inflict pain or go against a joint so that you will relent and roll over.. Sort of like being married.. Well not quite like that.. You don't look cool in wrestling.. You look like homo out there.. Wrestlers know that.. there is no way around it you have to wear these clothes it is all part of it.. It is not like wrestlers go yeah I want to wear the singlet that looks like I am ready to take a dip in pool in the 1920's.. Basically you are wearing an oversized jock that pins your junk to your body so you look like you got nothing going down there.. The side benefit is that you can always tell who is gentile.. No too much information.. Wrestling is a second hand citizen sport.. Yeah I have heard it all before it is the most natural sport we have .. it was in the first Olympics.. Again I don't care.. You take anybody to wrestling match and the first question almost always is why would you want to do that.. I have no answer.. When you’re a winner in wrestling it gives you machismo or self confidence much like men in Latin America who have 14 children.. But it is really only to you.. No one else cares how good you are.. I am an excellent sleeper congratulations knock yourself out no cares if you sleep well. It is barbaric.. It helps to be dumb.. Both of these "skills" I have. I really enjoyed watching my family wrestle growing up but I can honestly say somewhere down the line it stopped being fun for me and it weirdly coincided with me getting to be a better wrestler.. Again congrats again no one cares if you wrestle.. When wrestling in a room without people it can be fun but you really don't want to be on display while doing it.. Sort of like riding my scooter.. Again when you say you like to wrestle in a room with a man with no people around it just doesn't sound good hard to put a positive spin on wrestling with a man. I will blog more on this but I just had to get some of this out.. C is wrestling this weekend and I will cheer for him to do well but it is really a road that I hope he enjoys because it is not the road I would choose.. Just my thoughts


Big dumb Heavy Out..

Where have I been

No Blogging.. Maybe I put on weight.. Maybe I am depressed.. Maybe I lost my job..  Those would all be good topics but none of those things happened to me. I have acquired herpes gladitorium and decided to take 8 days off to make sure my wounds have healed before I blogged. Actually I have been pretty busy at life and work but here goes.. A quick update on some items.. 

My son's basketball team is approaching  .500 and we are on a torrid 2 game winning streak.  I think this will be my last year coaching hoops I love it but I don't think I am cut out for it.. I had the team running lines (I ran them with them) to get them really tired so they could practice shooting and passing when they where tired.. The weird part is it really worked they where too tired to goof around and they listened during the teaching periods of practice. I missed a few games when I was in Germany and I actually think they played better when I was gone. I think I can teach ok but the kids feel a little too much pressure when I am on the bench during games. I wonder what these kids would think if I really didn't hold my self back..

I think I am in better shape than I have been in the last 10 years.. I am now to the point that when I measure my heartrate when  I step on the treadmill I am not at my target rate for my age..  I can jog three miles ok on the treadmill but would prefer to run outside since I seem to run so slow on the treadmill. Still can't break in the 220's  I think I need to run more and eat less to get there but due to the weather I am ok with it for now..

I just want to clear this up a few weeks ago I thought I felt like I lived through our first earth quake in RF but it turns out that 1.25 just fell of his roof. The good news is he is ok now and he now has an area hollowed out in front of his house for a pool.

Vikings
"We got him" we have been waiting for this coach from the colts to win the super bowl so that he be our substitute defensive coordinator. I think this guy will be fine since Childress said he is going to leave the defense alone and concentrate on the kick ass offense he created last year.  Being Vikings idiot I will somehow get excited about them being good for next year but unless they get a new play caller this team is going to be pretty boring whether they win or lose..

Wolves
Wow the big heavy is slowly losing his NBA vive.. I just can't stand the lack of effort in the NBA right now and I know most of it is because the wolves are simply waiting for the season to end but I just don't see the effort for these players at all right now.. I wish there was a away to cut back on the number of games played and give these teams something to play for.. Wittman is a decent coach but how you can you tell with this team they have no heart they have no pride they no winners on this team. If you have ever heard Mike James interviewed you will know why this team is a mess.. Mike James is insane he thinks the whole world is out to get NBA players and everyone is trying to keep him down.. I wish these guys would lose there bobos and have some real friends with real jobs If I had a friend that was in the NBA I would inform them how lucky they are to be making 5 million a year playing a game and if they pulled this feeling sorry for yourself or the man is out to get you.. That signing has been worth than Sam Cassel he is horrible player with a horrible attitude and all around thug..

Twins
Can't wait for the season to start.. I have high hopes.. But it is just to early to get fired up about baseball when it is 10 below 0..

Movies
SweetLand One of my favorite small movies of the year.. If you are like me from a Scand avian upbringing in the Midwest this movie is a must see.. It just gives you some insight on what it was like for great grandparents when they came to America..

The scenery (it was shot in Minnesota) was worth it for me alone.. The acting was subtle but it just reflected the time perfectly..

I am not saying this is the greatest movies of all time but it was a really nice small film.. 3.5 baldies out of 4.

Life
My uncle died this last week.. I really don't need to go into the details but I was fortunate enough to be able to help my parents go to the funeral in small town in Wisconsin. The warmth that all of my Uncles family surrounded the people that came down to the funeral was amazing. You can do a lot of things right or wrong in your life but in the end it is really about the impact you have on the people's life around you and all the people in my Uncle life couldn't be doing better. I was proud to say that I was his nephew..  By the way my Mom's knee is doing great she is walking with here new Knee better than here old one already.. My dad is struggling with his wrist that looks to have some nerve damage as well. But the doctors believe this can be resolved by taking out to the plates and pins but it requires yet another surgery..(I am such a dumbass for going up that hill)  Just a quick observation on my family when they are all together.. I don't believe any of my uncles way more than 150 lbs and I none of them are as tall as my wife.. My cousins all have hair are thin and are in general very small people. I love being referred to as the large freakish looking cousin that looks like mr. clean. I get the ohh…. you must have been the football player.. I wanted to return with ohh you must been the jockey but I didn't.. Again another situation where I stuck out like Muslim at a notre dame football game.

I went with privileged FT to watch the mighty Hopkins Royals play against Cretin last night.. I love high school hoops and they both have some great athletes.. I was very impressed with this wide receiver from Cretin that is being recruited by all the real colleges like USC and Notre Dame he is very athletic when he shot his jumper he looked like he was three feet off the ground.. The one gopher recruite that kid that shot that three from his butt a few years ago scored like 30 but he is not a great athlete he can shoot but he is pretty slow and I never same him really give you the impression that he could create his own shot..  The one humorous item was when one of FT's limizone hippie friends told the waiter to take back his styrofoam containter and bring him some aluminium foil for the environment and all.. 

I know this is boring but it is what it is I am out..

. 

I wish I was angry

I was basically working or eating last week and did not have any time to create a post.. Ok some quick impressions I have to give my company serious props on flying business class to Germany.. If you have not flown International business class it is pretty great you set in this comfortable lazy boy that massages you and adjusts to your every move… That and the stewardess are waiting on you hand and foot with Wine or Nuts or cheese or whatever it really makes the trip relaxing.. You also get a little movie screen and headphones that has your choice of 5 movies to watch.. So I wish I could complain but there is no way to find fault it was very nice.. The Germans love to drink and eat and all of the restaurants in Dusseldorf where just right up my alley.. The food was not only different but it just tasted it right.. German women are very tall… The men from all over Europe are metro sexual lots of lime green ties and thin Italian shoes.. I can bore you with the details but if you are ever in Germany you will probably really enjoy yourself drink the local bear and always order prawn..

First Some Movies
Departed..
This film was just as I suspected it was well done well acted well shot.. But all that being said It just didn't blow me away I watched it twice because I thought it was that I was just dumb and didn't get it.. I am still dumb but the story line just seemed very predictable (the first time) I liked the violence which was very realistic but I am just no sure I bought Matt Damon I know he is from Boston but it seemed like he was faking his native accent or going to far over the top.. I though Leonardo Dicaprico was very good but and Jack Nicolson was great.. It is a definite watch and I enjoyed the movie.. I guess I just wanted more considering the director and the actors.. 3 out of 4 baldies..

GridIron Gang
The Rock coaches football to kids living in a group home.. This wasn't horrible it is what it was.. My dad taught to these types of kids for years growing up so I really don't think they where breaking new ground for me.. The movie had the usual dumb ass elements A fat kid a dorky kid a kid with a new baby a kid that is a hero and the coach who has this defining moment to impress his father and dying mother. Predictable lame story with horrible writing and B acting but it made me feel something either that or I had gas on the plane.. I will give it 1.5 baldies..

Twolves.
They fired Casey because he was not a tactician and was inexperienced coaching in clutch situations… Rewind to when they hired this guy.. He has new ideas and a great work ethic.. Forget the coach and fire McHale this team is going nowhere for another decade.. Thanks McFail.

Vikings
Lost there best coach… But hey they have a kick ass offense.. Hopefully we will get an O coordinator and D-Coordinator soon.. Oh yeah and maybe get a guy that can catch..

The Weight
All is well gained 2lbs but ran three miles last night so back on track..

That's me I am out
HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVYD

Der übergewichtige Liebhaber heavyd

I have never traveled overseas and to be honest I am little worried about it. Here is my concern I speak only one language and as I have shown throughout the year I struggle with writing it. I have been given the address for my hotel and I would be lying if I said that I could pronounce it.. So if my plane is diverted and I am stuck in a country where a shrek like character is not welcome it might be a long time before I sign up to be on an international team. I really wish I could be an old guy like the one that is know going out of his way to sit by me on the bus.. Apparently I must give of this vibe to old people that I am a close minded conservative.. I can understand them thinking that I am close-minded since I look like a Cro-Magnon man but the other part is not true I am pretty liberal on some issues.. So let me set the table on this before I talk about our conversation with whom I will call Glen because I really don't know his name. As Glen squeezes into the seat next to me the smell of Ben Gay, Talcum powder, and Old spice is permeating my nostrils which is just strong enough to block the smell of Curry and Ganga from the people in front and back of my seat. Glen starts the conversation as he always does about something that would be offensive to the majority of people riding the bus.. He says did you see that gas prices have dipped below 2 dollars.. I remove my earbuds(listening to MPR) to acknowledge him just because I feel kinda sorry for the old guy.. I say yeah I am sure the oil companies will be struggling to make money now.. He laughs and says and I am thinking he follow this up with a normal conversation today that will not offend people.. He says yeah I only hope that it will bring those "Moauslims" to there knees.. I don't know if glen is hard of hearing or if I am just overly sensitive but I quickly change the topic to the pipeline now being used by the Russians in the Caspian Sea. But now every ear on the bus is pricked waiting for glen's response as I have described on the bus it is full of people from the region where most of our oil is from. Glen ignores my response and says you know there was a plan in the 70's or 80's to go into Saudi Arabia and wipe those "Moaauslims" off the Map so that we could harvest the oil our selves.. This conversation continues with me nodding and Glen describing all of the techniques we should have used to destroy the people that are sitting around us.. Thankfully it is a short ride and no weapons where drawn as Glen and I left the bus at our stop.. As we walk away actually I am walking away from him he says.."Hey the GOP convention is going to be in St. Paul.. I am really looking forward to it.." Yeah me too I say NOT.. Not to be political I will leave that to JLO but why does everything have to be so black and white with people today either you’re a Democrat or Republican.. I don't want to be grouped with Glen and I certainly don't want to be groped with Al Franken so what should I do.. Anyway..

Weight I was 232 this morning and all time low for me.. It is weird I was hitting a plateau but I started to eat just a bit more of healthy things like nuts and salads and it appears to help drop the weight.. The running is going good on the treadmill except that my Veal is not really healed If I run on an incline it cramps up like a charlie horse and I have to stop.. Frustrating but it is what it is.. When it is cold out it is tough to get the 10,000 steps in but I am still getting it done which will be even tougher in a new country.. I ran 3 days at 3 miles a day over the last 6 days as well.
Movie
We are Marshal.. I enjoyed the story they where telling.. The characters lacked depth the acting was nothing great.. I did see this with Son C which always makes it more fun for me but they messed up this could have been a great emotional movie but in the end they made you cry and I am not sure they made you cheer..
I would give it 2 baldies..

12 hours of travel should make for some angry moments..

I am still struggling with the whole life is good right now.. not sure what to do..

Career Change

I have decided to accept the position as Chief Executive Officer of 3M.

I believe my experience working in the IT industry has prepared me for this position and I feel these skills will allow me to be successful and take this company to the next level. I know that there maybe doubters out there since I have never held the position of CEO in the past and I have never held the position of President or Vice president in fact I have never even held a position beyond an individual contributor. In fact I have been taking lateral position moves since I started my career but I have been individual contributor to some of the best people in business. But hey I am a great salesmen I was able to interview applicants from around the state and if I paid them more than other companies would offer I almost always got the guy I wanted..I am going to use those skills as a salesmen to run this organization. I would like to quote some of the people that I have worked with in the past. B.S. "Heavy was always being groomed for a position like this he has been taking lateral moves for the better part of a decade to develop the skills required and waiting for the right opportunity. I am sure heavy was offered jobs in excess of a million dollars annually but he refused them so he could wait for the right opportunity. M5 "He is a hard worker and a really nice guy you are lucky to have him, What position is he taking? Yeah I always thought he would be a great janitor oh I mean CEO what does CEO stand for again..



What a line of Bullshit we are being forced to eat with this hiring by the Maturi.. Apparently he consulted with McFail on this move and it will be announced today that to facilitate the process of hiring the tightend coach from Denver. McFail, being the good alum that he Kevin is offering to give the Nuggets our first round pick in 2008 so that we can get the guy everyone wanted.. This is unbelievable I am not joking I am going to try and groom my kids to be a football coach. This guy would be considered a glorified salesmen in the business industry and he is being elevated to the head of a multi million dollar organization with a million dollar a year salary.. He was to be the opposite of Mason but this is insane at least Mason had some credentials to make us believe he could be a coach and or a leader at any level. This guy will have to try and hire coaches underneath him that are more qualified to be a head coach than he is. Why do we as Minnesota fans get so delusional.. I thought man we are getting a new stadium we are getting rid of a coach that is just collecting a pay check.. We are going to be come a big time program.. No we are not.. We are complete joke we will always be a joke. Then to top it off the media is trying to sell this guy to themselves and us.. No one in a Major College would have ever hired this guy without him showing him that he had leadership skills at any level.. This guy recruited Vince Young to Texas.. Wow quite an accomplishment if you could 1.25 to eat a salad it would be more of an accomplishment. The reality is no one wanted to come here and this is just confirming it we hired a career tight end coach.. Say that again to yourself since it is the highest position this person has had.. He has coached a single position for a decade he has not moved up once.. He has not recruited for 6 years. Think of that when you hear the B.S for the next 9 months.. Maybe he can say he is on the 20 year plan that Mason was on so we should be good when I have grandchildren then.. So thank you Maturi.. We got our guy.. Oh yeah and Flip is coming here too..
Weight is great.. I finally ran 3 miles in under 30 minutes.. Leaving for Germany on Saturday… Posts to follow..

I am heavy and Angry.. I am out..

How not to be coach 101

I coached my second game ever on Saturday.. I love the game but never really got to experience what makes basketball so difficult to play. When you are watching the game it is simple to watch since the rules are pretty clear take the big ball and put it in the hoop more than the other team.. Simple hunh... not so even at this level this level.. Football has the one thing that makes me it difficult you have to have no fear to play this game properly (Being Dumb is another way of describing it).. In Baseball you have to have hand eye coordination that are beyond belief to truly be successful.. But both games don't require you to be fluid as an athlete.. Between pitches you collect your self and you prepare for the next pitch.. In Football you huddle between each play and you can gather yourself to change what your are doing both sports are bursts of 2-10 seconds max.. Hoops is all about sustaining flow and rhythm of the game switching between offense and defense switching from defending the ball to denying the ball to boxing out and changing to each of these states throughout each possession.. And the tough part of trying to be good it is just so hard you have to sustain that for minutes at a time instead of seconds.. Ok this is not rocket science since Shaq can play this game.. wait even I can play this game.. No I said well..

So once again we are matched up with another team that has two kids that are a good six inches taller than anybody on our team.. And of course all of my kids notice that and no one want to play against the biggest kid who just so happens to be one of the few African American kids in our little town. I am just trying to get my kids excited about playing hoops since they got killed the last time we played.. I was going to talk to the other coach before the game about how there team but she decided to be doing some quite different than most of the coaches I have ever seen coach.. She was nursing her 3 year old child before the game.. (Not much to say here other than it was a wee uncomforatable) The game was great the kids played so hard.. They run some nice screen plays the had some good passes but most of all they are getting just a little better each game. I just have to add this just because it happens and I am not sure if there is a good fix for it or it will change in time.. But here is the situation I live in an area that is primarily middle class white people which makes us all very ware of any ethnicity in fact I might be the only Irish men in town.. But the big kid who I mentioned before was very aggressive which I love in all sports but it created some problems did I mention that his Mom was the coach.. (She can be summed up as person that still lights a candle every calendar year to mark the passing of Wellstone.. Anyway you would think this would be the person who be the "We are all Winners" kind of coach.. No she isn't she is pretty tough on the kids and is doing her best to substitute her kids so that her best kids get just enough time to give the team a chance at winning..) But what brings up the ethnicity issue is that this kid is pretty much hacking the other kids at the end of the game and the high school kids are afraid to call fouls on him for a multitude of reasons that really are too complicated for me to describe in one post but my son basically gets run over with 30 seconds left to play and the crowd starts to say something but they hold back much for the same reason the kids calling the game don't call the foul to start with.. Well the parents behind me think I am pretty energetic but really I am at about 5 on the my game ready emotional control knob. When this happens to my smallest kid again with 15 seconds to go I look like I have been out in the sun for 6 days.. The big heavy is about too lose it but for whatever reason I hold back and just turn a different shade of purple. I call a timeout to settle myself down more than my kids.. Just a side note I look over at my son C in the timeout and he looks green he is so nervous he can hardly take it.. (I say hey C just have fun out there he looks at the scoreboard looks at his Dad who is the color of Barney and says yeah I will try.. )

But the game is tied and we go into overtime To make long story short yeah right I pull my two best players for the 1.5 of the last two minutes of the game and sub them in for the last 30 seconds so that all of the kids would equal minutes and to prove to the other kids that they could win with whoever was on the court with them.. So to win the game I had C who if all else fails is fearless set a "moving" screen on the big kid and the other kid drove to the basket and C's team ending up winning the game.. It was like they had one the National Championship.. (I thought it was better than a national championship since we had two kids who scored there first hoops ever and this was the first basketball game most of this kids had ever won. ..) I have to turn my exictometer down to about a 1 for the next but this coach has a lot to learn as well.. If I die trying to hold back the anger it was a nice run.. I started this as kind of a good thing to do for my son and the community but I really enjoy it..

Running
I tried to run two 10 minute miles on the treadmill on Saturday but my Veal locked up at 1.3 miles and I had to walk/limp the rest of the way I don't think my feet or my heart can take it at this point I am still way out of shape.. I did run 3 12 minute miles on Sunday which was pretty easy for me.. B.S my hear rate was about 157-165 is that too much or can you push that further.. On the weekends I had a little bit too much pizza so the weight was a steady 238.5 damn this last 20 lb's is going to be tough I think I am going to have to get to a fast three miles or a slow 5 to get my weight to keep coming off..

Vikings..
I am going to do an end of the year grade for all the positions this week.. but don't have the time today.. I would like some good comments on the vikings season..

Wolves.
They have no big guys but they have some talent if Casey can get them to keep playing some defense.. I could not coach Rick Davis he has the ability of a very solid player he is just so inconstant but he is only 26.. .. I hear that McCants might be back by February that does give this team some hope..


Running Heavy
Fatrosexual out..

2006 It is what it is

Jake the year was 1987 on that picture.
A little treat for the new year everyone the blog now has its own domain if you like go to http://fatrosexual.com

I thought my blog has been a bit too orderly I will be doing a lot more rambling since it is easier for me and doesn't wreck my flow..

I really don't know what a flow is but it is what it is..
By the way I hate when people in there 80's try and use something like that the owner for the dolphins said that in his press conference well Nick Saban is leaving and "It is what it is".. It made me miss Randy "super bowl homeboy"

Another new year.. A time to reflect and think about what happened in 2006. Let's see what really important happened. Oh I started a new job.. Ok.. That is it for me on 2006. On to the more important items of 2006.. I would like everyone to join in on this post if possible. My favorite movie of the year was little miss sunshine. My favorite sports moment was the Twins winning the division on the last day of the season. My artist of the year of was Bruce. My favorite tv show was Heroes..(Is anybody else sick of Lost at this point.)
2006 was the year of the ipod for me.. They should call the ipod the companion it with me wherever I go. It is so great when I am on the road or traveling I can listen to any music that I need for that day as well as look at the pictures of my family. Also the latest addition is suduko on the ipod (thank IJ) it just makes me use it more and more..
I am all over the place today and well everyday my Mom had knee replacement surgery.. Everything went well and I am so relieved.. although I am a little disappointed that they still don't have the ability to replace hamstrings or calfs at this point.. (BS you should look into the hammy's when they do).. And again another year without the technology to grow hair on my head as the afro continues to flourish on my ass..



The rest of this will be sports so please skip..
The Vikings
Take a deep breath relax and reflect big heavy I have never been more frustrated with them. Before I start trashing them let me first say I think the organization is much better off than it ever has been.. I like almost every move that they made this year in this regime.. Including cutting robinson.. They said Dante would not be the same and probably would not play this year.. He didn't really play this year so good call.. Starting the season with a quarterback that can't throw more than 5 yards might limit the offense a wee bit. Did you see size of the QB from LSU wow he looks like Dante's big brother 6'6 and at least 290 wow what a cannon of an arm.. I bet the pretty boy from ND appreciated playing against him on his final game before the draft.. They signed Hutchinson for being a great blocker and provide a foundation for an offense.. I read a quote from the Seattle people that said hutch was the leader in the locker-room last year I like that idea a little better than Randy Moss was at Oakland this year.. (Still miss watching 84 though) Chester Taylor was a steal he is a quality running back that should give the vikes a solid running game for the next few years.. It would be nice if they could at least get the safeties more than a yard from the line of scrimmage though.. Losing Koren Robinson this year killed the Vikings.. They did the right thing buy letting this crook go but they had no one else to go through.. If they are able to find a good #1 receiver that will take the pressure of Williamson and he should be able to adjust and become a 3rd receiver with another year of coaching.. I hope the vikes will look at getting a playmaker in the draft.. I don't care what position they just need some homerun threat on this team.. If they draft a slow injury prone white guy from Iowa I will go insane.. Zone blocking is a dumb idea with the talent they have on this line they should not do it.. This is sort of my problem with the coaching strategy of this "system".. Or septic system.. Good coaches adapt there "system" to match the talent they have the same way you make adjustments during a game wait a minute we don't make adjustments during a game. I would sign the defensive coordinator to a long term deal and give him the joe smith nod that if things don't work out with Chilly you would be the next in line here.. The vikes had 3 really bad 1st rounders in the last few years Erasmus James a whole lotta nothin.. Kenichi Nosacki started all the games for the vikings and registered 0 sack not even a 1/2.. And williamson when a guy didn't get thrown to in college there probably was a reason I wouldn't take him with the 7th pick in the draft.. There is an interesting item in the stats this year that can be read a lot of different ways.. The vikings STARTED 7 rookies this year as some point and that did not include the 1st round draft choice.. That can be read like WOW what a great draft.. Or wow the guys they had from last year where horrible that rookies outplayed… Or your coach is an arrogant prick that thinks that everything he does is a system and is perfect so all of the guys I had drafted must be better than what we had before.. I think it is a little bit of all three.. The Vikes defense really needs an outside pass rusher another good corner and maybe a better cover safety to be good to very good next year.. The offense needs a new play caller to start off with.. Chilly does not have the creative mind and the mental capacity to be a head coach and play caller.. Much like the author of this blog you need to keep it simple your dumb just get over it.. They need to get a chester taylor like wide receiver that forces teams to double cover him.. They also need to cut bait on the TE we have they just are not quick enough to get open.. Any upgrade on the right side of the line would even out this offense as well..
So all that being said the vikes are on the right path I think Chilly is too full of himself and sounds like Wilf is going to get more involved. I will bet that some of his power is taken away from him.. That last game showed the organization and the coach that if players don't believe in the coach or the system your are going to have a Detroit thing going here.. I like the off-season as viking fan it doesn't have the weekly games to keep reminding of the reality of how boring this team is to watch..
Wolves.. Foye is going to be a solid player in this league.. But it is a little too late for the wolves they will finally get a guard and have no big man.. A week or so I listened to Mike James on KFAN he is an idiot thug.. He was angry at the man and kept saying that everyone is against him and all the players in the NBA… Even thought the questions where just easy softball questions from Chad Hartman.. He is a bust in a month he will be getting less time than Marko… I just have to say that I really like Peterson calling the games.. He has it right the wolves need to be more professional and start being consistent and play with the same team for a few years and they will be an ok team.. There is no quick fix for this team.. They need to get rid of THUD and Porno and James for anything they can get.. McCants was on last night he was very professional and seemed bright and honest.. I hope he can play this year.. I really like Trenton Hassell that guy has to defend everyone from dirk to tony parker.. What an athlete to be able to do that at 6'7' is insane..
Gotta stop.. By the way I am going to be in Germany at the end of Germany Jan 22 should have some nice posts..
I ran three miles on Thursday 3 miles on Friday 2 on Sunday and 3 on Tuesday.. I am doing the treadmill thing with a heart rate monitor to determine my pace.. It is weird each time I run I can go a little faster with my heart at the same rate.. The weight is doing great..The stomach flu yesterday..

I hated Monson and Mason I will post on them later..
Is everyone board with the blog?? I am just not posting as much since I am in a good mood I have hard living this way let alone talking about it..

That is me I am heavy and I am out..